New Yorker Anti-Caption Contest #339

WINNERS

FIRST PLACE

"Fucking FAA and their restricted airspace. As if I'll ever save any of their asses."--NJ-to-TX  (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Could be a statement about tea party people and other anti-government types who feel the feds have no business directing air traffic.  Bottom line: Stupid laws supposedly aimed at curbing the number of mid-air collisions have the unintended consequence of preventing superheros from fighting crime. That's something the liberals never talk about.)

SECOND PLACE

Because Nick Cage is a method actor and Nick Cage is on his way to a location shoot.--JohnnyB  (JUDGE'S COMMENT:  The Superman here does look a bit like Cage, a talented and high strung actor who has taken a few very strange roles over the years.  A very preceptive and clever cap that knocks the stuffing out of a Hollywood fat cat.  I'd like to think this means Johnny got his groove back, but I have been disappointed before. )

THIRD PLACE

"Sure, I can fly. But who wants to go all the way to Cleveland without at least one martini? Plus, I hear the baked chicken and au gratin potatoes aren't bad."--Fly Me!  (JUDGE'S COMMENT:   Think of this as a rebuttal to the winning entry. Even if you can fly on your own, it's still more comfortable to take a plane. And if you are going from NYC to D.C., take Amtrak, it's actually quicker and cheaper.  This cap could have simply said "Who wants to go to Cleveland?" but that would be too obvious.)

HONORABLE MENTIONS

"You can blame those cocksuckers at the FAA!"--Steve_O  (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The blame does not lie with mid-level bureaucrats who enjoy giving blow jobs. It's those clueless politicians who do not recognize that the skys belong to those rich enough to own planes [or smoke stacks for that matter.]  Similar to this week's winner but not as specific.)

"We're testing new Air Marshal uniforms. Do you think the hairdo is too much?"---Anonymous Coward  (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Not bad if you get past a few things:  Air marshals don't wear uniforms because that would be unsettling to the passengers. And realistically, if they wore Superman suits they would be laughed at.  Also, no one really says "hairdo," anymore. )

"Don't be offended, but in case of an emergency, I'm going to use you as my personal flotation device!"--Dr Sumguy  (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is truly awful for a few reasons. Superman would not need a flotation device. In fact if the plane where about to crash he could go out the exit door and fly around the world so fast that he could go back in time and switch his flight to one that doesn't crash. That would be a lot less selfish than drowning some poor soul just to save his ass.)

"Look out the window, dude. It's a lake. It's a mountain. It's a bird. It's a plain. It's super, man."-- 

smuck 

(JUDGE'S COMMENT: This works better if you assume the guy is returning from Amsterdam and ate the last of his Space Cakes as he boarded the plane.  The other guy is probably looking around to see if there are any empty seats.)

"And you must be Superman the Jew."--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT:  To which the other guy says, "Ah...I make a living.")

JohnnyB's "Nick Cage..." Game over man. --Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT:  Remarkably this was entered from someone who is not Johnny. Made me think of Bill Paxton's frantic character in "Alien."  Cage should have got that part but he was 15 when it was made.)

"Trust me. The only thing I need secured snugly and low across my hips is a stewardess."-- 

Sam Antic 

(JUDGE'S COMMENT: But first let's have her wiggle her cute little butt on over here with an extra dry martini. This is funny in a 1962 kind of way.)

You might recognize me. I was voted New York's Best Building Maintenance Person in 2011. You know, the Super Super.--boneguy  (JUDGE'S COMMENT: And now, having signed a promo deal with DC Comics, he travels the country in this ridiculous outfit. Makes you wonder if they ever toyed with the idea of changing Superman to Superperson or maybe Above Average Person to make him more accessible to people with self esteem issues.)


"Sadly, the powers here are not keen."--Shelly  (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A cap classic the seems kind of bland until you imagine Superman is traveling to the Fortress of Solitude to reclaim his powers. As such this could be the first frame of a new story.) 

Man and Superman.--Nietzsche  (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The signature tells you all you need to know. Nietzsche [or "Freddy the Philosopher" as he was known to friends] felt good and evil were in constant conflict, rendering all existence a painful and pointless struggle. Turns out he had chronic health issues, which was the real reason he was always in a bad mood. Who knew?)

"Yes, and the airline is owned by my uncle El-Al."--Satireguy  (JUDGE'S COMMENT:  This appears to be a nod to Jor-el, Superman's biological father who saved his infant son Kal-El [aka Superbaby] moments before Krypton went kablooey. Seems they all had weird names except his mom, whose name was Lara. Also, as crossword solvers know, El-Al is the name of the main carrier serving Israel.)  

It's a Union thing.--Don Jr.  (JUDGE'S COMMENT:  Last week's Silver Metal winer has fallen off the leader board but he is still a valued member of the Anti-Cap family. )

"Are you as excited about the post-pedophile era as I am?!"--Tim H  (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This shows that Tim reads my comments [Thanks Pal! Some weeks I think it's just the Mrs. and me.] So, I'd like to use this opportunity to ask what happened to little Kim? She swings by once, gets her ass kicked and stops entering?  She does not seem to have the tough hide  evident in the rest of the H family.)



"I won the ticket. I guessed all of the Dylan songs in the pictograph." --Anonymous 

(JUDGE'S COMMENT:  Guess? It is not something you guess at, my friend. And did you realize the answers are printed in small print at the bottom of the image? [I, of course, did not need them!] Also I saw the pictograph on Huff Post independently of this entry so I'm only kissing your butt a little.)

"Yes. I used to live in Staten Island, but now I live in L.A."--Tim H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: That is by bio but I am only Superman to a 17-month old adorable little girl who is amazed that I can make an owl dance with a star on the screen of my computer and appreciates that I would watch it again and again and again until she falls a sleep in my arms. Once again Tim shows a degree of familiarity with the judge that is both impressive and slightly creepy. )

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