The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #293

Note: For those following my plight, I am out of Florida and now in upstate NY. My father has moved here permanently and I am hanging with friends and family. In fact I am headed down to NYC via a Trailwways bus. Here are the winnerfor for last week.
Gotta
WINNERS

FIRST PLACE"That's Arky. He's doing an Arky logical dig." --Glenn (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Granted 'Arky' isn't really a name and his digging strategy seems more haphazard than logical, but this is both stupid and creative. Good enough for me.)


SECOND PLACESure, I believe in the father, and in the son, and in-the-hole-he-goes... --Angus Podgorny (JUDGE'S COMMENT: An even beter pun with the added advantage of being sacraligious. In what is some times called the "Casper Ruling," the commissioner of the Catholic league changed "Holt Ghost" to "Holy Spirit." The Vatican's marketing department decided "Spirit" played better with their key demo. )


THIRD PLACE
You're awfully busy, Slobodan. What do you plan to put in them? --Eric G (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Possibly the only modern-day president who was more of a dick than W, Sebia's Slobodan Milošević ran Serbia with the management style of a Mafia don, only with less panache. Nice one Eric, Slightly cryptic with historical significance. But let's not forget that the people who fill mass graves seldom do the digging.)


HONORABLE MENTIONS"I think Mr. Palmer has had a few too many John Dalys©" --Andrew (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This suggests that a cocktail named for the portly, hard-drinking Daly, intoxicated golf legend Arnold Palmer to the point where he took to digging ditches for no reason. Got it. An ice tea and lemonade mix would have been a better choice--that's what this cap tells us. Extra credit for the copyright mark.)

The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #292

NOTE: In addition to the lovely Mrs. al in la, Jon Stewart, Johnny B and a couple of guys named Eric, the people for whom this blog is a must-read include those responsible for the New Yorker Caption Contest. (They once sent me an email, that's how I know.) So let me take this moment to tell you stuffed shirts that this is one of the worse images every used for the contest. Just terrible.
Surreal and stupid stuff just doesn't work. Stick with dogs in an office setting, business man in jail and couples in awkward after-sex situations. This cartoon may have had some merit if everything was the same except that one of the two couples was black. Or what if it was two same-sex couples? (The boys could even be on the bottom, if you like.) But, alas, the New Yorker does not have those kind on balls. This is a crappy cartoon that drew only modest interest--that's all I'm saying.

WINNERS FIRST PLACE "˙ooʇ 'ʎuunɟ ʞlɐʇ ʎǝɥʇ ʇǝq ı" --cta. (JUDGE'S COMMENTS : Like a woman with fake knockers winning a wet tee-shirt contest, cta's ability to write upside down may have given this entry an unfair advantage -- but who cares? What could be more Anti-Cap than a cap flipped on its head? A perfect metaphor for what we are looking for. Even better, the caption -- "I bet they talk funny too" -- makes a comment about the territorial instincts of people who are very similar yet slightly different. A slam dunk winner.)

SECOND PLACE "Your dumbass brother wanted to impress me by pretending to read the New Yorker. But he was holding it upside down. Try explaining that one." --Damon (JUDGE'S COMMENTS : So the man being confronted has an idiot brother with self esteem issues who trys to impress his sister-in-law by reading a high brow magazine. Got it. Forget for a moment that this makes absolutely no sense, it takes a stab at explaining why we have an upside down image. Take the rest of the day off Damon, you ve earned it)

THIRD PLACE
"God, I hate interleague play!"-- Tim H (JUDGE'S COMMENTS : Baseball purists will get this. Like the two images, the two leagues are very similar, yet the are many subtle differences that set them apart. It seems unnatural to have, say, the Texas Rangers play the Mets--but since the Mets bitch slapped them on Saturday with 14 runs, I'll allow it.)

HONORABLE MENTIONS Find 10 differences between these two pictures - Highlight.--JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENTS: Kind of a cute little comfort food Anti-Cap that recalls Johnny's formative years. It also helps explain the level of sophistication he brings to us week after week.)

BONUS Anti Cap Contest

NOTE: In a shameless and unnecessary bid to confirm her staus as a know-it-all, Anti Capper Carol somebody provided a link to this cartoon. She was referring to a comment that referenced the riddle: "What do you do with an elephant that has three balls?" The answer appears as the winner of an old Caption Contest. Naturally, it's only Anti-Cap worthy if you somehow get the the "balls" part in there.
Since I was trolling for a cartoon to post in this idle week, I figured let's go with this. Of course, the "B" on the cap and the word "Sox on the jersey tell us this is a Red Sox game. I'm guessing it's spring training based on the assumption that that's the only time they would let an alligator pitch.

See if you can top the original cap and feel free to mock, ridicule or question the manhood of any and all of the Red Sox's players, fans, ball park or history. Just for fun.

WINNERS

FIRST PLACE"Pitch him low and outside and then rip his fuckin' head off." --Satireguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: They tell pitchers to go with their strengths so this makes sense. And an angry manager ordering a purpose pitch might also say something similar. Survival tip: If chased on land by a gator, run zig-zag and it will take them slightly longer to catch you.)


SECOND PLACE"Bean him, pitch to the Marlin, then have them both with a fine Chianti (slurp slurp)."-- LR (JUDGE'S COMMENT: It's been said that a dominating pitcher eats hitters alive, but L.R. screwed this up by specifying "Marlin." Mariner, Pirate,Twin or even Giant would have created an image appropriate for the film. Also, no alligator would drink red wine with fish--they are reptiles not barbarians.)

THIRD PLACE

"Look. I usually wouldn't use an alligator in this situation, but you're the only left-hander we have."-- Tim H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This suggests that baseball's long-standing species barrier has finally come crashing down (I still say it will be broken by a gazelle brought in strictly as a pinch runner.) The gator does have a glove on his right hand (paw? claw? flipper?) so this checks out factually. It also makes sense. There is an enormus demand for lefty pitchers That's why the Mrs. and I were going to force our grandkid to use only his left hand for the first few years and give him a baseball-friendly nick name (we had settled on Bucky.) These plans changed when he was born without a penis. )

HONORABLE MENTION

"Ted Lilly, you crazy bastard! How are you?" --Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Nice one Anony. Lilly is a well-traveled journey man pitcher who might actually hear a coach or manager say this when he appears on the mound. )

The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #291

LATEST UPDATE: This IS going to be a two-week contest. Everyone should feel free to add more captions for this cartoon. If any of the new ones are really good, they will be shoehorned into the winner's circle.

NOTE: Remarkably enough, these winners are being posted on Sunday. It has been a while since I have been able to offer that level of service. Given my slipshod work ethic and busy schedule it is no small accomplishment.
As regular readers (and most certainly Mrs. al in la) know. I am in Florida staying with my dad. In mid- April he lost the woman he was living with (my mom passed in 2002). He stopped taking his meds and was heavily depressed--resulting in a serious health crisis. My sister came down to help out for a week, but had to return to her job. I was recruited to come here to hang with him and keep him company. Mostly we go to topless bars doctor's appointments and I make sure he gets good and drunk his meds every day.
The goal is to find him an assisted living accommodation that meets his needs. I am eager to return home but there will be great sadness when I say goodbye. While here, I bought a digital camera at Wal-Mart and have made a few vids. They are pretty boring, but one day I will watch and fondly recall the two months when al in la became al in fla. Thanks for your patience and support

WINNERS

FIRST PLACE
Visiting teams dreaded free slingshot night at Campbell Field.--Edward M Schupp (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A narrative cap that is dumb yet somewhat funny. Campbell Field is an honest-to-goodness minor league ballpark and they do tend to have outrageous stunts in the minors to draw fan interest. [I heard one team paid tribute to all time great catchers with K-Y Jelly night.] Ed could have gone with "throw-rocks-at-the-opposing-team-night." Also, there was no reason to specify that the slingshots were "free"--that was overkill. )

SECOND PLACE"Oh crap, I didn't know I was playing in a fantasy baseball league." --cta (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Nice little touch of irony. I remember playing a video hockey game with my nephews a while back and was amazed to learn that you could turn the players into monsters and aliens if you wanted. That's in case the real life video game hockey isn't interesting enough. That's just how fantasies work.)
THIRD PLACE
"No Balls"--Jim Cavanaugh (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Jim is the first person to realize that "balls" can also refer to a man's scrotum, which is widely seen as a representation of his courage. Hence, a batter who wears a suit of armor must lack courage, or "balls," if you like. Since baseball is played using balls, this is a humorous pun. Reminds me of a joke that infuriated the nuns in my grade school: Q: What do you do with an elephant that has three balls? A: Walk him and pitch to the giraffe.)
HONORABLE MENTIONS
"I'm sure glad there are no black people here to see this. Thank god we're at Fenway."--Damon (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Maybe black people tend to enjoy baseball when it is played in a real ballpark. Nice use of a quasi-classic to ridicule the last MLB team to integrate In fairness, many of the vendors at Fenway are black.)