Sunday, January 11, 2015

New Yorker Anti-Caption Contest #459




WINNERS

FIRST PLACE
I fold.--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Visually, this would work better if he was doubled over in a fetal position. Still, this may be how people who play poker with no cards or chips raise the stakes. It may also be a metaphor or the futility of man's existence.)
SECOND PLACE
"Maybe some boxes shouldn't be thought outside of."--Steve_O (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Expectations are like asses: Everyone has one, some bigger than others. )
THIRD PLACE
"Not exactly an Algonquin Round Table, but it'll have to do."--Kathy H JUDGE'S COMMENT: References a conclave of smart, witty writers and artists who regularly gathered to drink and complain at the Algonquin Hotel near Times Sq. A knew a guy who tended bar there and he would let me drink for free. Closest I came.)
HONORABLE MENTIONS

"I know what you’re thinking: 'Did he see six mice or only five?' Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I’ve kinda lost track myself. But being that this is the most powerful corporation in the world, and could blow your careers to Hell if this goes viral, you’ve got to ask yourself one question: 'Does he get the promotion?' Well, do I, assholes?--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Of course, we always give props to Clint. Still, this is a reach and it also trivializes a great movie line. Those prone to leap on a chair at the sight of a mouse will do so whether there is one or six. Don't ask me how I know this.)
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34 comments:

  1. AnonymousJanuary 12, 2015 at 5:23 AM

    "Whose ass do you have to kiss around here to get a raise?"

    ReplyDelete
  2. REXJanuary 12, 2015 at 6:29 AM

    "EXCUSE ME! If we are discussing the continuing marginalization of white males, I want a seat on the table."

    ReplyDelete
  3. Tim HJanuary 12, 2015 at 6:34 AM

    "So, we all agree to table the matter."

    ReplyDelete
  4. ShellyJanuary 12, 2015 at 8:20 AM

    "I suggest you get the hell out of here by ten 'cause the sphinx will be dropping in."

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousJanuary 12, 2015 at 11:11 AM

    "Knock it up, you two."

    ReplyDelete
  6. LRJanuary 12, 2015 at 11:53 AM

    "I am not upskirting you- it's more like straightskirting."

    ReplyDelete
  7. AnonymousJanuary 12, 2015 at 12:31 PM

    "...97..98..99..100. Okay! Ready or not, here I come."

    ReplyDelete
  8. Kathy HJanuary 12, 2015 at 12:34 PM

    "C'mon. Just because I can't prove that I'm not a robot, you guys won't let me up there??"

    ReplyDelete
  9. AnonymouseJanuary 12, 2015 at 1:12 PM

    "Do you really think that the water main break will make up to the 45th floor?"

    ReplyDelete
  10. DexJanuary 12, 2015 at 1:47 PM

    "I see you've escalated the issue."

    ReplyDelete
  11. Kathy HJanuary 12, 2015 at 2:21 PM

    "Not exactly an Algonquin Round Table, but it'll have to do."

    ReplyDelete
  12. Dr SumguyJanuary 12, 2015 at 5:34 PM

    "Hey! The reservation was for 'Open Table'!"

    ReplyDelete
  13. boneguyJanuary 12, 2015 at 11:05 PM

    Your argument does have a certain circular logic.

    ReplyDelete
  14. NJ-to-TXJanuary 13, 2015 at 4:55 AM

    "So this was the white guy's idea, after they fired the black guy?"

    ReplyDelete
  15. JohnnyBJanuary 13, 2015 at 5:42 AM

    When I asked if you all want to get high, I meant by using illegal hard drugs.

    ReplyDelete
  16. JohnnyBJanuary 13, 2015 at 5:43 AM

    Somehow the Chinese acrobats were a lot more impressive.

    ReplyDelete
  17. boneguyJanuary 13, 2015 at 6:31 AM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  18. SalmonOfDoubtJanuary 13, 2015 at 12:19 PM

    Are the drugs working yet?

    ReplyDelete
  19. AnonymousJanuary 13, 2015 at 12:26 PM

    I fold.

    ReplyDelete
  20. boneguyJanuary 13, 2015 at 3:14 PM

    I don't know. I thought that a human lazy Susan would have more of a wow factor.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Dr SumguyJanuary 13, 2015 at 6:41 PM

    "I see we've been shopping at 'Overstock.com'!"

    ReplyDelete
  22. Greenie Stik-M-CapsJanuary 14, 2015 at 7:55 PM

    "It's like watching dry paint."

    ReplyDelete
  23. gfwriteJanuary 15, 2015 at 1:43 AM

    It's OK. You figured it out. My farts ARE heavier than air.

    ReplyDelete
  24. JabbaJanuary 15, 2015 at 3:09 AM

    "I trust you three dipshits realize you're as high as you will ever get in this company."

    ReplyDelete
  25. AnonymousJanuary 15, 2015 at 4:41 AM

    "I know what you’re thinking: 'Did he see six mice or only five?' Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I’ve kinda lost track myself. But being that this is the most powerful corporation in the world, and could blow your careers to Hell if this goes viral, you’ve got to ask yourself one question: 'Does he get the promotion?' Well, do I, assholes?

    ReplyDelete
  26. smuckJanuary 15, 2015 at 11:30 PM

    "Stop goofing around on the table and turn your attention to the big screen. We've got some serious Tetris to deal with here."

    ReplyDelete
  27. smuckJanuary 15, 2015 at 11:39 PM

    "OK, I think we've practiced enough. Let's go in there and show them how a leveraged buyout is done."

    ReplyDelete
  28. boneguyJanuary 16, 2015 at 8:34 AM

    As you are, technically, no longer on US soil, divert every penny in profits to our offshore account.

    ReplyDelete
  29. AnonymousJanuary 16, 2015 at 12:27 PM

    "You're right- it does suck to be short."

    ReplyDelete
  30. NJ-to-TXJanuary 16, 2015 at 6:48 PM

    "So how do we do the rest of Beethoven's Fifth? Never thought that far, huh?"

    ReplyDelete
  31. AnonymousJanuary 16, 2015 at 9:56 PM

    "Look, I just couldn't hold it any longer. But it's not as if I'm flooding the place, OK wise guys?"

    ReplyDelete
  32. Steve_OJanuary 18, 2015 at 10:06 AM

    "Did I miss a memo?"

    ReplyDelete
  33. Steve_OJanuary 18, 2015 at 10:07 AM

    "Maybe some boxes shouldn't be thought outside of."

    ReplyDelete
  34. gfwriteJanuary 24, 2015 at 12:04 AM

    I can assure you, the flooring is gluten free.

    ReplyDelete