Monday, November 7, 2011

The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #310


WINNERS
FIRST PLACE"Why not Bil Keane?" --Carol Lou Ellen (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Long time anti-cappers will get this one. The creator of the highly durable corn-ball cartoon, Family Circus, died on Nov. 8 at age 89. His link to this contest: When a well liked person passed on, the founder of the Anti-Cap, Daniel Radosh, would often blog: "Why not Bil Keane?" It was an ironic and slightly sinister expression of frustration. [Like wondering why, say, Paul Wellstone dies in a plane crash while Dick Cheney survives five heart attacks.] It was a comment on Keane's bland, trite and almost-never-funny cartoon. Radosh wondered why someone of such limited perspective could endure for decades while far more edgy and creative types are swept away. As it happens Mr. Kearne is gone--may he rest in peace--but his awful little cartoon continues in newspapers across America. It is now penned by his son Jeffy. Finally a touch of irony.)
SECOND PLACE"My German's a little rusty, but they're offering some sort of vacation. A free train ride to go camping. To help with your concentration I think. It's in the scenic Dachau region of Germany." --smuck (JUDGE'S COMMENT: It's actually more of a working vacation. A bit long winded but edgy and obnoxious.)
THIRD PLACE"Occupy Czechoslovakia." --Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Topical and historically significant. It is also a country I could never spell, so I was glad to see it go.)
HONORABLE MENTIONS""I said cartoon, not platoon!"-- Dr Sumguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: And we asked for humorous, not obvious.)

"He's on the furniture again. Down!" --Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: An invading army is not nearly as troublesome as an untrained dog. That's what this tells us.)
"If you're looking for Anne, she's behind the bookcase."
"Chronicles 29:11-13 - Now, our Lord, we give you tanks."
"Oh, don't worry, dear. They're only looking for Jews." --Glenn (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Glenn is one of the best Anti Cappers we have left--and he's even comfortable with a dumb pun. These three entries show why.)
"`The internet is an anonymous playground', you said. `Nobody will care about one guy looking at infant porn', you said..." ---Damon (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This suggests that he was comfortable telling his wife. That part I don't buy.)
There's a battle outside and it is ragin'.It'll soon shake your windows and rattle your walls.For the times they are a-changin'. --butt kisser (JUDGE'S COMMENT: And let's not forget that the present now will later be past. That is one concept that gives me comfort these days.)
"This is the end," Alifalfa sobbed, clutching her heaving bosom & pausing only occasionally to scratch her itching left armpit while her sapphire eye, brimming with salty tears, turned helplessly towards the gibbous moon that hung in the brooding sky like a tobacco-stained nail paring. --- Plagerized.-- Dr Sumguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Nice one, but the word is "toward." Not "towards.")
at

74 comments:

  1. AnonymousNovember 7, 2011 at 9:03 PM

    "Sure it was cheap . . . but what about 'location, location, location'???"


    ---blw

    ReplyDelete
  2. boneguyNovember 7, 2011 at 10:37 PM

    "Honey, what did you say when I told you we could get a house real cheap overlooking the proving grounds?"

    "No tanks."

    ReplyDelete
  3. Dr SumguyNovember 7, 2011 at 11:32 PM

    ""I said cartoon, not platoon!"

    ReplyDelete
  4. Dr SumguyNovember 7, 2011 at 11:50 PM

    "Dear, did you pay our ES 1040 estimated tax this quarter?"

    ReplyDelete
  5. NJ-to-TXNovember 8, 2011 at 3:38 AM

    "If you're looking for Anne, she's behind the bookcase."

    ReplyDelete
  6. Angus PodgornyNovember 8, 2011 at 4:22 AM

    "That's just a painting, you moron. The window's behind me."

    ReplyDelete
  7. Angus PodgornyNovember 8, 2011 at 4:23 AM

    "Relax. If we're not terrorists, we have nothing to fear."

    ReplyDelete
  8. Kathy HNovember 8, 2011 at 6:51 AM

    "Honey, if those are the Girl Scouts, I ordered six boxes of mint thins."

    ReplyDelete
  9. GrandmaNovember 8, 2011 at 7:29 AM

    "Dear, please inquire with those brave young men whether they'd care to friendly-fire all over my décolletage"

    ReplyDelete
  10. DamonNovember 8, 2011 at 8:04 AM

    "They're just soldier zombies, Dan. Put out the vampire dog."

    ReplyDelete
  11. DamonNovember 8, 2011 at 8:10 AM

    "`The internet is an anonymous playground', you said. `Nobody will care about one guy looking at infant porn', you said..."

    ReplyDelete
  12. Richard HNovember 8, 2011 at 9:40 AM

    "According to Old Moore's Almanac, this is the month when the first economy-class Space tourists are signed up. The Russian Army isn't supposed to reach our doorstep till December"

    ReplyDelete
  13. Tim HNovember 8, 2011 at 9:57 AM

    "Says here in the TV Guide that tonight there's a 'very special' Mike & Molly."

    ReplyDelete
  14. AnonymouseNovember 8, 2011 at 9:58 AM

    "If it's all the same to you, I don't like being a person of interest."

    ReplyDelete
  15. NJ-to-TXNovember 8, 2011 at 10:35 AM

    "Chronicles 29:11-13 - Now, our Lord, we give you tanks."

    ReplyDelete
  16. IrmaNovember 8, 2011 at 10:56 AM

    "Well, since they're here, Bill, check to see if they'll move the citrus trees to the porch and remove that darn oak stump."

    ReplyDelete
  17. AnonymousNovember 8, 2011 at 11:13 AM

    "Close the blinds."

    Jim Cavanaugh

    ReplyDelete
  18. SaitireguyNovember 8, 2011 at 11:17 AM

    "Tell then dinner's at six and not a minute sooner."

    ReplyDelete
  19. SaitireguyNovember 8, 2011 at 11:17 AM

    "Tell them dinner's at six and not a minute sooner."

    ReplyDelete
  20. BethNovember 8, 2011 at 11:51 AM

    "I don't care if they're sins or dwarves. Just tell them to get in here and scrub my mutt."

    ReplyDelete
  21. NJ-to-TXNovember 8, 2011 at 12:52 PM

    "You mean not one of the IUDs exploded?"

    ReplyDelete
  22. boneguyNovember 8, 2011 at 1:32 PM

    Turns out "Red Dawn" is their favorite movie too.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Kathy HNovember 8, 2011 at 1:46 PM

    "He said he was taking them out of Iraq, but he didn't say nothing about putting them here."

    ReplyDelete
  24. boneguyNovember 8, 2011 at 2:10 PM

    Jerry stop farting around and just tell them where Sarah Palin's place is.

    ReplyDelete
  25. AnonymousNovember 8, 2011 at 2:18 PM

    "He's on the furniture again. Down!"

    ReplyDelete
  26. Tim HNovember 8, 2011 at 2:55 PM

    "I said...Semper Fi!"

    ReplyDelete
  27. Dr SumguyNovember 8, 2011 at 3:32 PM

    "Dear. Did you foreget to hang the yellow ribbon,- again?"

    ReplyDelete
  28. Dr SumguyNovember 8, 2011 at 3:44 PM

    "Dear. Did you forget to return the VFW nickel?"

    ReplyDelete
  29. DexNovember 8, 2011 at 5:46 PM

    "Tell them this is 'Occupy Bungalow' and we're not moving until Michael Moore shows up."

    ReplyDelete
  30. Paleo PaulNovember 8, 2011 at 5:47 PM

    Hi, we're selling cookies to help pay for our next war and wonder if you'd be willing to buy a box or two.

    ReplyDelete
  31. AnonymousNovember 8, 2011 at 6:08 PM

    "I'm sure they're just curious about why the legs on our coffee table are so short."

    Jim Cavanaugh

    ReplyDelete
  32. AWNovember 8, 2011 at 7:29 PM

    "Why do you two look so surprised? You're the ones who insisted on buying a home on the Internet. It's so close to the beach, you said. There's no one around, you said. Lots of places to do my business, Fritzy said. Well, this is a fine mess."

    ReplyDelete
  33. AWNovember 8, 2011 at 7:29 PM

    "Why do you two look so surprised? You're the ones who insisted on buying a home on the Internet. It's so close to the beach, you said. There's no one around, you said. Lots of places to do my business, Fritzy said. Well, this is a fine mess."

    ReplyDelete
  34. NAMBYNovember 8, 2011 at 8:35 PM

    "Hun? I think we have company. Charlie Company."

    ReplyDelete
  35. Quinn the EskimoNovember 8, 2011 at 9:57 PM

    "Ask them if they have turrets syndrome."

    ReplyDelete
  36. Dr SumguyNovember 8, 2011 at 10:16 PM

    "Wanna tell me about the parking ticket?"

    ReplyDelete
  37. Dr SumguyNovember 8, 2011 at 10:23 PM

    "The Camp Pendleton Library sent them. Something about an overdue military book, Lose the Love Handles!"

    ReplyDelete
  38. Dr SumguyNovember 8, 2011 at 11:04 PM

    "It turn's out that Winkle, is actually the most decorated war dog, Sergeant Stubby!"

    ReplyDelete
  39. boneguyNovember 8, 2011 at 11:05 PM

    It looks like Amazon still has close air support available and it comes with free shipping.

    ReplyDelete
  40. NJ-to-TXNovember 9, 2011 at 4:28 AM

    "Rod Serling's probably smoking another cigarette and rolling over in his grave."
    ("Roll cameras. Action!")

    ReplyDelete
  41. BlondeNovember 9, 2011 at 7:20 AM

    Obviously they love the smell of burnt toast in the morning!

    ReplyDelete
  42. Carol Lou EllenNovember 9, 2011 at 12:17 PM

    "Why not Bil Keane?"

    ReplyDelete
  43. AnonymouseNovember 9, 2011 at 1:12 PM

    "...indeed..."

    ReplyDelete
  44. Wife #6November 9, 2011 at 4:25 PM

    "Osama-honey, you didn't actually think anyone fell for that, did you?"

    ReplyDelete
  45. Scud BlitzerNovember 9, 2011 at 8:45 PM

    "Just B.A. them, sweetie. They'll run for cover, screaming "ICBM, ICBM!!"

    ReplyDelete
  46. boneguyNovember 9, 2011 at 9:29 PM

    "What did the German army say when Herman Cain demanded they surrender?"

    "9-9-9".

    ReplyDelete
  47. AnonymousNovember 10, 2011 at 6:07 AM

    "The smiling one wants to hump Muffy."

    ReplyDelete
  48. AustinNovember 10, 2011 at 4:01 PM

    The Second and Third Amendments exercising the First Amendment.

    ReplyDelete
  49. Dr SumguyNovember 10, 2011 at 4:49 PM

    "This is the end," Alifalfa sobbed, clutching her heaving bosom & pausing only occasionally to scratch her itching left armpit while her sapphire eye, brimming with salty tears, turned helplessly towards the gibbous moon that hung in the brooding sky like a tobacco-stained nail paring. --- Plagerized.

    ReplyDelete
  50. smuckNovember 10, 2011 at 8:44 PM

    "My German's a little rusty, but they're offering some sort of vacation. A free train ride to go camping. To help with your concentration I think. It's in the scenic Dachau region of Germany."

    ReplyDelete
  51. AnonymousNovember 10, 2011 at 9:43 PM

    "Finally, it was Bill Keane."

    ReplyDelete
  52. ShellyNovember 10, 2011 at 10:09 PM

    "Oh, they're from that eastern college with the name like oil or insurance- something about the long, hard hours you put in with those boys."

    ReplyDelete
  53. AnonymousNovember 11, 2011 at 3:56 AM

    "Must have something to do with Joe Paterno. Everything does."

    ReplyDelete
  54. AnonymousNovember 11, 2011 at 4:44 AM

    "You're the one who didn't put the flag up for Veterans Day."

    ReplyDelete
  55. Joly WatersNovember 11, 2011 at 7:26 AM

    "With my three, your two, and the dogs two, we ought to be able to accommodate them."

    ReplyDelete
  56. Quinn the EskimoNovember 11, 2011 at 9:45 AM

    "Nice to have someone watching our backs. Happy Veterans Day, Henry."

    ReplyDelete
  57. boneguyNovember 11, 2011 at 10:51 AM

    Ask them if they know anything about the armor piercing shell that just went through the guest room and killed Grandma.

    ReplyDelete
  58. AnonymousNovember 11, 2011 at 11:04 AM

    "I'm haunted by the faces of my veterans."

    Jim Cavanaugh

    ReplyDelete
  59. Quinn the EskimoNovember 12, 2011 at 6:13 AM

    "I hope this retreat comes with a spa."

    ReplyDelete
  60. Richard HNovember 12, 2011 at 3:54 PM

    "It's not that I mind getting invaded by mistake, Stan, it's just I'm not sure that Michele Bachmann is really qualified to be Commander-in-Chief

    ReplyDelete
  61. AnonymousNovember 12, 2011 at 5:25 PM

    "I told the colonel what I caught you two doing together."

    ReplyDelete
  62. AnonymousNovember 12, 2011 at 5:56 PM

    "Relax, Harry, they're just part of that fucking occupy movement."

    ReplyDelete
  63. AnonymousNovember 13, 2011 at 6:30 AM

    "You handle it. I'm reading My Pet Goat."

    ReplyDelete
  64. butt kisserNovember 13, 2011 at 7:41 PM

    There's a battle outside and it is ragin'.
    It'll soon shake your windows and rattle your walls.
    For the times they are a-changin'.

    ReplyDelete
  65. DamonNovember 13, 2011 at 7:41 PM

    "I'm 82, and they have tanks. Ask me again if I shit my pants."

    ReplyDelete
  66. DamonNovember 13, 2011 at 7:50 PM

    "I'm 83, and they have tanks. Ask me again if I shit myself."

    (Edit for the skirt; 1+ year for the funny.)

    ReplyDelete
  67. AnonymousNovember 13, 2011 at 8:11 PM

    "Is it an invasion of privacy if you are an exhibitionist?"

    ReplyDelete
  68. AnonymousNovember 13, 2011 at 10:05 PM

    "Occupy Czechoslovakia."

    ReplyDelete
  69. David MacharelliNovember 14, 2011 at 5:26 AM

    "Is this when we thank the troops for our freedom?"

    ReplyDelete
  70. AnonymouseNovember 14, 2011 at 6:42 AM

    "Look on the bright side: At least we don't have a hippo in our living room."

    ReplyDelete
  71. AustinNovember 14, 2011 at 2:13 PM

    Can we use your bathroom?

    ReplyDelete
  72. Dr SumguyNovember 14, 2011 at 4:47 PM

    And so the little farmhouse lay right smack on the Soviet Polish border. When asked what country they would like to belong to. The meek vertically challenged farmer replied --- POLAND, I can't take another Soviet winter!

    ReplyDelete
  73. UtellmeNovember 15, 2011 at 11:32 PM

    It's the Guestapo. Make them feel at home, honey.

    ReplyDelete
  74. AnonymousNovember 21, 2011 at 9:52 PM

    "We probably would have a fighting chance if we had a hippo in the room."


    ---blw

    ReplyDelete