WINNERS
FIRST
PLACE
'And
so the bunny says to the bartender ... "Would you get this guy
off my ass" ... HARR ... HARR ... HARR !--Dr Sumguy
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: And if the
bunny's owner brought him to a salon so they could both get waxed for
bikini season, he might say “Get the hair off my ass...and get this ass off my
hare!” Also that IS the way pirates laugh. )
SECOND
PLACE
"Look,
I invented toilet paper!"--Anonymous (JUDGE'S
COMMENT: There's no arguing the logic but the visual I could live
without. I guess we can safely assume the porcupine was a
non-starter.)
THIRD
PLACE
"Dinner's
on me."--NAMBY (JUDGE'S
COMMENT: And it will probably taste just like chicken. This is also
something you say to break the tension when you spill food on
yourself. Don't ask me how I know that.)
HONORABLE
MENTIONS
"The
sea is lonely, and...Hare, she blows."--Anonymous (JUDGE'S
COMMENT: So begins a string of puns as deep as a mud puddle. This is
the best because it implies a lonely sailor has found a rabbit that
knows how to play ball.)
"All
the best pirates have shoulder-length hair"--Anonymous
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: Very terrible.
This would have worked better if it said “hare” but it didn't. )
"Where
are my 'Buccaneers'? ... Under my 'Fuccan Hat'!"--Dr Sumguy
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: Good. You found your
ears. This works a little bit if you assume the captain is a
simpleton. )
"Waiter,
there's a hare on my shoulder."--Anonymouse (JUDGE'S
COMMENT: Would have worked better if he was asking, “What's this
hare doing on my shoulder?” To which the waiter could say: “The
back flip” or, more Anit-Cap, “Making me crazy with desire.”)
"Shut
up, Bob, my hare is NOT a clip-on. But my hair is."--Shelly
(JUDGE'S
COMMENT: A nod to a classic. Okay, here's mine: “Shut up, Bob,
everyone knows your hare is a hop on.” Admit that that's better.)
"Somali,
you crazy bastard! How are you?"--
Jim
Cavanaugh
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: Just terrible but the reference checks out)
"I
traded in me parrot for a rabbit-at-at-at-at-at-at. You ought to know
by now."--Billy Joel (JUDGE'S
COMMENT: Our first ever B.J. caption. He's good, but no Dylan. Not
even close.)
♪ ♫ ♫
I'm
just wild about Harey, and he's just wild about me!
♫ ♫--Kathy
H (JUDGE'S
COMMENT: The musical notes give this some props but otherwise it's
awful. What saddens me is that I'm reasonably sure that Kathy knew
that before submitting it. )
"I'm
looking for the Bush Libary. He left out an arrrgh."
--
Jim
Cavanaugh (JUDGE'S COMMENT: If
he is saying this out loud, how do you spot the spelling error? Bush
had much in common with a pirate, and not just because they finished
18 games out of first in the NL Central last year. )
"Everybody
keeps saying I should call him Revis,
but I don't know why."--Tim
H (JUDGE'S
COMMENT: A reference to the recently traded football star who was
dispatched by the Jets to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. If he demands
more money and then gets hurt climbing on to the boat, we'll know
it's our Darrelle.)
"A
hundred years from now some Jew will be wearing a pirate
shirt."--Anonymous
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: A Seinfeld
reference, esoteric but bland, yada, yada.)
It
may look funny but if this is what it takes to get an HOV sticker, so
be it!--boneguy (JUDGE'S
COMMENT: Sucks on several levels. Because so many people got them,
the stricker is now essentially worthless in the L.A. area. For
scamming the car pool lane, an inflatible lovemate wearing sunglasses
is far more practical.)
Cox
Cable has pissed me off for the last time.--boneguy (JUDGE'S
COMMENT: Too horrible to be ignored. If rabbit ears are your only
alternative, Cox will continue to screw you. On this I have done the
rearch. )
"It's
just a little something to cheer up my passengers on the Staten
Island Ferry."--Tim H (JUDGE'S
COMMENT: I took the S.I. ferry to work everyday for 20 years. A
pirate with a bunny on his shoulder would just annoy people,
especially in the morning.)
"Not
only can't the sonofabitch come up with a caption, he can't draw
either."--Satireguy
(JUDGE'S
COMMENT: Claw your way through the broken english, and there us a
truth to be found here.)
What
do you mean he must be able to quote Dylan or he can't come
aboard?--boneguy
(JUDGE'S
COMMENT: I asked the captain what his name was
And
how come he didn't drive a truck
He
said his name was Columbus
I
just said, "Good luck")
Be
this the right place for Anti-Cap'n?--Angus Podgorny
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: It's definitely
the place, But, as always, that doesn't make it right.)
I'm re-christening the boat "Watership Down".
ReplyDeleteWhile on shore, I'm a locavore.
ReplyDelete"HARRRE"!
ReplyDelete"His name is 'Arrrvey', and he's not there!"
ReplyDeleteNext time set a course for Harare instead of Harehare.
ReplyDelete"Not with the hare by my chinny chin chin."
ReplyDelete"After twenty straight losing seasons, I didn't want people to think I was a Pirates fan."
ReplyDelete"I'm in compliance with the Endangered Species Act."
ReplyDelete"Softening my image will only enhance my talents as a negotiator."
ReplyDelete"Shut up, Bob, my hare is NOT a clip-on. But my hair is."
ReplyDelete"Someday there will be a novel about us- something about the Bunny and its mutant ears."
"But I don't want to be a pirate!"
ReplyDelete"Not only can't the sonofabitch come up with a caption, he can't draw either."
ReplyDelete"This should pair well with that pinot noir you told me about."
ReplyDelete"Prepare to hop the plank!"
ReplyDelete"The sea is lonely, and...Hare, she blows."
ReplyDelete"All the best pirates have shoulder-length hair"
ReplyDelete"I finally realized the best recipe for hassenpfeffer is love. I can't quit you, Rabbit."
ReplyDelete"After I held my sword to his throat, he finally told me where the children's Easter baskets were hidden."
ReplyDelete"On top of his head? They're his buccan'ears!"
ReplyDelete"Where are my 'Buccaneers'? ... Under my 'Fuccan Hat'!"
ReplyDelete"Me favorite movie ... 'Aarrgo'!"
ReplyDeleteIt may look funny but if this is what it takes to get an HOV sticker, so be it!
ReplyDelete"Not to worry. The doctor says it's benign."
ReplyDelete"It's more soothing to the victims of our pillaging and raping."
ReplyDelete"I got the idea while reading an issue of Playboy."
ReplyDelete"Todd, these kinky-sex fetish theme nights are getting out of hand. Can't we just once do it like a normal couple?"
ReplyDelete"It's just a little something to cheer up my passengers on the Staten Island Ferry."
ReplyDelete"What bunny? "
ReplyDeleteLet's set sail and visit my sister with the giant pet rat.
ReplyDeleteBoys, forget the whale.
ReplyDeleteHe might come in handy if we cross paths with Jimmy Carter.
ReplyDeleteListen, you moron. If I say it's a parrot, it's a parrot. Got it?
ReplyDeleteBe this the right place for Anti-Cap'n?
ReplyDelete"My name? Captain Ahare."
ReplyDelete"I got him at the Hare Club for Men."
ReplyDelete"We bonded, James. 007 times and counting."
ReplyDelete"I hate Halloween!"
ReplyDelete"The only good thing ... Since I got the patch, I stopped smoking!"
ReplyDelete"I traded in me parrot for a rabbit-at-at-at-at-at-at. You ought to know by now."
ReplyDeleteWhat do you mean he must be able to quote Dylan or he can't come aboard?
ReplyDelete"Waiter, there's a hare on my shoulder."
ReplyDelete♪ ♫ ♫ I'm just wild about Harey, and he's just wild about me! ♫ ♫
ReplyDelete"Everybody keeps saying I should call him Revis, but I don't know why."
ReplyDelete"You'll see things differently, wiseass, now that I tell you she got an honorable mention at the county fair."
ReplyDelete"Because he doesn't talk back and he likes to cuddle...If you must know."
ReplyDelete"Well, I drank some bad grog, went to see Hair, and ended up with this."
ReplyDelete"My shampoo? Hare 'n' Shoulders."
ReplyDeleteThe Bowdlerized, expurgated, Politically-Correct, Fundamentalist-Christian-mother-fuckers-endorsed, Moby Rabbit, turned out to be a rather boring read.
ReplyDelete"Several of my employee peer reviews pointed out that I could stand to increase my bestiality."
ReplyDelete"Look, I invented toilet paper!"
ReplyDelete"Don't wait up. Me and the missus are going ashore for the night."
ReplyDelete"'Name's Bunny. The rabbit? He don't have a name."
ReplyDeleteThere have been some complaints so the bitch in HR suggested a different approach.
ReplyDelete"Yes, it's strange, but I like to go down the rabbit hole."
ReplyDelete"He's a member of the Hare Krishnas."
ReplyDelete"I'm looking for the Bush Libary. He left out an arrrgh."
ReplyDeleteJim Cavanaugh
"Red sky at night, sailor's delight. Red sky in morning, sailors take warning. Rabbit on a shoulder, it's a crapshoot."
ReplyDelete“He got pleasure out of going ten rounds with your grandmother and making sure she went the whole distance.”
ReplyDeleteRichard
"I figured I could just be myself since they repealed DADT."
ReplyDelete"Did you ever kiss a rabbit between the ears?"
ReplyDeleteCox Cable has pissed me off for the last time.
ReplyDelete"Nibbles is gay ... She hops with a lymph!"
ReplyDelete"It's my homage to Coney Island, f/k/a Rabbit Island."
ReplyDelete"Bad hare day."
ReplyDelete"How did I get me patch? ... I said 'Aye' ... Instead of 'Aye aye'!"
ReplyDelete"Pardon me ... Do ya mind if I fire me cannon thru your port hole?"
ReplyDelete"On me search for the Grail, I got 'im from a cave, which is where I got the skull & bones fer me hat. What's the problem?"
ReplyDelete"I shivered me timbers thru me best breeches and all I got was ... herpes!"
ReplyDelete"And I said ... I'll give ye no quarters ... And that's how he got a parking ticket!"
ReplyDelete"A hundred years from now some Jew will be wearing a pirate shirt."
ReplyDelete"It's actually 'Avast ye Rubbers' ... It's the new Trojan slogan for their giant condoms!"
ReplyDelete"What do you mean it's a hare-brained idea?"
ReplyDelete"Nope. Couldn't loot. Couldn't plunder. Even worse than the cat. Let's give the raccoon a shot." [After his beloved Polly flew away, Blackbeard tries out replacements.]
ReplyDelete"Chemo and radiation should reduce the tumor to the point where it doesn't look like a cute little bunny rabbit and I'll finally get some fucking respect around here."
ReplyDelete"I'm not playing the Mets at Debits Field with this Goddamn monkey on my back."
ReplyDelete"My other clip-on's a parrot"
ReplyDelete"I always wear my hare in a bun."
ReplyDelete"Meet Ana Log, our new receptionist."
ReplyDelete"That's no ordinary rabbit. That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on. Look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide, it's a killer! He's got huge, sharp-- he can leap about-- look at the bones!"
ReplyDelete"Dinner's on me."
ReplyDelete"Yargh, get er off, get er off."
ReplyDelete"Wellcome aboard the 'P.U.S.S. Hasenpfeffer'!"
ReplyDelete"Arr, Salesmen make the world go round".
ReplyDelete"It's me iPatch"
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