New Yorker Anti-Caption Contest #363

WINNERS

FIRST PLACE

"OK maybe you're right; in order to be anatomically correct, we should switch."--Satireguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This also occurred to me. Not funny but slightly perceptive. Interestingly, an electrical “outlet” is something that you plug in to. The take way: Sexual suggestions often involve contradictions.)

SECOND PLACE

“If our work is going to involve a bit of the old in-out, let’s do it at my place.”--Shelly (JUDGE'S COMMENT: One of a handful of references to the classic-yet-troubling film “A Clockwork Orange.” Alex, the main character, refers to sex as "the old in-out."  [Yes, I realize it was also a book – but I never read it, so...] Like boys in junior high, Anti-Cappers find a sexual reference in everything. It's just the way we roll.)

THIRD PLACE

Well I don't think this is what a hamburger is all about.--JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Not funny, even by JohnnyB-standards. A reference to In-N-Out, a fast food chain known for its low prices, long waits and tomatoes much thicker than they need to be – in other words a fitting metaphor for this contest. )

HONORABLE MENTIONS

"Indiana wants me, but I can't go back there."--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: So you took a job holding someone's out box? This references a bizarre 1970 song from the Canadian one-hit wonder, R. Dean Taylor. The song, which featured police sirens at the beginning and end is about a fugitive who, as you may have guessed, is from Indiana. It left many people scratching Their head, so the Dylan influence is obvious)

"Yeah, I'll go out with you...and even fuck your brains out. But first I need a signature."--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is a statement on the effect of bureaucracy on promiscuity. No, it is not funny but it is crude and slightly crafty. I have also wondered why someone would want their brains spilled out during a sex act.)

"And the first thing that flashed into my gulliver was that I'd like to have her right down there on the floor with the old in-out, real savage."--Alex (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Another Clockwork Orange reference. The speeded by sex scene is a classic. Even before he is reformed, Alex is a likeable psychopath—you know like Tony Soprano.)

"The papers here are a ream."--LR (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A huge reach for a classic but this does sound a little little “The hours here are obscene” so... )

Shut up, Bob, everyone knows your box is a clip-on.--JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: JohnnyB also goes hunting for a classic. The provocative part comes when we wonder what the box is clipped on to. That why Johnny grinned sheepishly when he posted this.)

"I hear it's alinla's homage to March ("In like a lion; out like a lamb.") because that's when he plans on judging this particular Anti-Cap Contest."--Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: “Plan” is not a word often associated with me. I also hate when people throw in a semi-colon just for the hell of it.)

No, you tell al the anti cap workload distribution doesn't reflect reality.--boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I have no idea what boneguy is trying to say here but I'm rather deflect reality than reflect it...or embrace it. Does that make sense.)

"I don't know what you think you're doing, but I've got all the anti-cap submissions from Contests #357-#360 . . . either way, I think we'll be here awhile . . ."--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: At least I didn't declare everyone a winner, as Radosh once did. If you are wondering I will tell you: the only paying job I have these days is sitting here writing and editing on my laptop. Sometimes, like last night, I plop down in my chair after dinner and [except for an occasional potty break] work til sunrise. Taking time out to make fun of Anti Cappers is a luxury I simply can not afford. Hopefully that will change once I find employment that is not the same –more or less-- as doing this. Hope that helps. )