WINNERS
FIRST
PLACE
"C'mon
al, throw us a bone."--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT:
This kind of hit home because I do have a beard and enjoy barbequing.
I also feel an occasional tinge of guilt for taking the the anti-cap
to its logical extreme: A wasteland of lame jokes and dumb puns
lingering in cyberspace with the wanting desperate eyes of a young
lad who just wants to play catch with his always-too-busy dad. If
you are represented by the guy in the limo you understand the
importance of time management and indifference to the suffering of
others. But I am sentimental, so here's your metaphorical bone...)
SECOND
PLACE
Jeeves,
call the Koch brothers and have them quintuple the price of
chicken.--boneguy
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: A pointed political barb with a logical flaw. The
Koch boys would take the chicken and have the man arrested for
something. Also, while I have you: Former NYC mayor Ed Koch's last
name rhymed with “crotch.” Detractors made good use of that.
[Like having a Dallas Cowboys' QB whose last name rhymes with “homo,”
say.] But the Billionaire Brothers pronounce their notorious last
name in a way that sounds like “coke.” That seems unfair.)
THIRD
PLACE
"How
do I get to Mount Clitoris?"--Greenie Stik-M-Caps (JUDGE'S
COMMENT: Practice.)
HONORABLE
MENTIONS
"Cacciatore,
you crazy bastard! How are you?"--Shelly
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: Good use of a classic, albeit a counterintuitive
use of BBQ chicken.)
"Christ,
what an ass hole-shaped cave."--Jim
Cavanaugh (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A bit of a stretch to accommodate a
classic. But maybe the guy cooking in the cave represents a
persistent burning sensation, and the guy in the limo symbolizes a 4
oz. tube of roid-relief goo that costs $23. So this could be a
statement about greedy pharmaceutical companies, although I realize
it probably is not. )
al,
it's Dr. Sumguy. You can get your internet back up for as little as
$9.99/mo.--boneguy
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: But we now get it “free” as part of our $102 a
month cable package. [Yeah, I know. Go figure.] Quick story: While
staying in a hotel in NYC a few weeks ago, we also had “free”
internet, but it was slow and you were asking for trouble if you had
more than one window open at a time. Luckily they also offered a
“premium service” for $12 a day. That's just the way the world
works.)
"Come
on al ... Do something ... Any thing ... Bite the Pullet!"--Dr
Sumguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The only thing that can stop a Sumguy
with a bad pun is ANYONE with a better pun. It has also been said
that all that's needed for bad puns to triumph, is for lazy
preoccupied judges to do nothing. Noted.)
19 comments:
Jeeves, call the Koch brothers and have them quintuple the price of chicken.
al,it's Dr. Sumguy. You can get your internet back up for as little as $9.99/mo.
"Come on al ... Do something ... Any thing ... Bite the Pullet!"
You're taking this paleo diet a bit too far.
"Damn, I thought we had eradicated paleo."
"Dick Whitman, is that you??"
Rocks are not a liquid asset.
"C'mon al, throw us a bone."
"Do you have valet parking?"
"I need to see your Health Department inspection certificate. How long is the wait?"
"I am so trashing you on Yelp!"
Mr. Gore called from his private jet objecting to your reckless disregard of global warming.
"Vote for Pedro."
"Pardon me. Do you have any Grey Poupon?"
Listen lady, when Donald Trump sees with his own eyes that the middle class is thriving, you can take his word for it
"Get him some bootstraps."
"How do I get to Mount Clitoris?"
Pardon me, Would you have any Grey Poupon?
This was the last fucking contest judged!
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