Tuesday, March 11, 2014

New Yorker Anti-Caption Contest #419






WINNERS

FIRST PLACE
"According to the Genie, your last wish was for a larger prick!"--Dr Sumguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This may have been slightly funnier if it simply said, “Are you the one who wanted a larger  prick?” It's still the best of the bunch. A women I once knew who was perpetually going on first dates told me: “To find a rose you have to get stuck with a lot of pricks.” This reminded me of that. Nice one Doc.)
SECOND PLACE
You won't believe what an executive membership at Costco gets you.--boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Because everything is big at Costco. Get it? Thanks for being you, boneguy.)
THIRD PLACE
"Picked this baby up cheap. Estate sale, Philip Seymour Hoffman."--NJ-to-TX (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Topical, mean-spirited and, yes, a cautionary tale. Hoffman's death was tragic and horrifying – but mostly infuriating. RIP you dumb-ass genius.)
HONORABLE MENTIONS
You'll feel a little prick and then I'll stab you with this comically large needle.--Levon Delight (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Once again we are reminded that “little prick” has multiple meanings. Reminds us that it's better to finger your prick than to prick your finger.)
"If you're a Doctor, I need a shot of love."

(Excuse me, I threw up a little in my mouth)--Obligatory Dylan (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I don't get the throwing up part and the quote is inaccurate, but am deeply touched by this one. Even though I have not judged the contest in a while, someone threw a Dylan entry again the wall. The 1981 album “Shot of Love” is the last of Dylan's trilogy of Christian albums. The title track includes these puzzling lyrics:

Why would I want to take your life?
You've only murdered my father, raped his wife
Tattooed my babies with a poison pen
Mocked my God, humiliated my friends)
at

19 comments:

  1. LRMarch 12, 2014 at 5:37 AM

    "We're ready to drain that swollen right eye of yours."

    ReplyDelete
  2. UnknownMarch 12, 2014 at 6:27 AM

    You'll feel a little prick and then I'll stab you with this comically large needle.

    ReplyDelete
  3. reid savidMarch 12, 2014 at 7:19 AM

    "My new Mercedes runs on blood."

    ReplyDelete
  4. reid savidMarch 12, 2014 at 7:20 AM

    "Yes, yes it is the cure for autism, Leroy."

    ReplyDelete
  5. NJ-to-TXMarch 12, 2014 at 7:56 AM

    "It's for severe hypochondria."

    ReplyDelete
  6. boneguyMarch 12, 2014 at 8:41 AM

    You won't believe what an executive membership at Costco gets you.

    ReplyDelete
  7. jamesMarch 12, 2014 at 8:54 AM

    "It's like I tell my wife every night. Bend over and take your medicine."

    ReplyDelete
  8. Dr SumguyMarch 12, 2014 at 9:25 AM

    "It's for the Obamacare blood panel ... Barack, Joe, John, Patrick .......

    ReplyDelete
  9. boneguyMarch 12, 2014 at 9:30 AM

    This is our top shelf juice. An hour ago, this was a 10cc syringe.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Dr SumguyMarch 12, 2014 at 9:41 AM

    "According to the Genie, your last wish was for a larger prick!"

    ReplyDelete
  11. boneguyMarch 12, 2014 at 9:49 AM

    Considering the size of your prostate, there is no such thing as too big a biopsy needle.

    ReplyDelete
  12. boneguyMarch 12, 2014 at 11:17 AM

    We call this one the "Chris Christie".

    ReplyDelete
  13. boneguyMarch 13, 2014 at 6:45 AM

    This is what I gave Judy Garland when she was feeling blue.

    ReplyDelete
  14. AnonymousMarch 14, 2014 at 4:18 AM

    "Invasive? Is the Pope Catholic?"

    ReplyDelete
  15. NJ-to-TXMarch 14, 2014 at 9:24 AM

    "Picked this baby up cheap. Estate sale, Philip Seymour Hoffman."

    ReplyDelete
  16. DexMarch 14, 2014 at 4:07 PM

    "This contest needs a little shot in the arm."

    ReplyDelete
  17. AnonymousMarch 15, 2014 at 3:55 PM

    "Five losing seasons in a row for the Mets? This oughtta help."

    Jim Cavanaugh

    ReplyDelete
  18. Obligatory DylanMarch 15, 2014 at 9:01 PM

    "If you're a Doctor, I need a shot of love."

    (Excuse me, I threw up a little in my mouth)

    ReplyDelete
  19. AnonymousMarch 17, 2014 at 4:13 AM

    "How's your constipation now?"

    ReplyDelete