Monday, June 2, 2014

New Yorker Anti-Cap Contest # 431


















WINNERS

FIRST PLACE

"Bob and I are plotting to kill P.C. Vey. You in?"--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Aside from the obvious reference to Bob Dylan, this wins because I share the author's distain for P.C. Vey. It's about time someone said what everyone was thinking.)

SECOND PLACE

"Did you slip me a Roofie? I'm feeling light-headed."--Ahole McAvoy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Pretty decent, pun-wise, because there is, evidently, a light affixed to his head. Extra credit for the anti-capper's first name.)

THIRD PLACE

Nice tits, Al.--JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The link take us to a YouTube video that includes “AL in LA” in the headline. The “tits” part, I don't even want to go into. After reappearing to a warm reception, it was inevitable that Johnny would wear out his welcome.)

HONORABLE MENTIONS

"Howdy, name's John Thomas."--Obligatory Dylan (JUDGE'S COMMENT: References a bleak 1964 Dylan song about the sad life of coal miners, "North Country Blues." It is the only Dylan song where the narrator is a woman. She marries a guy named John Thomas who apparently would go on to attend a cocktail party with his miner's light still in place. More obscure than obligatory. Then as now, it is pointless to try and out-Dylan me.)

I do love that Dylan guy, my favorite being "One Headlight".--boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A different kind of obscure. This references Jakob Dylan's great song “One Head Light.” Fun fact: Jakob toiled in obscurity until people found out his dad was THAT Dylan.)

"The cocktail hours here are obscene."--james (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Great twist on an anti-cap classic. Nice job james—I also like the lower case letter. )

"I can hear the coins jingling in your pocket, Bob--well, Obama did promise change."--Dex (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Yet another reference to Bob Dylan and a semi-classic. Fair enough.)


JohnnyB makes a cameo appearance and suddenly all the other anti-cap ledgends come out of the woodwork. They may not have been capping, but they were quietly observing...like the martians in War of the Worlds.--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Sure. I guess. One of the most baffling aspects is this little blog is that it typically gets over 100 hits each day. [Go figure.] Often I am not one of them, but it does keep me engaged.)
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    39 comments:

    1. DexJune 2, 2014 at 5:29 PM

      "I can hear the coins jingling in your pocket, Bob--well, Obama did promise change."

      ReplyDelete
    2. jamesJune 2, 2014 at 5:44 PM

      "The cocktail hours here are obscene."

      ReplyDelete
    3. LRJune 2, 2014 at 5:59 PM

      "I record all my cocktail parties, especially if they include a black metrosexual playing pocket pool."

      ReplyDelete
    4. AnonymousJune 2, 2014 at 6:13 PM

      "Bob's reaching for his scratch ticket."

      ReplyDelete
    5. boneguyJune 2, 2014 at 8:13 PM

      Repping for Petzl means going all in.

      ReplyDelete
    6. JohnnyBJune 3, 2014 at 4:54 AM

      I'd like to go spelunking in your lady cave. Benny just wants to watch.

      ReplyDelete
    7. Ahole McAvoyJune 3, 2014 at 11:01 AM

      "Did you slip me a Roofie? I'm feeling light-headed."

      ReplyDelete
    8. Nipsee RusselJune 3, 2014 at 11:03 AM

      Speaking of 'headlights', your highbeams look pretty cute there, little missy.

      ReplyDelete
    9. Obligatory DylanJune 3, 2014 at 6:07 PM

      "Howdy, name's John Thomas."

      ReplyDelete
    10. AnonymousJune 3, 2014 at 6:44 PM

      "Is it true that men will say anything to get laid off? D'ya see what I did there?"

      ReplyDelete
    11. AnonymousJune 3, 2014 at 8:56 PM

      "Hey Sumguy, do you think she's into threesomes?"

      "I don't know, Alaska."

      ReplyDelete
    12. Steve_OJune 4, 2014 at 6:40 AM

      "No, you're thinking of the GoPro Hero. This model is the GoSlo Loser."

      ReplyDelete
    13. pg13June 4, 2014 at 12:59 PM

      "I'm a locksmith, and I see you're wearing a chastity belt."

      ReplyDelete
    14. AnonymousJune 4, 2014 at 5:39 PM

      "Let's get out of this cartoon and go over to Danny's for some real laughs."

      ReplyDelete
    15. boneguyJune 4, 2014 at 7:20 PM

      I do love that Dylan guy, my favorite being "One Headlight".

      ReplyDelete
    16. AnonymousJune 5, 2014 at 4:33 AM

      "And that's Mike over there of Mike's Hard uhhhh..whatever."

      ReplyDelete
    17. Dr SumguyJune 5, 2014 at 7:20 PM

      "One of the painting's looks just like Jerry Lee Lewis ... You know ... 'Great Balls of Fire'!"

      ReplyDelete
    18. Dr SumguyJune 5, 2014 at 8:12 PM

      "These Google Glasses are Great! ... So far I've spotted 4 Boners ... Incuding yours ... Anonymous bone guy!"

      ReplyDelete
    19. Dr SumguyJune 5, 2014 at 8:25 PM

      "More like Art Drecko ... And look ... Whose got a 'Whole Lotta Shakin Goin' On'!"

      ReplyDelete
    20. Double WindsorJune 5, 2014 at 9:50 PM

      "Obama promised suits without ties - that symbol of Western decadence."

      ReplyDelete
    21. NJ-to-TXJune 6, 2014 at 3:06 AM

      "Wanna see my stalagmite?"

      ReplyDelete
    22. RichardJune 6, 2014 at 3:03 PM

      "Come back to my hotel and I'll show you my 12-inch pianist."

      ReplyDelete
    23. RichardJune 6, 2014 at 4:05 PM

      "I'm not a doctor, but I play one in my saucy web series. You guys interested?"

      ReplyDelete
    24. Greenie Stik-M-CapsJune 7, 2014 at 1:11 PM

      "Hi, I'm Jay, Peg."

      ReplyDelete
    25. AnonymousJune 7, 2014 at 2:34 PM

      "I'd like to get your narrow cunt down."

      ReplyDelete
    26. jamesJune 7, 2014 at 2:51 PM

      "The Mets drafted our son. He's going to go pro too."

      ReplyDelete
    27. Arthur CriticJune 7, 2014 at 8:21 PM

      At 2 a.m. even a gal drawn by Vey starts looking good.

      ReplyDelete
    28. Dr SumguyJune 7, 2014 at 10:57 PM

      "I'm guessing that's a Rubik's Cube in your pocket ... The more you play with it ... The harder it gets!"

      ReplyDelete
    29. boneguyJune 8, 2014 at 7:44 AM

      I've got a headlamp. After I give your pharynx the all clear, maybe we could play some tonsil hockey?

      ReplyDelete
    30. AnonymousJune 8, 2014 at 8:19 AM

      JohnnyB makes a cameo appearance and suddenly all the other anti-cap ledgends come out of the woodwork. They may not have been capping, but they were quietly observing...like the martians in War of the Worlds.

      ReplyDelete
    31. SatireguyJune 8, 2014 at 1:24 PM

      "It's from Google but I have no idea what it does."

      ReplyDelete
    32. UnknownJune 8, 2014 at 2:21 PM

      They call me Tripod.

      ReplyDelete
    33. reid savidJune 8, 2014 at 7:16 PM

      ''I record all my social interactions and look for ways to be less awkward.''

      ReplyDelete
    34. AnonymousJune 9, 2014 at 12:39 AM

      "Opening Lines runs through June 15th."

      ReplyDelete
    35. NJ-to-TXJune 10, 2014 at 3:32 AM

      "I just watched some of your old porn from the 70's. They should call this thing Google Ass."

      ReplyDelete
    36. Dr SumguyJune 10, 2014 at 7:49 AM

      "Richard's a terrible lover ... He's about to have an anti-climax!"

      ReplyDelete
    37. Dr SumguyJune 11, 2014 at 4:07 AM

      "Percy here is a presiding judge ... What we are about to witness ... Is a 'Honourable Discharge'!"

      ReplyDelete
    38. reid savidJune 13, 2014 at 8:56 PM

      "I'm going to call it MuseumHub."

      ReplyDelete
    39. NJ-to-TXJune 16, 2014 at 5:26 AM

      "Can I offer you a light?"

      ReplyDelete