New Yorker Anti-Caption Contest #372

WINNERS

FIRST PLACE

"The idea for a more compliant workforce just popped into my head while I was pounding my sex doll."--Steve_O (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The idea that maybe someday we'll get funnier entries popped into my head when I read this week's batch, but you work with what you have. Instead of “sex doll” maybe “inflatable love-mate” would have given this more street cred, but the intend is clear: Management favors compliance over competency the way Anti-Cappers favor juvenile, sexually tinged entries over everything sensible.)

SECOND PLACE

"Jeez. I kinda hate to tell him that he's been replaced by an Argentine Jesuit."--Anonymouse (JUDGE'S COMMENT: As is so often the case, there is depth here that may have eluded the Anti-Capper. The new Pope is an Argentine Jesuit and while he seems like a breath of fresh air for his apparent disgust at the opulence that ignores the needy, he is like a wind-up doll when addressing reproductive rights and marriage equality. Also, he gives no indication that he will oppose the designated hitter rule. In other words: More of the same )

THIRD PLACE

how are so many anti-cappers missing the other wind-up guy?--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Anti-Cappers missed something? Go figure. This would have been much better if it began with an uppercase letter and had quote marks around it to ensure that it was meant as a cap. )

HONORABLE MENTIONS

"It really sucks around here since Steve Jobs died."--Steve_O (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Jobs encouraged workers to unlock the shackles of conformity. His legacy endures.)

"Hey, Harry, what do you make of the fact that a mouse appears in two Contests in a row?"--Tim H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: To which Harry would say: So what? TimH has had his bland and mediocre caps appear in the last 100 caps in a row.)

"I thought these new droids weren't supposed to look at porn."--reid savid (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This would have been better if there was any hint that porn is actually appearing on their screens. OR, reading deeper, maybe they are tech manuals appearing on the screen which may in fact be droid porn—just speculating.)

"I hired a couple of widgets. I hope you don't mind."--Jess (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A classic pressed into service. Widgets are not typically robots, but we'll let that slide.)

"The hours here are byzantine*"


*Relating to, or characterized by a devious and usually surreptitious manner of operation (a byzantine power struggle.)--Jess (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Another classic. The need to explain it somehow diminishes it but also makes sense.)

"So which one's Keyser Söze?"--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: References an appropriate character from the film, The Usual Suspects. Also includes those two dots over a letter which shows attention to detail.)

"Fuck you!...that's his name. He's from Mitch and Murray and he's on a mission of mercy."--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: And this one is from “Glenn Garry, Glenn Ross.” The story line deals with marginalized workers so this works a little bit but they don't seem to be self-loathing. I mean where's Jack Lemmon?)

"They're wooden soldiers driving Barnaby and his bogeymen from Toyland...using drones of course."--NAMBY (JUDGE'S COMMENT: If you are familiar with the 1934 Laurel and Hardy film “March of the Wooden Soldiers” and the ongoing drone program – this makes a little bit of sense.)

I'm trying to set him up with the pretty blow up doll in accounts receivable.--boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Like this week's the winner, but not nearly as good. Sadly, boneguy's slump continues. )

I can hear the turning of the key

I’ve been deceived by the clown inside of me

I thought that he was righteous but he’s vain

Oh, something’s a-telling me I wear the ball and chain--JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Here again we see yet another failed effort to out-Dylan the Judge. This is from an obscure song “Abandoned Love.” Johnny, no doubt, found that out by Googling “Dylan” and “key.” I found that out by knowing it. It happens to be one of my favorite Dylan songs. It also includes these lines: “Everybody’s wearing a disguise/To hide what they’ve got left behind their eyes.” In other words “Something is happening here but you don't know what it is. Do you Mr. B?”)

I tried giving Johnny B a couple of extra turns but still nothing funny.--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Your time would be better spent pulling on a bull's tits in the hopes of drawing milk.)

"We should just hire Asians because they work this hard with no breaks anyway. Is this racist enough for the real contest?"--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This references my recent non-contest blog enter. Always nice to see someone's paying attention.)

Removed by anticaptioner--Dr Sumguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Discretion is the better part of valor. I include this to applaud what was undoubtedly a wise move. You listening, Mr. B?)

Jenkins, meet al's replacement. I told you a mindless automaton could do it.--boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A mindless automaton with the patience of a saint, a propensity to make type-o's, and, of course,  an encyclopedic knowledge of a lot of shit most people are clueless about, you mean.)