Sunday, September 1, 2013

New Yorker Anti-Caption Contest #394
















WINNERS


FIRST PLACE


I know how this ends. I drown in 3 teaspoons of garlic butter and you account for half the dry weight of a 50lb bag of Purina.---boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENTS: Poorly drawn, stupid concept...this cartoon sucks monkey balls. That's why I'm dispensing of it early. With this winning entry, boneguy proves he once again he is like a domestic goddess who can whip up something special even from a can of Spam—which ironically has less meat in it than most dog food.)


SECOND PLACE


It's been hell on my balls.--boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENTS: And yes he gets  2nd place for the same reason. We're left to wonder what the “it” refers to. His life? No time to equivocate, let's get this one out of the way... )


THIRD PLACE


"I'm going to buy a Maserati ... Paint a large 'S' on the side ... And people will say ... "Look at that 'S-Car Go'"!"--Dr Sumguy (JUDGE'S COMMENTS: Even when the cartoon sucks, count on an Anti-Capper to come up with an appropriately sucky pun. Some thought went in to this. But how would he operate the gas and break pedals? Where would he get the money for such a fancy car? Well?)


HONORABLE MENTIONS


"Politically, I'm left of centaur."--Dex (JUDGE'S COMMENTS: The half-man/half-snail is actually to the left of the half-man/half-house so this sort of has merit. )


"I'm not half the man I used to be"--Crytomnesia (JUDGE'S COMMENTS: Very awful. Still, in the absense of a Dylan-related cap I'll settle for something from the cute Beatle.)


"This life can put a slug in you"...wrong Dylan, but a great line.
(Admitting an error - good for the soul)--Obligatory Dylan (JUDGE'S COMMENTS: Turns out O.D. is quoting some wanna-be named Dylan Owen. I do not believe for a second that entering this was an error. What's really good for the soul is saying something that makes others chuckle. [Also it's not a slug.] Here's a Dylan line for you O.D.: “Sometimes, I feel so low down and disgusted. Can't help but wonder what's happening to my companions...”)


The lady who owns the garden I live in would like you to come over and take a crap in it.--boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENTS: Come on boneguy! Give someone else a chance. Also, “dump” would have worked better than “crap,” and “shit” would have been more Anti-Cap. )


"Apparently, Mr. Radosh, you did not read the fine print."--TH Redux (JUDGE'S COMMENTS: Like many others, I often wonder if Daniel made a deal with the devil to get himself hired at The Daily Show. You know, like he gets this great job but is somehow transformed into a weird mutant creature. If that seems petty and envious, so be it.)

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    39 comments:

    1. PiSeptember 1, 2013 at 10:28 PM

      "Hunger can change everything you thought you knew about yourself."

      ReplyDelete
    2. DexSeptember 1, 2013 at 11:20 PM

      "Politically, I'm left of centaur."

      ReplyDelete
    3. Dr SumguySeptember 1, 2013 at 11:32 PM

      "I'm going to buy a Maserati ... Paint a large 'S' on the side ... And people will say ... "Look at that 'S-Car Go'"!"

      ReplyDelete
    4. Dr SumguySeptember 1, 2013 at 11:44 PM

      "And another thing ... I'm never homeless!"

      ReplyDelete
    5. Dr SumguySeptember 2, 2013 at 12:01 AM

      "Do you have any 'SHELL' oil, I'm low a quart!"

      ReplyDelete
    6. ShellySeptember 2, 2013 at 1:36 AM

      "Did you myth me?"

      ReplyDelete
    7. ShellySeptember 2, 2013 at 1:45 AM

      "I don't care if Mom is a tape dispenser. Dad & I love her."

      ReplyDelete
    8. boneguySeptember 2, 2013 at 7:53 AM

      I'm not sure what it is, but I've been feeling sluggish lately.

      ReplyDelete
    9. AnonymousSeptember 2, 2013 at 8:07 AM

      "Because mom started pub-crawling after they had you."

      ReplyDelete
    10. boneguySeptember 2, 2013 at 8:10 AM

      It's been hell on my balls.

      ReplyDelete
    11. LRSeptember 2, 2013 at 8:59 AM

      "I think it was a couple of turtles that blew past me. Not sure though, it all happened so fast.

      ReplyDelete
    12. Dr SumguySeptember 2, 2013 at 9:11 AM

      "Do you have any 'Viagra'? ... I feel like I need a lift."

      ReplyDelete
    13. Dr SumguySeptember 2, 2013 at 9:28 AM

      "Now you tell me. ... I was adopted!!!"

      ReplyDelete
    14. Obligatory DylanSeptember 2, 2013 at 10:17 AM

      "This life can put a slug in you"

      ReplyDelete
    15. Obligatory DylanSeptember 2, 2013 at 10:31 AM

      ...wrong Dylan, but a great line.

      (Admitting an error - good for the soul)

      ReplyDelete
    16. TH ReduxSeptember 2, 2013 at 3:20 PM

      "Apparently, Mr. Radosh, you did not read the fine print."

      ReplyDelete
    17. J.D. KnottSeptember 2, 2013 at 3:25 PM

      "and yet somehow we're both hung like lemurs"

      ReplyDelete
    18. PuffinSeptember 2, 2013 at 5:43 PM

      "Well may you laugh, but I smash it with the French."

      ReplyDelete
    19. UnknownSeptember 3, 2013 at 5:00 AM

      I'm less Cimarron and more Cinnabon

      ReplyDelete
    20. boneguySeptember 3, 2013 at 11:09 AM

      I'm trying to sell this thing so I can go on my unplugged tour.

      ReplyDelete
    21. NJ-to-TXSeptember 3, 2013 at 1:05 PM

      "I saw the menus. We are now considered delicacies."

      ReplyDelete
    22. boneguySeptember 3, 2013 at 5:36 PM

      The lady who owns the garden I live in would like you to come over and take a crap in it.

      ReplyDelete
    23. AnonymousSeptember 4, 2013 at 4:27 AM

      "That crystal myth is bad stuff."

      ReplyDelete
    24. Dr SumguySeptember 4, 2013 at 7:29 AM

      "Do you have Assad's phone number? ... My slime level is getting low!"

      ReplyDelete
    25. pg13September 5, 2013 at 1:46 AM

      "Rex Ryan says if I'm man enough, I'll be the starter."

      ReplyDelete
    26. Delusional, judgemental, and slightly-homophobic snailSeptember 5, 2013 at 10:58 AM

      "Nice hair, you faceless queerbait."

      ReplyDelete
    27. ctaSeptember 5, 2013 at 11:03 AM

      "Can you help me? I'm looking for the famous Greek philosopher, Aristurtle."

      ReplyDelete
    28. boneguySeptember 5, 2013 at 6:10 PM

      I know how this ends. I drown in 3 teaspoons of garlic butter and you account for half the dry weight of a 50lb bag of Purina.

      ReplyDelete
    29. Really Needs a Life. Google It.September 6, 2013 at 9:44 PM

      "Obama promised Kentaurides"

      ReplyDelete
    30. CrytomnesiaSeptember 6, 2013 at 9:50 PM

      "I'm not half the man I used to be"

      ReplyDelete
    31. gfwriteSeptember 7, 2013 at 1:22 AM

      I mythed you lathed week at the Thenate meeting.

      ReplyDelete
    32. gfwriteSeptember 7, 2013 at 1:23 AM

      Do you get as confused as I do about what to eat?

      ReplyDelete
    33. gfwriteSeptember 7, 2013 at 1:24 AM

      No I defintely DON'T want to go out for a salt lick. I voted NO on the salt weapons ban.

      ReplyDelete
    34. gfwriteSeptember 7, 2013 at 1:26 AM

      A little mix-up in the Garden of Eden. You?

      ReplyDelete
    35. gfwriteSeptember 7, 2013 at 1:29 AM

      What do you think of all this hybrid technology?

      ReplyDelete
    36. gfwriteSeptember 7, 2013 at 1:29 AM

      Why do YOU get all the girls?

      ReplyDelete
    37. al in laSeptember 7, 2013 at 12:33 PM

      Note to gfwrite: Dude, too little too late! It's over! Save it for next week.

      ReplyDelete
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      ReplyDelete
    39. UnknownNovember 16, 2017 at 11:10 PM

      happy new year quotes for family

      ReplyDelete