Monday, December 12, 2011

The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #315














WINNERS
FIRST PLACE"This latest incident has left a damaged and frightened Virginia Tech wondering, 'Why us?' Back to you, Bob."-- smuck (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Cold hearted yet slightly topical. After the first round of carnnage, the Yankees traveled to the shaken school to play an exhibition game. Predictably they kicked the shit out of the VT team but still managed to make them feel good about themselves. A medaphor for the Anti-Cap I believe.)
SECOND PLACE"I see Gitmo in his future, as in gitmo' pussy than he knows what to do with. You rock, Green Giant!" --Also Grandma (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Crude but there may be political commentary here. Still, if he doesn't know what to do with it, what's the point?)
THIRD PLACE"I bet it turns his tongue bright red." --Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: And if he is eating a Chinese guy he'll be hungry again in a half hour. This stuff writes itself.)
HONORABLE MENTIONS"First it's the Jets, now the Giants. I hate this fucking city."--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: If only the Knicks had the sense to sign this guy you'd have something to cheer about. Any one notice how the Rangers thumped the Flyers in the NHL's Winter Classic? Nice.)

Ho! HO! Ho- my ass !! Looks like he's carb loading again!! --Blonde (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Since this was entered around Christmas you gotta like the holiday theme.)
Is he from UC or Xavier? I can't tell the players without a uniform--JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This makes no sence but I think we have to let Johnny be Johnny or he'll ditch us again.)"Don't worry. JohnnyB is back. He'll know what to do." --Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: As if. Still I include this because I may be the only fan Johnny has here.)
Yeah, maybe he can play in Florida, but this is the big time now and I just don't think he has the intangibles to be a starter at this level. --Austin (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A knock against Tim Tebow. I only hate him because I hate the Denver Broncos.)
"Just one crossbeam falling into the shape of a cross, and the religious nuts will be quite happy about this." --Glenn (JUDGE'S COMMENT: They won't be happy, Just validated.)
“Alas, my love, you do me wrong,To cast me off discourteously.For I have loved you well and long,Delighting in your company.Greenjeans was all my joyGreenjeans was my delight,Greenjeans was my heart of gold,And who but my Mr. Greenjeans.” ---Henry VIII (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A lot of thought went into this. Reminds me of that old Neil Young song: "Homegrown's alright with me...")
"Green Giant outbit Evrolet." --Glenn (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Evrolet woman never bite anyone, Glenn. The only thing you are demonstrating is your slaveish devotion to this contest. Nuff said.)
"Angry? Of course, he's angry. alinla just posted the winners of Contest #314. You'd be angry, too . . . he wasn't referenced once."---Green with Envy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The signature tells us all we need to know.)
Merry Christmas, mr. and mrs. al.--Jim Cavanaugh (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Thanks Jim. For the first time in three years we bought a tree. And for the first timne in my life I bought a gift for my granddaughter. God bless us everyone [especially you, Jim].)
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109 comments:

  1. SarcoughagusDecember 12, 2011 at 7:22 PM

    "Oh great, another episode of Veggie Tales."

    ReplyDelete
  2. Rich LatherDecember 12, 2011 at 7:35 PM

    "I knew Little Green Sprout was going to grow up to be a dick."

    ReplyDelete
  3. DamonDecember 12, 2011 at 7:39 PM

    "Michelle Obama's healthy eating campaign? Epic fail."

    ReplyDelete
  4. Colander PowellDecember 12, 2011 at 7:41 PM

    "Look Honey, it's a broccoli eating a Bush."

    ReplyDelete
  5. DexDecember 12, 2011 at 7:42 PM

    "I can see your niblets."

    ReplyDelete
  6. BlondeDecember 12, 2011 at 7:47 PM

    Better cover your tender vegetation Mother 'cuz he's our boy 's not lookin too "holly jolly" today!!

    ReplyDelete
  7. DamonDecember 12, 2011 at 8:13 PM

    "First gators, now this guy. I'm sick of foreigners getting all of The New Yorker's green jobs."

    ReplyDelete
  8. Dr SumguyDecember 12, 2011 at 8:36 PM

    "It's not the eating, it's the shitting that bothers me!"

    ReplyDelete
  9. Dr SumguyDecember 12, 2011 at 9:01 PM

    "Look's like the end for JGG. He's eating Carl Icahn!"

    ReplyDelete
  10. boneguyDecember 12, 2011 at 9:22 PM

    It was Simpson's idea to test our new ad campaign for fire roasted vegetables using the local nursing home.

    ReplyDelete
  11. boneguyDecember 12, 2011 at 9:25 PM

    Looks like the Hulk's commitment to vegetariansism is wavering.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Dr SumguyDecember 12, 2011 at 9:32 PM

    "This could be the end, sobbed Baron Von Recklinghausen, cradling (a verb) his scrotum, which was gently swaying to the Andrew Sisters version of "Under Here", and pausing only occasionally to scratch his itching left armpit while his sapphire painted hammer toe nails, brimming with Caciocavallo Podolico Cheese, rotated slowly toward the gibbous moon that hung in the brooding sky like a tobacco-stained nail paring."

    ReplyDelete
  13. smuckDecember 12, 2011 at 9:49 PM

    "This latest incident has left a damaged and frightened Virginia Tech wondering, 'Why us?' Back to you, Bob."

    ReplyDelete
  14. Dr SumguyDecember 12, 2011 at 9:57 PM

    "They say his stools are also green --- and BIG!"

    ReplyDelete
  15. BlondeDecember 12, 2011 at 10:02 PM

    Hmmmmm- doesn't look so damn jolly today- Musta been something he ate!!!

    ReplyDelete
  16. boneguyDecember 12, 2011 at 10:46 PM

    I've got a message from his urologist reminding him to have his peas tested.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Dr SumguyDecember 12, 2011 at 11:37 PM

    "He's pissed because he got canned!"

    ReplyDelete
  18. Quinn the EskimoDecember 13, 2011 at 1:24 AM

    "Soylent Green is people."

    ReplyDelete
  19. International HarvesterDecember 13, 2011 at 1:53 AM

    "Make that two latttes and a cup of herbicide."

    ReplyDelete
  20. NJ-to-TXDecember 13, 2011 at 4:17 AM

    "Green Giant outbit Evrolet."

    ReplyDelete
  21. JohnnyBDecember 13, 2011 at 5:16 AM

    Is he from UC or Xavier? I can't tell the players without a uniform.

    ReplyDelete
  22. boneguyDecember 13, 2011 at 6:46 AM

    I think we've found our sperm donor.

    ReplyDelete
  23. boneguyDecember 13, 2011 at 6:51 AM

    Hey dude, contact your physician if you stay enraged for more than four hours.

    ReplyDelete
  24. AustinDecember 13, 2011 at 6:51 AM

    Man, that thing does not like Duane.

    ReplyDelete
  25. AustinDecember 13, 2011 at 6:55 AM

    It's not one-horned, flying or purple at all! This is just so not how I envisioned it.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Dr SumguyDecember 13, 2011 at 7:24 AM

    "Honey, when he starts eating you, can I watch?"

    ReplyDelete
  27. NJ-to-TXDecember 13, 2011 at 7:25 AM

    "Too soon after 9-11, too soon."

    ReplyDelete
  28. Evil MarkDecember 13, 2011 at 7:48 AM

    I'm not worried. He seems to be singling out the Pakistanis, Indians and Thais. They should pass right through...

    ReplyDelete
  29. DomDecember 13, 2011 at 8:33 AM

    "Honey, I can see nipple."

    ReplyDelete
  30. JohnnyBDecember 13, 2011 at 8:37 AM

    Just our luck, all the superheroes were in the bar when he stomped it.

    ReplyDelete
  31. smuckDecember 13, 2011 at 8:49 AM

    "I blame Obama."

    ReplyDelete
  32. AnonymouseDecember 13, 2011 at 9:19 AM

    "Damn! Where's my camera?"

    ReplyDelete
  33. Tim HDecember 13, 2011 at 9:20 AM

    "What scares me the most is not him, but that everything else is in black and white. I mean, WTF!"

    ReplyDelete
  34. Kathy HDecember 13, 2011 at 9:22 AM

    "Apparently, The New Yorker has an end-of-the-year surplus of green ink."

    ReplyDelete
  35. boneguyDecember 13, 2011 at 9:30 AM

    I just got this text from my friend at Moody's: "I'm downgrading the frozen vegetable sector..what could be the harm?"

    ReplyDelete
  36. Dr SumguyDecember 13, 2011 at 10:12 AM

    "Urban Renewal!"

    ReplyDelete
  37. AnonymousDecember 13, 2011 at 11:00 AM

    "It's OK. He's green. He's a movement."


    ---blw

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  38. AnonymousDecember 13, 2011 at 11:05 AM

    "Looks like your corporate big boys are overreacting a bit to the OWS movement, wouldn't you say?"


    ---blw

    ReplyDelete
  39. AnonymousDecember 13, 2011 at 11:55 AM

    "Don't worry. JohnnyB is back. He'll know what to do."

    ReplyDelete
  40. JohnnyBDecember 13, 2011 at 12:06 PM

    I say Rocker is STILL on the 'roids. Whadda you think?

    ReplyDelete
  41. AnonymousDecember 13, 2011 at 2:08 PM

    When will dinner be ready?

    Jim Cavanaugh

    ReplyDelete
  42. AnonymousDecember 13, 2011 at 2:58 PM

    "I'm afraid this is about as green as The New Yorker is ever gonna' get."


    ---left coast wayne

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  43. AnonymousDecember 13, 2011 at 3:15 PM

    “Oh, he was fine for awhile at corporate headquarters in Le Sueur, Minnesota, but then he got the notion that the grass was greener here in Manhattan . . . not only the grass, apparently.”


    ---left coast wayne

    ReplyDelete
  44. AnonymousDecember 13, 2011 at 3:15 PM

    “And where are all the Super Heroes when you need ‘em??? Probably drunk in some bar.”


    ---blw

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  45. AnonymousDecember 13, 2011 at 3:16 PM

    “It won’t be airplanes . . . apparently it will be envy that kills the Beast.”


    ---Carl Denham

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  46. AWDecember 13, 2011 at 7:09 PM

    "Boy, he's steamed."

    ReplyDelete
  47. LRDecember 13, 2011 at 10:12 PM

    "He treats people like chervil or gerbils- either way, you're doing time in his poopenshaft."

    ReplyDelete
  48. AnonymousDecember 13, 2011 at 10:17 PM

    "I bet it turns his tongue bright red."

    ReplyDelete
  49. AnonymousDecember 14, 2011 at 12:25 AM

    Call Nipsey Russell and tell him I got him booked as this guy's Q-tip.

    ReplyDelete
  50. Tim HDecember 14, 2011 at 6:43 AM

    "He's mad because he faces a 50-game suspension for taking steroids."

    ReplyDelete
  51. AnonymouseDecember 14, 2011 at 9:24 AM

    "Apparently, he still has issues with his parents, the Jolly Blue Giant and the Jolly Yellow Giant."

    ReplyDelete
  52. Kathy HDecember 14, 2011 at 9:30 AM

    "Don't you find it ironic that his right foot just obliterated the Jimmy Choo store?"

    ReplyDelete
  53. JohnnyBDecember 14, 2011 at 9:48 AM

    I understand the Kool-Aid man is rampaging down in Harlem.

    ReplyDelete
  54. SatireguyDecember 14, 2011 at 7:30 PM

    "It looks like the fundamentalist vegetarians have won."

    ReplyDelete
  55. AnonymousDecember 14, 2011 at 11:38 PM

    "Oh, yeah, he's awesome in the paint, but I hear he dogs it on defense."


    ---left coast wayne

    ReplyDelete
  56. NJ-to-TXDecember 15, 2011 at 4:53 AM

    "He didn't start the fires. They would have had to have been detonated from inside the buildings."

    ReplyDelete
  57. Dr SumguyDecember 15, 2011 at 7:36 AM

    "They say from outer space, he looks like Pac-Man, kicking and slingshotting around Manhatten Zip Codes!"

    ReplyDelete
  58. SatireguyDecember 15, 2011 at 8:47 AM

    "Apparently the company decided to go with a red giant this year."

    ReplyDelete
  59. GrandmaDecember 15, 2011 at 11:24 AM

    "He's got no deeck!"

    ReplyDelete
  60. Tim HDecember 15, 2011 at 1:18 PM

    "All I'm saying is that it takes a big man to carry an Anti-Caption Contest for two full weeks."

    ReplyDelete
  61. SatireguyDecember 15, 2011 at 2:01 PM

    Ho! Ho! Ho! Green Apocalypse.

    ReplyDelete
  62. AustinDecember 15, 2011 at 2:05 PM

    Yeah, maybe he can play in Florida, but this is the big time now and I just don't think he has the intangibles to be a starter at this level.

    ReplyDelete
  63. AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 7:06 PM

    "My whole world view is going to be turned upside down if he doesn't turn out to be Muslim.

    Jim Cavanaugh

    ReplyDelete
  64. AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 8:06 PM

    "He's got good taste in men."

    ReplyDelete
  65. AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 8:07 PM

    “You know, you never forget your first time . . . and, I’m sorry, but he’s no Lou Ferrigno.”


    ---blw

    ReplyDelete
  66. AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 8:07 PM

    “Growing up, my family was always partial to Birdseye Frozen Vegetables . . . so, you can see, this little tableau is of little meaning to me."


    ---left coast wayne

    ReplyDelete
  67. DamonDecember 15, 2011 at 8:25 PM

    "`Don't Stop Believin' by Journey. It's hard to hear because the microphone keeps screaming for help."

    ReplyDelete
  68. Dr SumguyDecember 16, 2011 at 12:05 PM

    "Honey Look! He just vomited a rabbi! He's both bulimic and rabbinic!"

    ReplyDelete
  69. Kathy HDecember 16, 2011 at 12:13 PM

    "At this point, I might start singing Greensleeves, but he ain't got none."

    ReplyDelete
  70. Steve_ODecember 16, 2011 at 1:23 PM

    "They found Lil' Sprout with pea-brain all bashed in."

    ReplyDelete
  71. Steve_ODecember 16, 2011 at 1:28 PM

    "Another tragedy caused by Michelle Obama's Healty Eating campaign."

    ReplyDelete
  72. DamonDecember 16, 2011 at 2:36 PM

    "Don't worry - the tornadoes will get him."

    ReplyDelete
  73. NJ-to-TXDecember 16, 2011 at 6:04 PM

    "He thinks that guy is a microphone. Good voice, don't you think?"

    ReplyDelete
  74. AnonymousDecember 18, 2011 at 6:42 AM

    "When I need fertilizer, I go to the sperm bank."

    ReplyDelete
  75. Quinn the EskimoDecember 18, 2011 at 4:35 PM

    "Whatever happened to the Purple People Eater?"

    ReplyDelete
  76. AnonymousDecember 18, 2011 at 5:56 PM

    “It won’t be airplanes . . . apparently it will be indigestion that kills the Beast.”

    --Carl Denham, Jr.

    ReplyDelete
  77. JohnnyBDecember 18, 2011 at 5:59 PM

    Nuclear accident in Brussels is what I heard.

    ReplyDelete
  78. AnonymousDecember 18, 2011 at 7:47 PM

    "It's not exactly the bird's eye view you'd expect."

    ReplyDelete
  79. AnonymousDecember 18, 2011 at 7:57 PM

    "Nipple slip."

    ReplyDelete
  80. AnonymousDecember 18, 2011 at 8:40 PM

    "That reminds me—do you have any Jolly Ranchers?"

    ReplyDelete
  81. AnonymouseDecember 19, 2011 at 6:52 AM

    "He's green?! Damn, I knew I was color-blind!"

    ReplyDelete
  82. Steve_ODecember 20, 2011 at 6:17 AM

    "...and that's why we don't allow colored people."

    ReplyDelete
  83. AnonymousDecember 20, 2011 at 6:34 AM

    Him: "According to Wikileaks, this is how pea soup is made."

    Her: "Don't you mean Wikileeks?"

    ReplyDelete
  84. AnonymousDecember 21, 2011 at 7:01 AM

    "He looks a little green under the collards."

    ReplyDelete
  85. NJ-to-TXDecember 21, 2011 at 12:54 PM

    "Just one crossbeam falling into the shape of a cross, and the religious nuts will be quite happy about this."

    ReplyDelete
  86. AnonymousDecember 21, 2011 at 6:48 PM

    "Oh, he's good all right. But if Simon were still around, he would trash him. Kind of pitchy."


    ---left coast wayne

    ReplyDelete
  87. AnonymousDecember 21, 2011 at 6:57 PM

    “You’ll have to admit---Kim Jong Un is filling the void rather dramatically.”


    ---blw

    ReplyDelete
  88. AnonymousDecember 21, 2011 at 6:58 PM

    “Sure, Newt et al . . . blame Obama for this one, too . . . well, they have a point, I guess . . . the big boy is eating only the 1%.”


    ---left coast wayne

    ReplyDelete
  89. We won't get fooled againDecember 21, 2011 at 9:44 PM

    "There isn't a giant alive today who isn't ready for the old slingshot attack."

    ReplyDelete
  90. NAMBYDecember 21, 2011 at 10:44 PM

    ...Fly ball. Deep to left. GONE! Another one eaten alive by the Green Monster!

    ReplyDelete
  91. boneguyDecember 21, 2011 at 11:10 PM

    Thank God we're architects.

    ReplyDelete
  92. AnonymousDecember 21, 2011 at 11:29 PM

    "Angry? Of course, he's angry. alinla just posted the winners of Contest #314. You'd be angry, too . . . he wasn't referenced once."


    ---Green with Envy

    ReplyDelete
  93. smuckDecember 22, 2011 at 1:41 AM

    "When you said your father was a vegetable, I pictured more drool and coma."

    ReplyDelete
  94. NJ-to-TXDecember 22, 2011 at 5:02 AM

    "That settles it. I'm not voting for Bloomberg."

    ReplyDelete
  95. Broccolini ScallopiniDecember 22, 2011 at 10:55 AM

    "Surprisingly, our State Farm policy doesn't cover Acts of Vegetables."

    ReplyDelete
  96. AnonymousDecember 22, 2011 at 3:21 PM

    "I get it; Jolly Old Saint Nip."

    Jim Cavanaugh

    ReplyDelete
  97. AnonymousDecember 22, 2011 at 8:16 PM

    "It's about time the garbage got picked up around here."

    ReplyDelete
  98. AnonymousDecember 22, 2011 at 9:00 PM

    "Well, on the bright side construction should pick up a bit when he's done."


    ---left coast wayne

    ReplyDelete
  99. Dr SumguyDecember 22, 2011 at 10:56 PM

    "Well, there goes the 4 Basic Food Groups!"

    ReplyDelete
  100. Dr SumguyDecember 22, 2011 at 11:06 PM

    "He's been like this, ever since Chick Pea left their pad ... ahh pod!"

    ReplyDelete
  101. AnonymousDecember 23, 2011 at 4:18 AM

    "I always knew it was a food pyramid scheme."

    ReplyDelete
  102. Dr SumguyDecember 23, 2011 at 2:21 PM

    " He's the Hairy Bikers' replacement for Meals on Wheels!"

    ReplyDelete
  103. AnonymousDecember 23, 2011 at 2:39 PM

    "The ass always looks greener on the underside of the tunic."

    Jon

    ReplyDelete
  104. AnonymousDecember 23, 2011 at 10:49 PM

    “Alas, my love, you do me wrong,
    To cast me off discourteously.
    For I have loved you well and long,
    Delighting in your company.

    Greenjeans was all my joy
    Greenjeans was my delight,
    Greenjeans was my heart of gold,
    And who but my Mr. Greenjeans.”

    ---Henry VIII

    ReplyDelete
  105. NJ-to-TXDecember 24, 2011 at 9:12 AM

    "You had that same look just before you had explosive diarrhea in the kitchen that day."

    ReplyDelete
  106. AnonymousDecember 24, 2011 at 8:31 PM

    Merry Christmas, mr. and mrs. al.

    Jim Cavanaugh

    ReplyDelete
  107. NJ-to-TXJanuary 2, 2012 at 4:47 AM

    "His mother was the Evrolet woman."

    ReplyDelete
  108. AnonymousJanuary 5, 2012 at 7:31 PM

    "That poor guy shouldn't be all that concerned . . . soon he'll be riding a bicycle in heaven."


    ---left coast wayne

    ReplyDelete
  109. CindyMay 21, 2013 at 8:22 PM

    Lumps in the Groin and Scrotum. Click www.gofastek.com for more information.

    Cindy
    www.gofastek.com

    ReplyDelete