Sunday, September 15, 2013

New Yorker Anti-Caption Contest #396












































WINNERS

FIRST PLACE
"Well, this explains the asshole living in our basement."--Rich Lather (JUDGE'S COMMENT: If the head is in the front lawn, how can the butt be in the basement. This is illogical but still good enough to win.)
SECOND PLACE
"Shit, it's time to moai the lawn again."--NJ-to-TX (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Don't forget to bring your sledge trimmers. [Because you use a sledge hammer to break up rocks—see I still got it.])
THIRD PLACE
I forget, dear. Is it the Macy's Easter Day Parade?--boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Our first caption to ever mention Macy's. Was there just today. They start Christmas displays on Nov. 1. That kind of thing no longer bothers me.)
HONORABLE MENTIONS
"All I can say is that the priest wore black on the seventh day and sat stone-faced while the building burned."--Tim H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: From the amzing Dylan song “Idiot Wind.” The first line say “Someone's got it in for me, they're planting stories in the press.” I love that song.)

"Life is a bust"--O. D. (JUDGE'S COMMENT: More Dylan. All you can do is do what you must, he says.)
"But I would not feel so all alone...everybody must get stoned."--pg13 (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Get stoned is often a solution if you don't want to recall the problem. Yes, it's Dylan )
"Al in L.A., lay across my big grass bed."--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Okay, let's say I do. Then what happens?)
"If Al doesn't judge us soon, we're going to fall off the first page!"--Satireguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Deal with it. There are worst thing in life than not being judged. )
"Mussolini, you crazy bastard! How are you?!"--Anonymouse (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Couldn't let this one go unnoticed. Consideer it noticed.)










    at

    60 comments:

    1. NJ-to-TXSeptember 16, 2013 at 3:48 AM

      "Remember when dad ordered his own headstone before he died?"

      ReplyDelete
    2. ShellySeptember 16, 2013 at 4:14 AM

      "There goes the neighborhood."

      ReplyDelete
    3. AnonymousSeptember 16, 2013 at 5:51 AM

      "Curb appeal? Helen—I can't even find the fucking curb!"

      ReplyDelete
    4. LRSeptember 16, 2013 at 6:21 AM

      "There's another Daniel Day Lewis monument in the yard."

      ReplyDelete
    5. Dr SumguySeptember 16, 2013 at 8:06 AM

      "Busted!"

      ReplyDelete
    6. Dr SumguySeptember 16, 2013 at 8:09 AM

      "Honey, did we sign up for 'Obamacare'?"

      ReplyDelete
    7. Kathy HSeptember 16, 2013 at 9:02 AM

      "Honey, remind me never to open these curtains again."

      ReplyDelete
    8. Tim HSeptember 16, 2013 at 9:04 AM

      "Honey, I think your thingy from eBay just arrived."

      ReplyDelete
    9. AnonymouseSeptember 16, 2013 at 9:06 AM

      "That's funny. He was facing the other way last night. Hmmmm."

      ReplyDelete
    10. boneguySeptember 16, 2013 at 10:09 AM

      I forget, dear. Is it the Macy's Easter Day Parade?

      ReplyDelete
    11. Dr SumguySeptember 16, 2013 at 10:11 AM

      "Well ... This explains my missing bottle of 'Head & Shoulders!"

      ReplyDelete
    12. boneguySeptember 16, 2013 at 10:20 AM

      Because of your "exquisite taste", we can't have a gopher problem like everybody else?

      ReplyDelete
    13. pg13September 16, 2013 at 10:25 AM

      "Honey, you know how I keep asking for more head?"

      ReplyDelete
    14. pg13September 16, 2013 at 10:32 AM

      "This sculpted lawn ordinance has got to go."

      ReplyDelete
    15. AnonymousSeptember 16, 2013 at 10:53 AM

      "The Romney's St. Bernard crapped on our grass again."

      ReplyDelete
    16. NJ-to-TXSeptember 16, 2013 at 10:59 AM

      "Shit, it's time to moai the lawn again."

      ReplyDelete
    17. pg13September 16, 2013 at 11:12 AM

      "That might explain the cannon that sprouted in the back yard last week."

      ReplyDelete
    18. Kathy HSeptember 16, 2013 at 11:53 AM

      "I don't know much about art, but I know what I don't like."

      ReplyDelete
    19. LRSeptember 16, 2013 at 12:08 PM

      "Looks like Edward Hammerandchiselhands has been at it again."

      ReplyDelete
    20. AnonymouseSeptember 16, 2013 at 12:45 PM

      "I like the cut of his jib."

      ReplyDelete
    21. Tim HSeptember 16, 2013 at 12:49 PM

      "All I can say is that the priest wore black on the seventh day and sat stone-faced while the building burned."

      ReplyDelete
    22. AnonymousSeptember 16, 2013 at 2:21 PM

      "Why the lawn face, honey?"

      Jim Cavanaugh

      ReplyDelete
    23. boneguySeptember 16, 2013 at 6:00 PM

      Someone's gotten creative with the Great Dane's crap again.

      ReplyDelete
    24. O. D.September 16, 2013 at 7:05 PM

      "Life is a bust"

      ReplyDelete
    25. Dr SumguySeptember 17, 2013 at 10:31 AM

      "ITS HIM ... 'Saint Andreas Basalt'!"

      ReplyDelete
    26. AnonymousSeptember 17, 2013 at 4:27 PM

      "Don't worry, Honey. Looks like George Zimmerman is about to open fire."

      ReplyDelete
    27. DexSeptember 17, 2013 at 9:02 PM

      "Well, Obama promised .... Obama"

      ReplyDelete
    28. AnonymousSeptember 17, 2013 at 11:03 PM

      "Honey? Did we rent out our front yard to Annie Leibovitz for a Vanity Fare cover shoot?"

      ReplyDelete
    29. pg13September 18, 2013 at 3:53 AM

      "But I would not feel so all alone...everybody must get stoned."

      ReplyDelete
    30. AnonymousSeptember 18, 2013 at 4:29 AM

      "You'll have to lick yourself, honey. This bust is more satisfying."

      ReplyDelete
    31. NJ-to-TXSeptember 18, 2013 at 9:05 AM

      "Yeah, on the lawn. Never mind that - why the hell did you buy this ugly milk lamp?"

      ReplyDelete
    32. boneguySeptember 18, 2013 at 3:45 PM

      Let's just say it's a great relief when Grace Jones Week is finally over.

      ReplyDelete
    33. DexSeptember 18, 2013 at 8:19 PM

      Waxing [wak-sing]
      the art or practice of clipping bushes into ornamental shapes.

      ReplyDelete
    34. NJ-to-TXSeptember 18, 2013 at 8:26 PM

      "Do we have jewels and binoculars to hang from the head?"

      ReplyDelete
    35. gfwriteSeptember 19, 2013 at 1:49 AM

      Now I see what you meant by 'our landscaper is a chiseler.'

      ReplyDelete
    36. gfwriteSeptember 19, 2013 at 1:50 AM

      Harvey struggles to appreciate the gift from "The Most Interesting Man in the World."

      ReplyDelete
    37. SatireguySeptember 19, 2013 at 1:43 PM

      Steve once again regrets choosing the 'wild card' option for his vacation getaway package.

      ReplyDelete
    38. Dr SumguySeptember 19, 2013 at 8:30 PM

      Broken Obama promise ... 'This Child Was Left Behind'!

      ReplyDelete
    39. SatireguySeptember 20, 2013 at 10:09 AM

      "Your father's here."

      ReplyDelete
    40. SatireguySeptember 20, 2013 at 5:06 PM

      "First the horse's head in my bed and now this!"

      ReplyDelete
    41. PuffinSeptember 21, 2013 at 12:16 AM

      "Something is happening here but you don't know what it is,do you, Mister Jones?"

      ReplyDelete
    42. AnonymousSeptember 21, 2013 at 9:27 AM

      You're better off a head

      ReplyDelete
    43. AnonymousSeptember 22, 2013 at 8:38 AM

      "It get's worse, Blanche. They didn't toilet paper the yard."

      ReplyDelete
    44. AnonymousSeptember 22, 2013 at 3:12 PM

      "I'm haunted by the face of my victim."

      Jim Cavanaugh

      ReplyDelete
    45. ctaSeptember 23, 2013 at 11:41 AM

      "My gift? Well, you know I'm having a hard time keeping a straight face."

      ReplyDelete
    46. AnonymousSeptember 23, 2013 at 2:19 PM

      "I wished for a rock hard slong not a carved rock on my lawn."

      ReplyDelete
    47. AnonymousSeptember 24, 2013 at 5:17 PM

      Have you seen the dog's shit, honey?

      ReplyDelete
    48. AnonymousSeptember 29, 2013 at 7:40 AM

      "Al in L.A., lay across my big grass bed."

      ReplyDelete
    49. Kathy HOctober 1, 2013 at 9:52 AM

      "Honey, didn't you say that today was recycling pick-up day?"

      ReplyDelete
    50. NJ-to-TXOctober 8, 2013 at 4:58 AM

      "I think I've figured out the source of the fecal matter in our well water."

      ReplyDelete
    51. Big RedOctober 12, 2013 at 6:00 PM

      I love your virility totem - but I had to half-bury it to keep the kids from swinging on it.

      ReplyDelete
    52. Dazed and ConfusedOctober 12, 2013 at 6:02 PM

      How did the world's biggest bobble-head get on our lawn?

      ReplyDelete
    53. SatireguyOctober 16, 2013 at 7:27 PM

      "I feel so bad about dumping on al in la for not judging the contest. How was I to know that he had been turned into a giant chocolate Easter Island head?"

      ReplyDelete
    54. NJ-to-TXOctober 18, 2013 at 5:08 AM

      "Honey, why do you bother to bother to open the anti-cap page every morning and expect something different to be ... Whoah!!!"

      ReplyDelete
    55. SatireguyOctober 19, 2013 at 9:06 AM

      "First the horse's head in my bed and now this!"

      ReplyDelete
    56. Tim HOctober 23, 2013 at 9:10 AM

      "Honey, the Landmarks Commission just called. They said this thing has been here so long, we can't legally move it."

      ReplyDelete
    57. SatireguyOctober 30, 2013 at 10:03 AM

      "If Al doesn't judge us soon, we're going to fall off the first page!"

      ReplyDelete
    58. AnonymousNovember 5, 2013 at 3:57 AM

      "Damn - we're in older posts now."

      ReplyDelete
    59. SatireguyNovember 5, 2013 at 12:11 PM

      "I told you we'd fall off the first page. Damn you, al in la!"

      ReplyDelete
    60. UnknownJuly 4, 2014 at 1:24 PM

      see more about Haley Joel Osment at http://duckhits.com/9254/8-former-child-stars-stuck-with-their-kid-faces

      ReplyDelete