The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #323

NOTE: It's a good bet that few of you experience the majesty of peacocks aimlessly roaming the streets. As it happens, Mrs. alinla and I live only a stone's throw from the Los Angeles Arboretum & Botanic Garden. Years ago peacocks brought into the place fled into the surrounding neighborhood. They were cute so the locals fed them. This being California no one challenged their resident status, so they thrived.
Now, if you drive around these parts [can't walk, not allowed], you see dozens of these huge birds lounging on lawns or bopping along nerviously on spindly legs. They have tiny heads, beady eyes and pointy little beaks. There's a flourish of tiny feathers atop their head that looks like an old lady's Sunday hat. Like many of the natives they are highly territorial, easily confused and react with aggression when frightened.
It adds a picturesque quality to the area, but many home owners say peacocks suck. Aside from their hideous ear splitting squawk, they cluelessly lumber across busy streets stopping traffic [if they're lucky]. Worst of all, if history has taught us anything: the bigger the bird, the bigger the bird shit. Parked cars nearby look like someone bombarded them with spoonfuls of oatmeal. Streets are similarly pot marketed with a chalky white blobs. [There are no sidewalks, because, really, no one walks]. I have included a photo taken by Mrs. alinla as we drove around one day recently. We were hoping to see his feathers fanned out like the NBC icon we grew up with, but after a few minutes we drove off. Just wanted to show that I know something about the subject of this lame-ass cartoon.

WINNERS 

FIRST PLACE
"Sqwauck!" * Bird talk for "My brain is too small to develop a vocabulary." (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Cartoons with talking animals are a well established staple of NYer cartoons--and a fitting reminder of the self importance that shapes the magazine's personality. They assume the entire animal kingdom is as cynical and duplicitous as we humans. This cap reminds us that peacocks have the deductive reasoning skills to realize they are not that smart. More than funny, it's slightly snotty.) 

SECOND PLACE
Like my Mother always said, "Pride goeth before the fowl...!"
Blonde (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This wins the obvious pun award but the peacock's display of plumage is in the service of getting laid--so it's not about pride. It is also based on a quote from the Beatles song "I'm a loser": "And so it's true, pride comes before a fall...I'm telling you so that you won't lose all."  So this really works here.)

THIRD PLACE
(Whispering) "More like a 'pea-dick' if you ask me." --NAMBY (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This works on a few levels. Males with petite genitalia often over compensate. Also many people don't understand that only males are peacocks. Females are peahens and offspring are peachicks. [If a car runs one over it becomes pea soup.] If it makes crappy music it becomes Pea-Diddy] ) 

HONORABLE MENTION
“Well, he wouldn't have gotten away with that in my day . . . of course, the times they are a’changin . . . as evidenced by the fact that a Dylan reference will not even get you an Honorable Mention anymore.” --Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: But some times it will. Don't criticize what you can't understand.)

"...so, I sez to Mabel, I sez..." --Anonymouse (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The two peachicks see this all the time. Nothing new here. Very authentic.)

For bird that wasn't drafted, his plumage is Lin-credible. --boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A reference to flavor-of-the-month, Jeremy Lin. As a Knick he will watch the NBA playoffs as I do--on TV. )

"That guy is Lin-sane! Hey, I'm nothing if not topical." --Anonymouse (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Lin was soooooo three weeks ago [when this cap was entered, I admit] Looks like you are back to being nothing. )

"Seeing him in the New Yorker just makes me think of the little girl in the red dress in Schindler's List." --Glenn (JUDGE'S COMMENT: (This calls attention to the NYer's puzzling use of color in only one element of the image. The cap writer is not saying that peacocks remind him of Nazi death camps.)

"I'd be getting laid constantly if my ass did that." --Damon (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Here in L.A., how much your ass makes, where it lives and what it drives are what determines the level and quality of your recreational sex.) 

"I pluck you long time. Then fly on glill." --Li Po (C from B) (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Berry nice.)

"Everyone knows your plumage is a clip-on." --smuck (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A reminder that accomplishment invites contempt. It's also a nod to the classic anti-cap: "Shut up, Bob, everyone knows your parrot's a clip-on" so it should have included a "shut up, Bob" at the beginning. Let's not bastardize our heritage, such as it is. )

Ever since he got that gig with NBC there's no talking to him-! --Blonde (JUDGE'S COMMENT: You mean the gig he has had for the last several decades? Not exactly side-splitting hilarity but peacock is to NBC what pea-brain is to Fox. )

"I think it's kinda sad how he keeps standing there, waiting to be judged. Should we just say `Honorable Mention' so he can move on?" --Damon (JUDGE'S COMMENT: We can all agree that the desperate need for even meaningless validation is a sad commentary on our time. This is why honorable mentions are scattered here like manure in a garden.) 

Judge already --Miss Tampax, Uptight & outasight. (JUDGE'S COMMENT: See previous comment.)