WINNERS
FIRST
PLACE
Dick
Cheney: "Think I can hit Obama from here?"
Christ
: "What an asshole..."--smuck
(JUDGE'S
COMMENT: A skillful and imaginative blend of Vice-bashing and an
Anti-Cap classic. Nice. It was Dead-Eye Dick who confidently
predicted Barry would be a one-term president. )
SECOND
PLACE
"Hey,
I thought of this first! Don't you be trying to steal my
thunder!"--cta (JUDGE'S
COMMENT: Hate to splt hairs but the suit is hurling lightening, not
thunder. Even so, this suggests God is territorial. Who knew?)
THIRD
PLACE
"C-mon!
Throw strikes, asshole."--Anonymous (JUDGE'S
COMMENT: If he intentionally beans a batter, God could be ejected. Then what would we do?)
HONORABLE
MENTIONS
"Thunder
on the mountain, fires on the moon. There's a ruckus in the alley and
the sun will be here soon."--Tim
H (JUDGE'S
COMMENT: From Dylan's terrific song “Thunder on the Mountain”
which appears on the 2006 album “Modern Times.” The part that
says he's “Been thinkin' 'bout Alicia
Keys” is slightly creepy, but
long story
short: I got it.)
"Acts
of God. If they only knew they were actually Acts of Bob."--Dex
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: Maybe I'm
projecting but this also appears to be a Dylan reference.)
"Pirelli,
you crazy bastard! How are you hitting every car but those with
Italian tires?"--LR (JUDGE'S
COMMENT: A classic, albeit baffling.)
"Kill
Philip Rivers. He fucked up my fantasy team."--NJ-to-TX
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: Kind of dumb
but I always thought the lighting bolts on the Charger's helmets
where tacky. My fantasy team is the USC cheerleaders. Go Trojans!)
"Two
hundred eleven games seems fair. Let's see him appeal this!"--
Jim
Cavanaugh (JUDGE'S COMMENT:
A-Rod's hearing will be Sept. 30. Until then, he breaths the air of a
free man. After his ridiculously long suspension, he will breath the
air of a free agent.)
"Well,
if you must, aim for that naked guy sneaking into that
house."--Anonymouse
(JUDGE'S
COMMENT: Hense the expression “lightning rod,” I guess.)
"If
alinla doesn't google fusilier fish with five minutes you can throw
the fucker at him."
--
Jim Cavanaugh
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: I googled “obsessive-compulsive control-freak”
and it produced a large mouth bass by the name of Cavanaugh.)
When
al strikes oil he stops drilling. Catchy...and what a great life
lesson. And besides, who gives a shit if a fusilier is a fish or
not.--Anonymous
(JUDGE'S
COMMENT:
There are a great many things that I do not give a shit about. Arena
football, “Game
of Thrones,"
and all three of the Dekotas –North, South and Fanning – to name
a few.)
Throw
one al's way to remind him what bad weather looks like.--boneguy
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: Metaphorically, I
need no reminder.)
In
Al's universe, I provide the rolling thunder.--Angus
Podgorny (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A
reference to Dylan's mid-'70's multi-musician concert tour, I
realize, but if history has taught us anything: Noting good ever
comes from a guy in a suit throwing lightning bolts.)
"Well, if you must, aim for that naked guy sneaking into that house."
ReplyDelete"Thor, most people would be satisfied just having a day of the week named after them."
ReplyDelete"Thunder on the mountain, fires on the moon. There's a ruckus in the alley and the sun will be here soon."
ReplyDelete"Aim for that 'Tesla S". It looks like he has 'Range Anxiety'!"
ReplyDelete"I don't care if your sore Thor! Stop throwing curveballs!"
ReplyDelete"Slow down! Our 'PG&E' bill is off the wall!"
ReplyDelete"Hey, I thought of this first! Don't you be trying to steal my thunder!"
ReplyDelete"Are you freakin' kidding me??"
ReplyDelete"I said, 'Are you freakin' kidding me??'"
ReplyDelete"It was more fun when we used the shovel!"
ReplyDeleteIt's been so long I forgot what fun smiting can be.
ReplyDeleteThat one has Bashar Assad's name on it.
ReplyDelete"MICHAEL BOLTON...Nooooooo!"
ReplyDelete"Are you ever gonna give those poor bastards a break? Your last one hit Matt Harvey in the elbow."
ReplyDeleteJim Cavanaugh
"For the love of God, will you please consider the Kentucky windage!!"
ReplyDelete"OK, but remember rain is always my pee."
ReplyDeleteMy rule of thumb is aim for Ireland. Chances are 50/50 you'll hit a pedophile priest.
ReplyDelete"Acts of God. If they only knew they were actually Acts of Bob."
ReplyDelete"Your chances of winning the lottery are better."
ReplyDelete"I'll double the money if you hit Rachel Ray."
ReplyDelete20 dead people. Zero emissions.
ReplyDelete"Today on Who Wants to Kill People, it's...the Lightning Round!"
ReplyDelete"Jesus, Lee Trevino's had enough. Do you want me to have you crucified again? Naughty, Jesus, naughty!"
ReplyDelete"Shocking,"
ReplyDeleteTwo out of three for the title of "Master of the Universe".
ReplyDeleteHey Thurber, no more Jolt cola for you!
ReplyDeleteWhen al strikes oil he stops drilling. Catchy...and what a great life lesson. And besides, who gives a shit if a fusilier is a fish or not.
ReplyDelete"Hey! Who died and made you god?!"
ReplyDelete"You neighborhood watch people are all alike."
ReplyDeleteThrow one al's way to remind him what bad weather looks like.
ReplyDelete"As suspected, you're a little lightning in the loafers"
ReplyDelete"I'm not really used to being a caddy, Mr. Blankfein, but for you..."
ReplyDeleteHurry up. Jesus is considering abolishing the one strike and you're out rule.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry about disappointing me. You can't possibly throw worse than Tebow.
ReplyDeleteIn Al's universe, I provide the rolling thunder.
ReplyDelete"You throw like a girl!"
ReplyDelete"That's right—weight on the balls of your feet, keep your head still, rotate your shoulders. Now nail the bastard."
ReplyDelete"Just wait 'til they feel the wrath of God's lawyer!"
ReplyDelete"Hold off until I settle the Gatorade lawsuit."
ReplyDelete"Two hundred eleven games seems fair. Let's see him appeal this!"
ReplyDeleteJim Cavanaugh
"You be Shock, and I'll be Awe."
ReplyDelete"A nut and a bolt"
ReplyDelete"I've told you before - no bonus points for a buttshot."
ReplyDelete"Dick, Dick, you have to have all the money before you can start doing that."
ReplyDelete