WINNERSFIRST PLACE"Elephants are just so cliché, you stupid idiom." --Sarah (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Seems a long way to go to make a point. Slightly highbrow yet dumb and confusing. We wonder why she is so angry and why she went to so much effort to make a point. Truth is, the expression "Hippopotamus in the room" never caught on."SECOND PLACE[Hippo, thinking...]"How the hell did these people get in my house?!" --Anonymouse (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This may be a metaphor for the destruction of natural preserves--otherwise it sucks. Hippos seldom have furniture suitable for humans. )
THIRD PLACE"Does my ass STILL look big?"---Shelly (JUDGE'S COMMENT: It does, but not AS big. This reminds us that body image is all relative. )
HONORABLE MENTIONS
"According to Adopt a Pet, she's a gay vageterian!" --Dr Sumguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Not to be a hippo-crite but tell us which happens first, Doc, she eats a sausage sandwich or you win a spelling bee? )
Honestly Malcolm, I preferred it when you cross dressed. --boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: You're allowed to have more than one fetish--that's in the constitution someplace.)
“I don’t know what’s wrong with him, honey. He’s been so unresponsive ever since Contest #309.”---blw (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Maybe he is busy. Even a big fat hippo can be busy, you know!)
al's father must have died again...... --Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: He didn't die. He left. That's the best way I can explain it. Never mistake motion for progress. )
Honestly Malcolm, I preferred it when you cross dressed. --boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: You're allowed to have more than one fetish--that's in the constitution someplace.)
“I don’t know what’s wrong with him, honey. He’s been so unresponsive ever since Contest #309.”---blw (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Maybe he is busy. Even a big fat hippo can be busy, you know!)
al's father must have died again...... --Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: He didn't die. He left. That's the best way I can explain it. Never mistake motion for progress. )
"Who invited your mom over?"
ReplyDelete"Hip ottoman, Honey!"
ReplyDelete"Does my ass STILL look big?"
ReplyDelete"Those corn plants he devoured were full of roughage- keep watch back there for what happens next..."
"Why the long face, Fido?"
ReplyDelete---blw
"You tend the crops. I'll take Monogamous for a walk. Where's the harness?
ReplyDelete"Able to drink your beer, but no mouth to address the other pachyderm in the room."
ReplyDelete"Alls I'm saying is that that ain't no hippie and this ain't no Haight-Ashbury."
ReplyDelete"Stop waiting for it to fall and just pull it out of there, Harold. It can't use toilet paper."
ReplyDelete"Because I like hippos."
ReplyDelete"He's taken the Hippocraitic Oath. He won't pass gas on yom kippur!"
ReplyDelete"He's taken the Hippocraitic Oath. He won't pass gas on yom kippur!"
ReplyDeleteThey ran out of elephants!!!
ReplyDelete"No, I was talking about the rhinoceros in the room. And how the hell are we supposed to sell that one's horn when he doesn't even have... oh, that horn.
ReplyDeleteAlthough the elephant in the room had finally been addressed, Ed and Joyce now had a new problem.
ReplyDeleteSo THIS is your alternative to the ban on elephant footstools?
ReplyDelete"Y'know, for a hippopotamus, he's a pretty handsome fella."
ReplyDelete"Smart money says that we should rent out his sides for ad space."
ReplyDelete"Y'know, that Jada Pinkett Smith has really let herself go."
ReplyDelete"OK- I'll walk him, if you paper train him -"
ReplyDelete"OK, we can keep him but ONLY if he sleeps on your side of the bed."
ReplyDelete"Told ya that owning a pet was a huge responsibility."
ReplyDelete"Don't go back to Zanesville,
ReplyDeleteDon't go back to Zanesville,
Don't go back to Zanesville,
and waste another year."
"I like it when we watch Oprah together."
ReplyDeleteHonestly Malcolm, I preferred it when you cross dressed.
ReplyDelete"Oh, yeah, you're all about Pet Rescue until we actually get one. You're such a hippocrit."
ReplyDelete---blw
"I'm a hippo. I ate this couple's Mercedes, then left a trail of metallic diarrhea from the kitchen to the living room. And, if they named their own insurance price, they might not be protected from mayhem - like me."
ReplyDelete"...and I think that the funniest thing Bil Keane ever did was get reincarnated as a hippo."
ReplyDelete"Your bad hearing always gets us in trouble, Howard. It was a song, on the radio. I didn't want a hippopotamus for Christmas."
ReplyDelete"You and your annoying 'blah-blah-blah' divorce bullshit. Eat me! Haven't you noticed that the Dilithium-Crystal Douche just beamed a hippo into our living room."
ReplyDelete"You'd remember how she got here if your hippocampus hadn't been removed."
ReplyDelete"Hippducken sounds great for Thanksgiving, Dear."
ReplyDeleteCome sit over here, Doris. It's aMAZing what she can do with her va-jay-jay!
ReplyDelete"You've got that Jerry Sandusky look on your face. Start the shower, and I'm out of here."
ReplyDelete"You already new I had Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia, Bartholomew."
ReplyDelete[Hippo, thinking...]
ReplyDelete"How the hell did these people get in my house?!"
Humphrey the Hippo moments before the attack...
ReplyDelete"I told you not to buy off the Internet but, no, you wouldn't listen."
ReplyDelete"I don't always eat people. But, when I do, I prefer dos waspys."
ReplyDelete"Damn that pooper-scooper law!"
ReplyDeleteDon't tell me you traded in our perfectly good 1997 Water Buffalo?
ReplyDeleteWhat's for dinner? I'm hungry hungry.
ReplyDeleteJim Cavanaugh
"It fucks up the feng shui."
ReplyDeleteJim Cavanaugh
"Christ, what an ungulate!"
ReplyDeleteFred wanted a big-screen TV and Enid wanted a new coffee table so they compromised.
ReplyDelete...but, if we cook the stuffing outside the hippo, it should take a lot less time, right?"
ReplyDeleteOK I admit it, watching Animal Plant on your new holographic TV is kinda cool.
ReplyDelete"TANK! Sit! Rollover! Play alive!"
ReplyDelete"He was advertised as a pygmy by Andy's Pet Store. What hippocrites!"
ReplyDelete"Oh-oh. He left a little Dd over there in the corner, honey. It's your turn to clean it up."
ReplyDelete---blw
Jim Hensen, Jim Hensen's last creation, and Jim Hensen's taxidermist.
ReplyDelete"Tim Gunn says that 'hippo' is the new 'black' this season."
ReplyDelete""He says he's part of the Occupy Your Living Room movement."
ReplyDelete"Wer'e going to need a larger apartment, although Kirstie Alley has shown an adoptive interest!"
ReplyDelete"Of course I know what that is! By 'elephant in the room' I meant your struggle with impotence."
ReplyDelete"Stop whining, Janice. The couch is just the right size for him. We'll buy you a new chair tomorrow."
ReplyDeleteal's father must have died again......
ReplyDelete"This is really going to put a dent in our weekly mahjong game!"
ReplyDelete"Wednesday is hump day, honey."
ReplyDelete"It took billions of years to create, a minute or two to draw, and a week of mindless contemplation in order to win an accolade. That's how far we've come, Henry -- we now put captions on cave art."
ReplyDeleteif Timothy leary and a fired radio DJ shared a Prop 215 prescription would that be a hippo(singular for hippie)
ReplyDeletepot
Imus?
ps has anyone heard from Dom Estever?
I really miss cable!
ReplyDelete"His 'blood sweat' is bringing me to tears."
ReplyDelete"I'm afraid he's here to stay. He's terrified to take the subway anymore with those damn 'gators every time you turn around . . . and, pleeeze, don't even ask about the roller coaster."
ReplyDelete---left coast wayne
“I don’t know what’s wrong with him, honey. He’s been so unresponsive ever since Contest #309.”
ReplyDelete---blw
"They needed a mascot for Occupy Wallow Street."
ReplyDelete"Coffee tables keep him up at night."
ReplyDelete"al, at disneyland, let's party!" Woohoo
ReplyDelete“OK, you rescued him from a Hippo Mill . . . now what do we do with him?”
ReplyDelete---blw
"Don't judge me!"
ReplyDelete"My farts don't seem quite as bad now, do they?"
ReplyDelete"Gadzooks! It's swallowed Johnny B! Open its mouth and tell me if you see anything; his anti-caps are spewing out on this end."
ReplyDelete“Now is when I wish I had one of thos ubiquitous lifeguards from the earlier cartoons.”
ReplyDelete---blw
The elephant in the room had been laid off in the economic downturn and replaced by an underqualified temp.
ReplyDelete"Who farted?"
ReplyDelete"Honey, I think the lease is up on our hippo."
ReplyDelete