New Yorker Anti-Caption Contest #350

WINNERS

FIRST PLACE 

"Well, Gruenby did promise chaise."-- Dex  (JUDGE'S COMMENT:  Outstanding!  A variation on the Jon Stewart-inspired Anti-Cap classic: "Well, Obama did promise us change." It was meant as one of those catch-all Anti-Caps that can be placed below nearly any image. On the never-ending list of horrible puns used in this contest, flipping "change" with "chaise" [as in chaise lounge--everyone gets that--right?] is painfully brilliant. If you are one of the multitudes who believe elected officials are lazy, complacent and prone to inertial, this is Pulitzer Prize material. (If there was an Anti-Cap category, I mean.) My only regret is that we have no budget for a ceremony or a plaque or something. ) 

SECOND PLACE

"Well, I think you're taking this Let Gruenbey Be Gruenbey thing too far!"--Tim H  (JUDGE'S COMMENT: "Let Reagan be Reagan" was the battle cry of conservatives who wanted to encourage the 40th president to coddle the comfortable, screw the needy and, if he wanted to, take mid-day naps and bomb Russia. Gruenby's work ethic seems consistent with that of the Gipper's. ) 

THIRD PLACE 

"The bus needs a new slogan ... How about ... "Exact Change'!"--  Dr Sumguy  (JUDGE'S COMMENT:  When used as a verb, "exact" means to demand, claim, require, call for, force, impose, command, squeeze, compel, wring, wrest, insist upon or extort. If Barry wins in November, this should be OUR slogan.)

HONORABLE MENTIONS

"Some guy named Goebbels is on the phone."-Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: For those who didn't pay attention in history class (or never saw "Inglorious bastards"), Joseph Goebbels was to Hitler what Karl Rove was to W.  Rumor has it "Goby" [short for "Goebbels"] was actually an "in-house" nickname for Rove. Big difference: while Goebbels' man was a ruthless anti-Semitic psychopath determined to conquer  the world; Rove's guy  was just an arrogant, incompetent, liar who enjoyed mountain biking and was, to be fair, a big supporter of rich Republicans who also happened to be Jewish.) 

"You're still small. It's the campaign buses that got big."--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT:  This Sunset Blvd.-inspired line may be a statement on how big budgets and bullshit can get incompetent lazy-ass losers elected. Happens all the time.) 

Nice to see you've settled on the Rangel strategy.--boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This was entered, then entered again with a link confirming that Rep. Charles Rangel once fell asleep in a lounge chair while vacationing at a resort. He's an older man with a flabby gut, so photographs of him sleeping are not flattering. That's why it was easy to remember, even without the link.)

"It's Rosh Hashanah, and it's your turn to blow the chauffeur!"--Dr Sumguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT:  A nice little ethically-driven pun with a homoerotic element that was actually submitted on the Jewish day of atonement. A perfect storm of bad taste.) 

"I know that you're a master debater, but you still have to put in some effort."--Hans Down Wiener (JUDGE'S COMMENT: If he really is a master debater his prep work might involve a Victoria's Secret catalog and some lube. He really should go indoors, though"

"Not for nothing, but your name anagrams as Barer Ugly Newt."--Tim H . (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Tim deserves credit for thinking this up.) 

"Alright, you stupid jerk, I'll vote for you if you just get off my lawn and move your fucking bus."--Satireguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Very insightful.  The woman complaining is symbolic of Libertarians who see the government as intrusive, lethargic and easily bought off. The bus in the drive-way and the guy in the lawn chair represent parasitic do-nothing politicians. Excellent perspective, still, "stupid jerk" is a bit redundant.)

"Still sunning for President?"--SPF 30 (JUDGE'S COMMENT:  Like bloop hits in baseball, obvious puns are not pretty but they still count.)

All I'm getting back from the Craigslist ad are potential running mates either good at foreign policy or bus parking but not both.--boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Point taken. But try finding someone who loves football, drinks beer--and still looks smokin' hot in a tight shirt and high heels. As Mrs. al in la will tell you, that's not someone who's easy to find--even on Craig's List.) 

"The want to know if you promise to restore the second 'i' to "Anti-Capton."--Anonymous  (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Tell them that I have consistently cut the number of letters used  without raising the amount of effort required to entertain people who can't even be bothered to make up a fake name that adds entertainment value to their Anti-Caption. UPDATE:  We were running a contest to see who would notice that  the word was spelled "Capton" in the headline for the past six weeks. Nice catch!)