Tuesday, December 16, 2014

New Yorker Anti-Caption Contest #456


51 comments:

  1. "Maybe you need your direct reports' applause to fix your erectile dysfunction."

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  2. "Please call a doctor- your lectern has lasted way more than four hours."

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  3. When you said you were going to give me something orally in bed, I thought you meant medicine

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  4. I'm pretty sure the doctor said take an Imodium and call me in the morning.

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  5. I think it's time to put 2012 behind you, Mitt.

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  6. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  7. I liked it better when the sea was your mistress.

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  8. "You never heard of strange bedfellows before?"

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  9. "Sorry to disappoint you, but I think you misunderstood what a filibuster is."

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  10. "I guess the Murphy Wall Bed caught you unaware!"

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  11. "WOW! ... 'That's the worst retrograde ejaculation, I've ever seen!"

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  12. "Is that what you call a 'Woody'?

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  13. "The orators here are obscene."

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  14. The stimulus package didn't work.

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  15. If that wasn’t torture, I don’t know what is.

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  16. Try not to stay up too late denying climate change tonight.

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  17. There's no need for you to master debate when I'm here.

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  18. 80s pop culture referenceDecember 16, 2014 at 12:16 PM

    "Save the speeches for Malcolm X. I just want to get laid."

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  19. "I'm not a big pillow talk kinda gal. Speaking of 'big pillows'..."

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  20. "I feel an election coming on."

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  21. Your start up idea of making gag sleeping bags for politicians might be a little too nichey.

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  22. "If it only gets held once every four years, I think I'll become a lobbyist."

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  23. "You've been screwing the American people again, haven't you?"

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  24. "Read me a bedtime story ... And this time ... I want to know what happened to Old Yeller."

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  25. "I see your shin found you a new pudendum!"

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  26. "You really need to see a podiumdaistrist."

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  27. "I only asked for sex. You don't need to give an acceptance speech."

    Jim Cavanaugh

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  28. You're right. You do get really stiff behind a podium.

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  29. "Hannibal? Hannibal Lectern?"

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  30. "When you're done jacking-off, Spencer, you're needed on the bridge-to-nowhere project."

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  31. "I'll be your Toastmistress if you let me whip your butter."

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  32. "An original style of sweet talk, but a fuck is still totally out of the question."

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  33. It took constant practice for W. to perfect his speaking skills.

    Jim Cavanaugh

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  34. "Remember when al's commentaries featured strikethroughs? They were better than sex....with you that is."

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  35. "My Watergate broke."

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  36. "What's your position on missionaries?

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  37. "Don't even think of passing a motion."

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  38. "Now that I've given you your erectorial vote, the least you can do is take me out to dinner !"

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  39. Your "I have a dream re-enactment is keeping me awake.

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  40. "Ya know, Tim, you sit on the wall in your chair during therapy, and bring your hopeless campaign to bed every night, then wonder why I have Links Behavioral Disorder."

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  41. "I said, "Erection" not bring a election to bed."

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  42. "Promise them that you'll have the cartoon link back to the real contest, like in the old days."

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  43. "There will be a short Q&A period following coitus."

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  44. Up until sleeping with you I was pro-life!

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  45. "Hey Al, are you about to announce the Anti-Cap winners yet? I hope so because the sex was a total anticlimax."

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  46. And Happy Hijri all you De-Cappers!

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  47. I see you have a fear of pubic speaking.

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  48. "As a metallurgist, are you more a fan of iron or just an ore hater?"

    Jim Cavanaugh

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