The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #307

NOTE: Sorry these are so late. There's been a lot of stuff going on. Most important: My dad Al senior passed away a few weeks shy of his 85th birthday. Those who visit this blog regularly will recall that earlier this year I was in Florida for three months hanging with him.
We went to Walmart. Home Depot and the Goodwill store where he would lounge on the sofas while I sorted though vinage clothing and $2 CDs. [I'll never forget the look on the cashier's face when I called him over to assure I got the senior discount on a Metallica CD.]
We also went to the beach. Talked more than we ever did and ate lobster washed down with wine that he deemed too expensive when I bought it, but great when we drank it. There will be no eulogy for him here or any place else because he thought that kind of thing was bull shit. But still, I can confirm that he died as he lived: with dignity, courage and completely on his own terms. I can also confirm that he will be missed.

WINNERS

FIRST PLACE (TIE)

"...it's like they've never seen colored people before." --Damon

“Doesn’t it feel weird to be the only colored folks on the subway?” --Anonymouse (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Although neither of these captions is particularly compelling, they both call attention to the first-time use of color in the caption contest. Even so, on a NYC subway no one cares who you are, what you look like or where you are headed. Kind of like this contest.)

SECOND PLACE
"Fusilli, you crazy bastard! How are you?"--Anonymouse (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is either very lazy or enormously insightful. Either way, no one ever enters classic caps verbatim. Until now.)

HONORABLE MENTIONS
"Imagine my surprise getting on the subway and finding another alligator." --Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This could get props in the real contest. But since it's Kathy I know there is a deeper meaning that has sailed over my head)


"I'm not the one who made the allegations! I am not an allegator!"-- smuck (JUDGE'S COMMENT: To which the other one would say "That's a crock.")

"Hey! Look at the front page of the Post. 'Headless Spurrier Found in Topless Jar.' We're famous!" --Glenn (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Great little spoof on a classic NY Post headline coupled with an esoteric reference to Steve Spurrier, who was once head coach of a Florida college team known as the Gators. I got it, is all I'm trying to prove.)

"And I'm like, 'Fuck you and your fucking ark,' and he's all 'Oh, yeah, eat this, motherfucker,' and I'm like 'I don't mind if I do, dipshit.' And then the old fucker's in 3 pieces and the hyenas and shit are all going nuts, and his wife's all screaming and yelling and crying at us to get off the fucking ark, like we're gonna be bothered by water, for God's sake! Like why the hell were we even on the damn ark?" --Glenn (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Riding anNYC  subway train you hear things that make this sound like Shakespeare.)

“Hunted like a crocodile, ravaged in the corn . . . I just feel so last week.” ---the Hibbing Harbinger (JUDGE'S COMMENT: It still works. Although, to me, the Hibbing Harbinger remains a creature void of form.)

Well, la is too far to swim, and al wants a pair of Crocs for his birthday.--Jim Cavanaugh (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This was submitted on my actual birthday [which is also the birthday of Mickey Mantle and Tom Petty], so it is both touching and a bit creepy. I mean, like, how did you know? Thanks, I think.)