WINNERS
FIRST PLACE
"No, squeeze her from the bottom up, like she's a toothpaste tube!" --NJ-to-TX (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Yes it's crude, nasty and painfully idiotic but it is also somewhat flawed. This assumes that there is some advantage to the technique suggested. It also assumes the octopus can understand English. Even so, it made me chuckle a mild but unmistakable chuckle. Some weeks that's all it takes.)
SECOND PLACE
What the fuck do you expect me to do? --boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Really, what can this poor guy do but scramble for the cel phone camera and get this thing up on YouTube. Diving in to help would be laudable but ultimately futile. This works even better if you see the woman as a symbol for all those who struggle in vain; the tentacle as a metaphor for something evil [any thing you like], and the guy as a total self-absorbed asshole.)
SECOND PLACE
What the fuck do you expect me to do? --boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Really, what can this poor guy do but scramble for the cel phone camera and get this thing up on YouTube. Diving in to help would be laudable but ultimately futile. This works even better if you see the woman as a symbol for all those who struggle in vain; the tentacle as a metaphor for something evil [any thing you like], and the guy as a total self-absorbed asshole.)
THIRD PLACE
"You keep him busy while I get him a refund from the psychiatrist in #326." --Damon (JUDGE'S COMMENT: "You can go for years without an octopus in a New Yorker cartoon then you get two within weeks--what's up with that?!?" That, I'm guessing, is the query that rattled around the head of devoted anti-capper Damon. Like many others, he noticed that they had an octopus on a shrink's couch not too long ago. Unlike everyone else, Damon channeled his bewilderment into an Anti-Caption. For this he gets a well earned Third Place nod. )
"You keep him busy while I get him a refund from the psychiatrist in #326." --Damon (JUDGE'S COMMENT: "You can go for years without an octopus in a New Yorker cartoon then you get two within weeks--what's up with that?!?" That, I'm guessing, is the query that rattled around the head of devoted anti-capper Damon. Like many others, he noticed that they had an octopus on a shrink's couch not too long ago. Unlike everyone else, Damon channeled his bewilderment into an Anti-Caption. For this he gets a well earned Third Place nod. )
HONORABLE MENTIONS
"Maud! ... The car keys! ... THROW the car keys!" --Dr Sumguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: If memory serves the actress who played title role in the Bond film "Octopussy" was named Maud so this may have historical significance. Why she was ever allowed to have the car keys is the real question here. )
"You were right- a wring worth two months salary definitely shows better." --Shelly (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Often the need to spew forth a pun overwhelms the desire make sense. Anti-caps can also be used to vent pent up anger. This suggests that the guy is taunting the woman for demanding expensive jewelry. If her phone rings he can tell the caller "she's a bit squeezed for time right now." He is not marriage material but he is very clever.)
"What war on women?"--Jim Cavanaugh (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Once again this can be seen as topical political commentary if you get the symbolism. Hence: The guy speaking is some Fox News jerk off like Hannity or O'Rielly, the octopus represents oppressive backward policies advanced by idiot scumbags like Rick Santorum, and the woman, of course, is a woman. When she washes up dead, Rush Limbaugh will wonder why she'd go swimming in such revealing attire. "Maybe the slut was asking for it." he'll opine. I think I've made my point.)
"Should I take arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing end them? And what dreams may come when we have shuffled off this mortal coil? When he himself might his quietus make with a bare bodkin?" --Captions by Shakespeare (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Just want to thank who ever posted this for trying to class up the joint. It didn't work but we acknowledge the effort.)
It wasn't right, but all Matt could think about were those breasts landing right in his hands. --Glenn (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Not to be gross but we're left wondering if these body parts will still be attached when he gets a hold of them. And thanks for pointing out that it wasn't right.)
Octopi Wall Street takes a vacation. --Anonymouse (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Twisted but the symbolism is unmistakable: Some get squeezed while others watch helplessly. You don't have a problem with that, do you? )
"Here! Catch my jewels, Verne!" --Sam Antic (JUDGE'S COMMENT: You can just hear her saying this when you look at the image. )
Feels oily, you crazy bastard! How are you coming with the clean-up?--Jim Cavanaugh (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Poking through some old posts on this blog I see Jim's been with us since 2009. Seems longer.)
(Roger Corman's remake of 'Monsters from the Ocean Floor') ... FASTER! BIGGER! LOUDER! more SUCTION! --Dr Sumguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Don't drag Corman down into our snake pit.)
"Mikaaaaa!"
"Aaaaaaal!"--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I wish I could save her from the clutches of that nimrod Joe Scarborough.)"Sylvia! Al's all caught up judging the contests! Where should we go to celebrate?"--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Anyplace where octopus is not a health treat and the captions are better than this one.)
alinla thinking...
"This would never happen on Staten Island's South Beach." --Anonymouse (JUDGE'S COMMENT: How would I know? I don't live there anymore.)
If what I think you mean by all the wild hand waving, then yes, calamari would be great for dinner.
ReplyDelete"Just give 'im some octopussy, Janice! He'll bring you back to shore, guaranteed."
ReplyDelete"Maud! ... The car keys! ... THROW the car keys!"
ReplyDeleteI said, "Can I watch while he eats you?"
ReplyDelete"Maud! ... The Lamaze! ... Use the Lamaze technique!"
ReplyDelete"Maud! ... The 'Lamaze'! ... Use the 'Lamaze technique'!"
ReplyDelete"Tell him you've got a headache!"
ReplyDelete"Jeezus! I know what you're going through—I married her."
ReplyDeleteYou have to make a scene everywhere we go, don't you.
ReplyDeleteNext on "Ripley's Believe It Or Not," Joran van der Sloot talks to police in Aruba.
ReplyDeleteIt wasn't right, but all Matt could think about were those breasts landing right in his hands.
ReplyDelete"Honey, hold on while I get the camera! You're being attacked by a rare Marine Bass Clef!"
ReplyDelete"You keep him busy while I get him a refund from the psychiatrist in #326."
ReplyDeleteCome and get your hat yourself.
ReplyDeleteOctopi Wall Street takes a vacation.
ReplyDelete"Here! Catch my jewels, Verne!"
ReplyDelete"See, Honey, I told you your box smells like fish."
ReplyDelete"Don't swallow, it's ink!"
ReplyDelete"What? Bringing her back already?"
ReplyDelete"You knew when you married me that I couldn't swim."
ReplyDelete"While you're down there, say hello to Leonardo Di Caprio!"
ReplyDelete"Help! It's a unipus!"
ReplyDelete"You're obviously not wearing a high enough SPF."
ReplyDelete"What's that, honey? What's up? Turf's up? Murph's up? Oh, surf's up! Yes! Yes it is! You're right! 'Surf's up!'"
ReplyDeleteDos suction cups, dos suction cups,de on the 'D' cups!
ReplyDelete"First word—how many letters?"
ReplyDelete"I don't understand, there's usually a lifeguard."
ReplyDeleteJim Cavanaugh
"What for are you yelling 'kelp', Rachel"?
ReplyDelete"Mikaaaaa!"
ReplyDelete"Aaaaaaal!"
"Honey, I finally understand what you meant by the 'ocean of difference' between us."
ReplyDeleteI can't take the chance. I'm allergic to seafood.
ReplyDelete(Roger Corman's remake of 'Monsters from the Ocean Floor') ... FASTER! BIGGER! LOUDER! more SUCTION!
ReplyDeletePoem: 'A Day at the Beach' ... The sun on my face the sand in my toes makes any day a delight. Hunting for seashells and surfing the waves makes everything seem alright, except for the clouds which hung ponderously on the horizon like steel-gray, loosely formed gorilla turds!
ReplyDelete"It's always ME ME ME with you! What about MY needs?"
ReplyDelete"You'll never make it on Dancing with the Stars with that routine! Too many lifts!"
ReplyDeleteHey, Sandy, I "sea" you "shore" are "wave"ing hard at me. L O L.
ReplyDeleteYou're right, it sucks.
ReplyDelete"Then you won't mind if I have the last beer eat these two chicken wings? You're a peach."
ReplyDelete"Hey! This is Wife Swap!Where's mine?"
ReplyDeletealinla thinking...
ReplyDelete"This would never happen on Staten Island's South Beach."
"Hold On, Sandra. I'm Gonna Get This... I Think the Third Word Rhymes With Kelp"
ReplyDeleteSticky situations in Texas, where Hook 'em Horns has more power than the middle finger.
ReplyDelete'BOSTON HERALD' Headline the following day! ... 'BOOBIES BOB OVER 'LITTLE TITTIES BANK'!
ReplyDelete"Look, I be much more inclined to help if we still ever had sex."
ReplyDelete"Then you won't mind if I have the last beer and eat these two chicken wings? You're a peach."
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete"Nancy! Where are the car keys?!" Oh yeah, they're in my pocket. "Never mind, honey!"
ReplyDelete"Look! There's the Goodyear blimp! No, Martha, over there!"
ReplyDelete"Alas, these hands will never hold those breasts again."
ReplyDeleteGive the locavore thing a rest, Martha.
ReplyDelete"Adios Alvin ... email me @kamasutra.come!"
ReplyDelete"I'll be with you in ninety minutes. I just ate."
ReplyDelete"I'll be with you in ninety minutes. I just ate my wife."
ReplyDeleteIt's looking like he can't find your clit either.
ReplyDelete"Without my glasses I can barely see the inner tube."
ReplyDelete"You're gonna need a bigger...something!"
ReplyDelete"Hey, don't go all Laocoön on me."
ReplyDelete"Should I take arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing end them? And what dreams may come when we have shuffled off this mortal coil? When he himself might his quietus make
ReplyDeletewith a bare bodkin?"
"Honey, what's the number for 9-1-1?!"
ReplyDelete"Isn't it exciting, honey? The Mets just swept the Marlins!"
ReplyDelete"I'm ready. Let her rip."
ReplyDeleteYou're kidding right? - Cuz I just spent 20 minutes applying sunscreen~!
ReplyDelete"Marco!"
ReplyDelete"I hear he makes an awesome tit and tentacle chowder!"
ReplyDelete"C-monnnn, Heather! You're a survivor!"
ReplyDeleteSea World's newest ride ... 'Foreplay di Mare'!
ReplyDelete"You were right- a wring worth two months salary definitely shows better."
ReplyDelete"Jeez, Sally! First you convince me to come to Asbury Park with you and then I find out that Bruce is touring in LA. And now this!"
ReplyDelete"Honestly, in your case it's more like fatty-dipping. Holy crap, an octopus!"
ReplyDelete"No, squeeze her from the bottom up, like she's a toothpaste tube!"
ReplyDelete"The car keys! Throw me the car keys, Mildred!"
ReplyDelete"Sylvia! Al's all caught up judging the contests! Where should we go to celebrate?"
ReplyDeleteThis is a police sketch documenting Van Der Sloot's latest explanation for the disappearance of Natalie Holloway.
ReplyDelete"that octopus makes your cleavage look downright fuckable, dear."
ReplyDelete"Be a doll and get me a beer while you're up. Thanks!"
ReplyDelete"See? I told you there were no sharks here!"
ReplyDelete"Land ho!"
ReplyDelete"Is there a place, ANYPLACE, we can go where you won't get hit on?"
ReplyDelete"Kick it in the tentacles!"
ReplyDelete"Jesus Christ, Connie. I think you just woke up a coma patient in North Dakota."
ReplyDelete"What war on women?"
ReplyDeleteJim Cavanaugh
"I'll miss you! And, uh, are you okay with me dating your sister?"
ReplyDelete"Keep pointing out his faults till he goes limp!"
ReplyDeleteIt was nice visiting your blog. There are some interesting and useful things have been shared her
ReplyDelete"Jeez, Sally! First you convince me to come to Asbury Park with you and then I find out that Bruce is touring in LA. And now this !"
ReplyDelete