New Yorker Anti-Caption Contest #368

NOTE: The NYer Cap Contest is stretched over two weeks, but in the spirit of trying to keep this thing moving, I have coughed up winners and even posted a bonus contest. Reflect your gratitude in the form of captions that don't waste every one's time. 

WINNERS

FIRST PLACE

Any idea where I can get a "If You Can Read This The Bitch Fell Off " back tattoo ?--boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A little wordy but I laughed a knowing laugh the first time I saw this on the back of a t-shirt. It's a commentary on the duplicity of the biker lifestyle. They often resent the only person who truly loves them. They also get a lot of tattoos. Added plus: this cap would never gain traction in the NYer.)

SECOND PLACE

Yes, I'm uncircumcised, how did you ... oh, no helmet!--JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: About as good as you are going to get from Johnny. Say what you will about this veteran Anti-Capper who is back week after week, he gives good head...[wait for it]...jokes. )

THIRD PLACE

There was a man from Boston,

who had an Austin Malton.

He had room for his ass

and a gallon of gas

but his balls hung out

and he lost 'em!--Dr Sumguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: We seldom get caps in the form of verse. This is also a cautionary tale about the dangers of riding naked. Although Boston is a bit cold right now for this type of thing. )

HONORABLE MENTIONS

"The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like roman candles exploding across the stars. Bitch."--Steve_O (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A Jack Kerouac sample. He didn't use the word “bitch.” He didn't have to. Thanks for this Steve. It would be the winner if it wasn't so perfect.)

"You must be Fonda Peters, no?"--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A good little pun and it suggests the girl rider is speeding up to get a peek at his pecker. Someone else said it was a porn movie called “Sleazy Rider” but I'm trying to cut down on the number of Honorable Mentions as a means of wasting as little time as possible on this. )

"The Harleys here are obscene."--REX (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Keeping alive a classic at all costs.)

"I's high flyin', bare naked ..."--Obligatory Dylan (JUDGE'S COMMENT: From the 1963 Dylan song "I Shall Be Free." It is a rambling little ditty from his second debut album. It includes these verses which clearly reference an erection: “Well, my telephone rang it would not stop / It's President Kennedy callin' me up / He said, 'My friend, Bob, what do we need to make the country grow'? / I said, 'My friend, John, Brigitte Bardot...Anita Ekberg...Sophia Loren...Country'll grow.'” Get it?)

"What the fuck is going on here!?" *



* There are numerous problems with this drawing. The most obvious one involves the design of the scooter. The frame of a scooter is designed so that the rider can place her feet on a platform in front of the seat. On a motorcycle, the rider straddles a seat and places her feet on pegs that jut out from the frame. In this drawing, the scooter has pegs and the rider has to lean her body far forward to use them, as if riding a sport bike.--smuck (JUDGE'S COMMENT: You forgot to mention that the guy on the chopper is naked. Take a tip from me: Don't over-think this stuff or it will rot what's left of your brain. )

This is what I did today (that's me without the hat). Please don't judge me for not judging you. As I explain repeatedly, I have been, you know, kind of busy with other stuff. If you want to caption this photo feel free, but anyone who makes fun of Mrs. Al on the other bike risks a life-time ban from the Anti Cap, as if it has any life left at all in la--JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Johnny has cleverly taken something I added to this blog and twisted it a bit and made it as funny as anything he has ever entered. I take umbrage at the suggestion that I “repeatedly” explain my situation. I don't do anything on this blog repeatedly, which is why you and some other diehards are left with no other sites to visit on the internet.)

My riding naked makes as much sense as al posting to this ghost ship of a site.--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Ouch! This was the first cap entered. Since I was about 15 I have been writing in a journal that no one but me has ever seen. Don't talk to me about ghost ships. )

"The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind, and so is my cock and balls. Go Mets! Nova sure is Cute. Have you ever seen Mystery Alaska... Greatest movie ever! I'm a writer...I'm a writer!!!!"--Psycko Phant (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A nephew of mine once proudly observed “Uncle Al is a writer!” I immediately corrected him by simply saying “Failed writer.” That was like 20 years ago but this cap made me think of that telling moment. Writers comes in many forms, as do judges.)

Technically it should be 'are' blowing in the wind--Word Police (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Actually...oh never mind! )