New Yorker Anti-Caption Contest #352

WINNERS

FIRST PLACE

Whoo-ee! Ride me high”-- Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMENT:  Wow! Did this strike a cord. Mrs. alinla and I recently saw Bob Dylan at the Hollywood Bowl. I hadn't seen him in concert in over three years [a long time for me] so I was totaled psyched. We settled in to our cheap seats [$35 each!] moments before the show began. [Mark Knopfler opened, but we were in the smoking section—where tobaco was more the exception than the rule. Nuff said.] I knew it was Dylan way down there on stage when I heard that unmistakable froggy old voice croak out the lines "Clouds so swift, Rain won't lift..." Yes, I knew instantly it was "You Ain't Goin' No Where," a 45-year old song that includes the words used for this caption, which was submitted over a month ago. The clairvoyance is why it took first place. And we followed the caption's advice about ridin' high, [how else are you going to see a Dylan show?], but ignored the song's title. After a few songs we moved down closer to the stage where we watched the rest of the show along side people who paid over $100 for their seats. We blend in well.)

SECOND PLACE

"One mistake and there's nothing between you and four feet of water."--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMENT: Entered after Sandy, a storm that devastated my old home of Staten Island. I lived there for 25 years and never saw anything like that. Four feet of water can do a lot of damage. )

THIRD PLACE

"No. You want the Bailey Building and Loan. This is the Barely on the Building, Alone."--Tim H  (JUDGE'S COMENT: I see, and if you use a line from the a classic movie you think you can enter a lame anti-cap and expect to win. What does that get us? A discontented, lazy rabble instead of a thrifty working class. And all because a few starry-eyed dreamers like Tim H. stir them up and fill their heads with a lot of impossible ideas.)

HONORABLE MENTIONS

O Wa Te Goo Siam--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMENT: Say out loud faster and faster and you'll know exactly what you are. I learned this in the Boy Scouts.)

Christ, what an ascent. --JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMENT: JohnnyB is like a homeless guy's dog who sticks with him even though he could do better on his own. Thanks J.B. Your caps are lame but your heat is pure.)

"Hey, how 'bout that R.A.Dickey?!"--Yogi (JUDGE'S COMENT: Made me think: If the knuckleballing mountain climber Dickey was on any other team but the Mets, NY fans would have a field day with his last name. FUN FACT: The NFL refuses to sell replicas of the Jersy worn by the Arizonia Cardinal who wears No. 22. Look it up and you'll see why.)

"With a lower torso? I'm not impressed."--Shelly (JUDGE'S COMENT: A tribut to a privious cartoon. Not funny but a little preceptive.)

Not bad for a guy with one foot. I'm impressed."--Tim H (JUDGE'S COMENT: I'm not. See previous comment.)

"Cartoon recycling: combine 340 with 344, and voila...we find ourselves in cartoon 352."--Anonymous Coward (JUDGE'S COMENT: First ever use of the word “voila” in this contest. Beyond that, see previous comment.)

"You're an idiot if you think George Willig was anywhere as talented - and fucking crazy - as Philippe Petit."--Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMENT: I believe Dylan's 7 minute, 48 second 1974-song “Idiot Wind” is the only song ever to include that word in the title. It is also the most biting anti-love song ever written. Sample lyric: “You're an idiot babe, it's a wonder that you still know how to breathe.” [Yes I know all the words.] So is is perfect for the Anti-Cap. Kathy has proven time and again that she is the opposite of an idiot. But too often she proves she is the opposite of funny)

I'll bet his family and friends are more important to him than judging these contests. What a jerk!--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMENT: A reference to the photo I posted on my 53^rd birthday. This almost won because every word is true—but it still hurts.)

"No, actually I've only been the Capton here since August 26."--Typo Negative (JUDGE'S COMENT: A reference to a type-o that was fixed a while ago. So let's drop it already—okay?)

"Keep climbing. The next unjudged cartoon is far more interesting."--Satireguy (JUDGE'S COMENT: This too is true, but much the way hookers have to do even ugly guys, I've got to judge them all—when I get around to it.)

"How the hell do I know? Dead, busy, abandoning the contest, got hired by The Daily Show, what ev er! You came all the way up here to ask me that?"--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMENT: I promise that if I get hired by the Daily Show I will not abandon the judging of this contest—I'll hire someone else to do it. JohnnyB, say.)

"I require 100 entries in order to judge you. And no, I can't move on to the next contest until that occurs."--Anonymous  (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Replace “contest” with “rich asshole” and you have the perfect “That's what she said.”)