The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #321

WINNERS


FIRST PLACE
"It's your turn to throw the baby into the chasm."-- smuck (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Strange and even a bit crule, but look closer and there is deeper meaning. It may be one of those catchy condom slogans (you know, like "Wrap your rascal"). It may be a statement on contraception and the enduring popularity of recreational sex. There is a bizzaro-world quality to this that merits attention. That's my take anyway.)


SECOND PLACE"Is it Sinkhole de Mayo, already?" --Tim H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This could be interpreted as a racial slur, but it is more likely just a dumb pun entered by one of our second tier regulars. As every NYC to L.A. transplant knows, Cinco de Mayo is Mexican St. Partricks Day.) 


THIRD PLACEFucking flooring repo man. --boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Cute and creative. Like under garments and dentistry, you can't return flooring. That's what this one is saying.)


HONORABLE MENTIONS"Honey, we need a new cat." --A. Doug Person (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This suggests their cat has been claimed by the paranormal phenomenon unfolding in their bedroom. Their solution is to get another cat. That's like putting black tape over the "check engine" light in your car, if you ask me.)

"Mind the gap"-- Tube U (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is an expression used in the U.K. to prevent subway-riders from plunging to a gruesome death. They say it almost always works.)

"Floor splitty, you crazy bastard. How are you?" --Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The struggle to plug in a classic is tireless and often messy.)

"Our ash floor! Christ, what an ashhole!" --Dex (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Not to be a jerk about it but "ashhole" makes no sense [It's either one or the other-right?] Still, it kind of works.)

"Honey, if you're done with the bouts of explosive diarrhea, we can get the floor repaired." --Glenn (JUDGE'S COMMENT: And if she is not yet done? In an apparent effort to gross us out, Glenn goes the bodily fluid route. He also offered an eariler cap suggesting the floor was somehow compromised by acid in the guy's man juice. This adds nothing to proceedings here if you ask me. Sttill, I assume Glenn is about 13 or 14 years old, so I want to encourage the youngsters.)

"Honey, allowing the radiant heat from Hell to warm the house was inspired, but how many times did you have to blow that little devil to make it happen?" --Grandmama (JUDGE'S COMMENT: So I guess "dancing with the devil" just won't cut it anymore. This is awful but maybe there is something here. Perhaps it is intended to remind us that fossil fuels come with a steep cost. Ironically, it will be a cold day in hell when we are weened from that tit.)

This land is your land, this land is mined land .. --JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Really dumb and simplistic, even by Johnny's standards. But we so seldom get Woody Guthrie inspired caps here. The song referenced, of course, is the 1940 classic "This Land Is Your Land." True story: When it was played at a Republican Convention it was introduced as "This Land Is My Land." Tells you all you need to know.)

"Maybe we should stop spilling acid all over the floor." --smuck (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is not a drab as it seems. It came 22 minutes after someone using the name "Lucy in the Sky w/Diamonds" got the ball rolling with the cap "Maybe we should stop dropping acid." This is kind of response cap.)

"Holy Shit! ... It's the Holecaust!" --Dr Sumguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Here too we received an update cap. This came 32 minutes after "Oh Shit! ... It's the Holecaust!" Apparently "Holy shit!" has more of an edge than "Oh shit!" And of course tragedy plus time equals a dumb pun. )

Mrs. alinla: "Al, isn't it time you got up and judged some of those stupid contests?"alinla [thinking]: "I just hope there's something that will keep me from getting out of this bed." --Tim H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Poorly constructed and intellectually sloppy; a sad and pointless entry that is clearly the work of someone who is only slightly more capable than JohnnyB. [Ouch!] Maybe the technology has past Tim by but I could judge the cap contest while lying on bed, sitting in a Dunkin Dounnuts Starbucks or any where with wi-fi . Your cap also erroneously suggests that I spend time "thinking" about this stuff. As if.)

"Oh, man, what a nightmare I just had! I dreamed that alinla was giving out his recipe for chicken a la king.! Only, he called it chicken alla king! Thank God I'm awake now and everything is O.K. ...phew..."-- Tim H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Here we go again: Did it ever occur to you that I came up with a special name for my special brand of "King?" Of that for every word I misspell, misuse or ruin completely, there are dozens used with precision and cunning. Funny thing: When I asked Mrs. alinla if she saw that I included my "King" recipe, she said she had not. [Too busy, apparently.] But Tim H clearly read all the comments including the very last one. I appreciate that even in the face of his petty sniping and gratuitous backbiting. What Tim lacks in such departments as wit, irony, topical humor and nimble word play, he makes up for with loyalty worth of a faithful dog [who would probably submit funnier caps.] Thanks for playing Tim. )