New Yorker Anti-Caption Contest #392

WINNERS

FIRST PLACE

"I told you, no more dog pose!"--pg13 (JUDGE"S COMMENTS: In a laudable yet desperate display of Anti-Capping, pg13 threw multiple caps against the wall including a trio that hit almost immediately after the contest was posted. Most sucked but this one stuck. Yoga instructors put people in positions better suited to a prison bitch. That's a barrier for many would-be students. This cap also reminds us what happens when muscular simpletons get fed up with being fucked over. Noted.)

SECOND PLACE

"Me not do nuance well!"--Anonymouse (JUDGE'S COMMENTS: Calls attention to George W.'s woeful rein in the White House. A recently launched website – BushRewrite.org – attempts to set the record straight through the use of facts. To paraphrase Mark Twain: “A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes—or starting its own website.” )

THIRD PLACE

"Obama promise change!"


"Your mantra clip on!"

"Hours here... Wraawr!!!"--Some Green Guy (JUDGE'S COMMENTS: A fitting tribute to Anti-Cappers who approach this contest with the grace of a hungry bear pawing through a picnic basket. [You know who you are!] When your only tool is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.)

HONORABLE MENTIONS

"Whaddya mean Yogi Berra wasn't a yogi?!"--Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENTS: As a kid I thought the Yankee great WAS indeed named Yogi Bear. Kathy knows what Yogi meant when he said: “You can observe a lot by watching”)

"Well, me call it a tuba!"--Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENTS: This suggests I'm the one being pounded into the wall by a thug with limited language skills. It also reminds us how someone like that handles conflict. Kathy is very perceptive.)

"Ferrigno, you crazy bastard! How are you?"
--Jim Cavanaugh (JUDGE'S COMMENTS: A rather pedestrian attempt at a classic. Years before starring on TV as The Hulk, Lou Ferrigno became obsessed with body building as a means of developing self confidence due a speech impediment. His work ethic and determination should be an inspiration to all of us. This nasty little cap suggests he is emotionally unbalanced. How insensitive can you be? )

...and give my regards to Woo Fawigno.--boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENTS: Much better. I always got a kick out of the way Mr. Muscles sounds like Elmer Fudd eating and a peanut butter sandwich. He also has a face like a movie star: Lassie. [And that's how insensitive I can be. Try harder next time, Jim. Okay?] Nice one boneguy!)

Looks like another Banner day!--Bruce DeMoose (JUDGE'S COMMENTS: I don't know who this Bruce person is but he took the name of Hulk's character and made it into a obvious pun. Nice try. This is probably the best cap ever entered here by someone named DeMoose—in fact no probably about it.)

"That's MR. Eddie's father to you"--Mrs. Livingston (JUDGE'S COMMENTS: Bill Bixby's two signature roles where “Eddie's Father” and the guy who transformed into The Hulk [that's when “Woo Fawigno” took over.] When I'm hangin' with my granddaughter, I sometimes hear in my head the song from The Courtship of Eddie's Father: “People let me tell you about my best friend. He's a one boy cuddily toy, my up, my down, my pride and joy.” Except, of course, my special buddy is a 2 ½ year old little girl.)

"You betray us, Radosh!"--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENTS: Remarkably, it was exactly four years ago [give or take a week or two] that a nebbish kid from Brooklyn was hired away from judging the Anti-Cap Contest [for which he was paid nothing], to become a writer for The Daily Show [a gig for which he gets paid bookoo bucks]. Yes, a good-bye would have been nice, but to say he betrayed us is like saying a sneeze is betrayed by a Kleenex. Remember, The Daily Show from 1996 to 1998 was hosted by Craig Kilborn before Jon Stewart took over. I like to think that change in management parallels this contest. Bottomline: Let it go.)

"Homeward Bound" performed by Bob Dylan in concert: 6-6-91 Rome, Italy; 6-14-91 Innsbruck, Austria; 7-6-91 Nashua, New Hampshire. 

Your move, Al.

http://www.bobdylan.com/us/songs/homeward-bound--Obligatory Dylan (notorized rebuttal edition) (JUDGE'S COMMENTS: Noted.)

Next time Hulk at least gets Honorable Mention!--boneguy (JUDGE"S COMMENTS: Noted.)

There you go, Jakob! NOW you're a wallflower!--Angus Podgorny (JUDGE"S COMMENTS: As if! Bob Dylan's very talented son Jakob, now 43[!], has been a Wallflower for over 20 years! A few lines from his song “One Headlight” inspired me to leave NYC and the Staten Is. apartment I had occupied for 14 years:

Well this place is old

It feels just like a beat up truck

I turn the engine, but the engine doesn't turn

Well it smells of cheap wine & cigarettes

This place is always such a mess

Sometimes I think I'd like to watch it burn

[And, of course, the chorus:]

Hey, come on try a little

Nothing is forever

There's got to be something better than

In the middle...

There were other factors [i.e. an offer to become editor of an L.A.-based magazine], but as much as anything else, that song spurred my transformation from al in S.I. to al in la. Thank you Jakob.)