Tuesday, September 2, 2014

New Yorker Anti-Caption Contest #441

















WINNERS

FIRST PLACE
"...and yet, nothing seems to fit me."--Tim H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Clearly this is a tribute to the classic B. J. Thomas hit “Raindrops Keep Fallin' On My Head.” The lyrics include these lines: “Just like the guy whose feet are too big for his bed. Nothing seems to fit. Oh, raindrops keep fallin'...” It's not just Dylan stuff that I know, you realize.)
SECOND PLACE
I'm shedding scales.--Toren (age 5) (JUDGE'S COMMENT: There is no way to varify this entrant's age, but I find it hard to believe anyone would try and lie their way into the winner's circle. This contest was once won by a 4 year-old, so Toren is not our youngest winner. I'm also not sure why this is supposed to be funny or ironic or anything but it's important  that we attract a new generation of Anti-Cappers so...)
THIRD PLACE

"Worm is just like crack--one bite and you're hooked."--Dex (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Kind of a little bit funny. Crack does make people bone thin, but there are also some negatives repurcussions as well. )
HONORABLE MENTIONS
"Fusilli, you crazy Bass turd! How are you?"--nonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Sure whatever. Keep the classics alive at any cost. Being called “bass trud” is probably worse that being called a “bastard.” )
The devourers here are picean.--JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Nice one Johnny. To quote J.B.: “I don't know where I'm running now, I'm just running on.” )





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37 comments:

  1. boneguySeptember 2, 2014 at 1:46 PM

    Guess who's the new VP for Corporate Transparency?

    ReplyDelete
  2. boneguySeptember 2, 2014 at 1:47 PM

    Of all the places to open an undersea diner!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Steve_OSeptember 2, 2014 at 1:59 PM

    "Yeah? Well maybe you're too fat."

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymouseSeptember 2, 2014 at 2:26 PM

    "Pisces. What's yours?"

    ReplyDelete
  5. Abe VigodaSeptember 2, 2014 at 2:38 PM

    "I had a hit song a few years ago, but it's been slim pickings ever since."

    ReplyDelete
  6. Dr SumguySeptember 2, 2014 at 2:52 PM

    "Following my Gastric Bypass, I've never had very high regard for therapists. I owe my health, my mental survival, to my friends and loved ones. ... Salmon Rushdie!"

    ReplyDelete
  7. Dr SumguySeptember 2, 2014 at 3:03 PM

    "I can't keep anything down, even water!"

    ReplyDelete
  8. AnonymousSeptember 2, 2014 at 3:52 PM

    "Fusilli, you crazy Bass turd! How are you?"

    ReplyDelete
  9. AnonymousSeptember 2, 2014 at 4:17 PM

    Hi I'm Abe Vigoda

    ReplyDelete
  10. AnonymousSeptember 2, 2014 at 5:16 PM

    "And then I told him, 'Hell, yes, I want to get boned...'"

    ReplyDelete
  11. DexSeptember 2, 2014 at 5:41 PM

    "Worm is just like crack--one bite and you're hooked."

    ReplyDelete
  12. DexSeptember 2, 2014 at 5:42 PM

    "Filletio. Not what I expected."

    ReplyDelete
  13. AnonymousSeptember 2, 2014 at 7:38 PM

    Gezundheit!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Dr SumguySeptember 2, 2014 at 9:13 PM

    "Last thing I remembered, was being wrapped in a newspaper, and thrown on Luca Brasi's porch!"

    ReplyDelete
  15. boneguySeptember 2, 2014 at 10:26 PM

    Last week dyslexia. This week anorexia.

    ReplyDelete
  16. JohnnyBSeptember 3, 2014 at 4:44 AM

    Sorry, Charlie, the Star Kist people don't want to eat your flesh.

    ReplyDelete
  17. pg13September 3, 2014 at 5:04 AM

    "To make matters worse, insurance didn't even cover the cat scan."

    ReplyDelete
  18. Dr SumguySeptember 3, 2014 at 9:09 AM

    "No one cared ... Until, I missed a couple of car payments!"

    ReplyDelete
  19. Tim HSeptember 4, 2014 at 7:16 AM

    "...and yet, nothing seems to fit me."

    ReplyDelete
  20. JanetSeptember 4, 2014 at 2:18 PM

    "Dunno- last thing I remember was her saying.''I have a bone to pick with you!'

    ReplyDelete
  21. Dr SumguySeptember 4, 2014 at 6:28 PM

    "Retired. ... Spent 20 years being tossed in the 'Pike Place Fish Market'!"

    ReplyDelete
  22. Toren (age 5)September 4, 2014 at 9:00 PM

    I'm shedding scales.

    ReplyDelete
  23. JohnnyBSeptember 5, 2014 at 5:46 AM

    The devourers here are picean.

    ReplyDelete
  24. boneguySeptember 5, 2014 at 4:55 PM

    Technically, it doesn't meet the standard definition of over-fishing.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Dr SumguySeptember 6, 2014 at 10:01 AM

    "It all started with a coin toss ... Heads or Tails!"

    ReplyDelete
  26. NJtoTXSeptember 7, 2014 at 5:49 AM

    "I don't think that Far Side is funny anymore."

    ReplyDelete
  27. LRSeptember 7, 2014 at 11:26 AM

    "I brought a couple of riblets- do you mind?"

    ReplyDelete
  28. gfwriteSeptember 7, 2014 at 11:29 PM

    I tell ya Gil, I try to let women see my inner sole but they see right through me.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Kathy HSeptember 8, 2014 at 8:06 AM

    "Yeah, the residuals from my Diver Dan days just ain't cutting it anymore."

    ReplyDelete
  30. BoofSeptember 8, 2014 at 5:08 PM

    "I've decided to become a catwalk model."

    ReplyDelete
  31. Tim HSeptember 12, 2014 at 10:13 AM

    "Yeah, I lost a few pounds, but it was mostly water weight."

    ReplyDelete
  32. NJtoTXSeptember 16, 2014 at 5:57 AM

    "She told me she was really into boners."

    ReplyDelete
  33. Don DonSeptember 22, 2014 at 9:04 AM

    "My doctor said he had to cut out all the radioactive particles that I must have picked up around Japan".

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
  35. AnonymousSeptember 26, 2014 at 10:10 AM

    "Mmm, tuna spam!"

    ReplyDelete
  36. SalmonOfDoubtSeptember 30, 2014 at 12:41 PM

    Applebee’s. Applebee’s is where we go when we die.

    ReplyDelete
  37. AnonymousOctober 11, 2014 at 12:58 AM

    "I did a parasite cleanse and well, who knew?"

    ReplyDelete