Bonus Anti-Cap

WINNERS

FIRST PLACE
"The oars here are obscene. Oh fuck, where did my oars go?"--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: For those just joining us, the classic cap to this cartoon is "The hours here are obscene."  In January 2003 it finished first in the real contest after it was submitted by Harry Effron, an occasional Anti-Capper. The "oars" variation is in keeping with the way this cap has poped-up here in Anti-Cap land over the years. The Anti-Capper knew this but added a completely incomprehensible twist and a dirty word. This is clearly the work of someone who knows what they're doing. )

SECOND PLACE 
"Yes, this is Daniel Radosh. And, yes, this is some sort of time warp."--Anonymouse(JUDGE'S COMMENT: Again, for those who just stumbled in, Radosh is the founder of the Anti-Caption contest. About three years ago he was hired away by John Stewart's Daily Show as a writer and has since earned Emmy's, free Starbucks and wide acclaim. No doubt there have been many offers to have sex and/or do drugs. When Daniel ditched the contest I, a long time participant [and occasional winner], moved it to my meager blog. I thought of it as a perverse public service and a chance to finally oversee some tiny spec of something as I continue to seek meaningful employment as a writer/editor.  The contest has been here for years now and I often wonder if Daniel ever thinks about us every now and again. )

THIRD PLACE
"I hate this clock. Why?- No second hand. Did I get it new?- No, secondhand."--LR (JUDGE'S COMMENT: We pay homage to this kind of pun here. Always have. )

HONORABLE MENTIONS

"Yeah, I just ordered the large wall-mount pizza with thirteen toppings and one of those toppings is like fucking moving."--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This offers a really stupid alternative theory to the assumption that it's a clock. The child-like creativity is notable, but wouldn't the cheese slide off?)

"The hours here are shit, piss, fuck cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker and tits."--REX (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A practical application of George Carlin's classic Seven Dirty words. I guess we could use five more.)

"Hard times baby, well they come to tell us all. 

Sure as the tickin' of the clock on the wall."--

Bruce S. 

 (JUDGE'S COMMENT:  Sure as the turnin' of the night into day... A few lines from Springsteen's  "Waitin' on a Sunny Day." Thanks for classing up the joint.)

"♫ Does anybody really know what time it is? ♫ "--Shelly (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Not the first time we've seen musical notes here but the first time we have a line from Chicago. They are one of those bands that simply refuse to go away. They are still out there touring with The Doobie Brothers. I guess they really don't know what time it is.)

"I got got got got no time."--Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Well guess who provided us with a link? Kathy!)

Christ, what an #!@^%*$!!&?<>?--JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Why so many characters? Why so little humor?)

"No, honey, I don't mind. I'll just stop off at MidgetMart on the way home."--smuck (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Well at least someone is trying! Dare to be vague.)

"Why am I so cranky and yelling?!? I got the ugliest picture of the ugliest family on the planet, someone stole my chrome name tag off my desk right out of its holder, my pc screen is smaller than most phone screens and to top it off some beast of a monster right out of the "voyage to the bottom of the sea" is growing in my garbage can!...? No, that is not it; my clock is telling me that every hour on the hour I am fucked"!--

Anonymous 

 (JUDGE'S COMMENT:  Admit it: you have been friends with, slept with or worked with someone exactly like this. A long way to go to express profound unhappiness. The clock is not this person's  enemy. You can just hear the person on the other end saying, "Sorry,  I asked. " )

"First, I sketch the cartoon out traditionally with pencil and ink. Then, I carve that out, horizontally flipped, from a block. Then, I make a single print of it. I scan that print in, use that as the basis for carving yet another block, and send that block to China, where low-wage workers make a thousand blocks in the same style. The highest quality one of those is then sent back to me. I sketch it, carve another block, ink that, and print it onto a low-quality paper, which I xerox onto a fine-grade origami square. That is my process, dammit, and it takes &#@()*& time! "--

Dd 

(JUDGE'S COMMENT: --  Actually it takes a keen wit and a pair of brass balls to pursue this line of work. The low-wage workers are those submitting their work when only one out of 25 get the nod. Somehow I doubt this was entered by the artist who uses Dd as his moniker. Nevertheless, this compelled me to look up the cartoonist's 411. Turns out his name is Drew Dernavich and he has a Fine Arts degree from The College of William and Mary.  He loves the Red Sox and has an understanding of cat behavior that boarders on creepy. I wrote him an email inviting him to check out our contest. I await his cease and desist letter.)