Sunday, October 9, 2011

The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #306





WINNERS
FIRST PLACE"How many ears must one man have?" --Angus Podcorny (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A classic Dylan quote pressed into service with a bad pun and a hint of social commentary. It is also short. My idea of Anti-Cap perfection.)


SECOND PLACE"I'm not paranoid. I simply know we're being stalked."--Tad (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Another bad pun--but no social commentary and no Dylan. That's why it's an also-ran.)


THIRD PLACE"Shuck them. Shuck 'em all." --Lawrence Wood (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I agree. This week I agree.)


HONORABLE MENTIONS"Honey, what's a 10-letter word for "a symbol of abundance and nourishment"? I have blank-blank-blank-blank-ucopia." --Tim H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: With or with out the "ucopia" part, I knew the answer was not "Los Angeles.")



Hey dog, this corn maze leads right to my balls. --Dog Whisperer (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Notice how unmoved the dog is.)


After being called "flakes" by the neighbors one too many times, the Kelloggs came up with a brilliant idea for a breakfast cereal.--- Hominy Hominy Hominy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: It is only truly brilliant if you add bananas and move to Battle Creek, Michigan.)


"Oh my god- I can't believe I never noticed this before. You're a man in a wig!" --Steve_O (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This same-face-and-glasses couple appears in ever cartoon by this artist, The question is: why?)


"I was okay with this at first. But I keep finding pieces of our new housemate in your poo."--Damon (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Gross! But at least Damon went with poo instead of some other crappy word.)


"Over there, out of the picture, sweetie, one of our stools has corn in it." --Septien (JUDGE'S COMMENT: If it is out of the picture it is not of interest to us.)
"The ears here are obscene!"--Tim H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: They may be phallic, but they are only obscene if used that way.)
Farm subsidy, you crazy bastard! How are you gonna beat this shit?--Jim Cavanaugh (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I think "poo" may have worked better.)
"`Let's watch porn together', is what I really said. But frankly, your ass looked pretty sexy in those planting overalls." --Damon (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This shows that even couples that look alike have communication issues.)
“Hunted like a crocodile, ravaged in the corn, I offered up my innocence and got repaid with scorn . . . but that’s OK, honey. You just enjoy your newspaper.” ---Bobby Z (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Now there's a wall between them, something has been lost.)
There will be no caption contest this week. Please enjoy this whimsical cartoon advertisement Victoria Roberts drew for Metamucil instead. --Damon (JUDGE'S COMMENT: We can assume then that this was Victoria's Secret--a brand that Dylan once made a commercial for, by the way.)
Remember when this contest had balls?--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Good times. Good times.)
“You know, even if we suggest anything about this scene is ‘corny’, alinla will sentence us to caption limbo for eternity.”---blw (JUDGE'S COMMENT: One day I will have that power. That day is not today.)
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95 comments:

  1. AnonymouseOctober 10, 2011 at 6:23 AM

    "Where's the elephant? I gotta check how high this corn is."

    ReplyDelete
  2. Kathy HOctober 10, 2011 at 6:25 AM

    "Y'know that Roomba®? Not so good."

    ReplyDelete
  3. Tim HOctober 10, 2011 at 6:26 AM

    "The ears here are obscene!"

    ReplyDelete
  4. boneguyOctober 10, 2011 at 6:54 AM

    I love the concept of urban farming but it's a bitch finding the remote.

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymouseOctober 10, 2011 at 6:59 AM

    "I said: 'That Ty Cobb was one helluva ballplayer.'"

    ReplyDelete
  6. David MacharelliOctober 10, 2011 at 7:25 AM

    "I have a bad feeling about this fertility treatment, like the kids are going to come out all creepy and fucked up."

    ReplyDelete
  7. DamonOctober 10, 2011 at 7:31 AM

    "`Let's watch porn together', is what I really said. But frankly, your ass looked pretty sexy in those planting overalls."

    ReplyDelete
  8. Angus PodgornyOctober 10, 2011 at 7:33 AM

    "If you suck it, I will come."

    ReplyDelete
  9. Angus PodcornyOctober 10, 2011 at 7:33 AM

    "How many ears must one man have?"

    ReplyDelete
  10. boneguyOctober 10, 2011 at 7:48 AM

    Until we reform our immigration policy, this shit is just going to sit here, unpicked.

    ReplyDelete
  11. WilliamOctober 10, 2011 at 9:34 AM

    "Hey Hon, this corn maze leads right to my balls."

    ReplyDelete
  12. TadOctober 10, 2011 at 9:37 AM

    "I'm not paranoid. I simply know we're being stalked."

    ReplyDelete
  13. SatireguyOctober 10, 2011 at 9:54 AM

    Two children of the corn live out their senior years in a Manhattan co-op.

    ReplyDelete
  14. NJ-to-TXOctober 10, 2011 at 10:40 AM

    "I know they lied about the corns, but now they have a sale on calluses."

    ReplyDelete
  15. Dog WhispererOctober 10, 2011 at 11:03 AM

    Hey dog, this corn maze leads right to my balls.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Kathy HOctober 10, 2011 at 11:05 AM

    "You may call it corn, but I call it maize."

    ReplyDelete
  17. AnonymousOctober 10, 2011 at 12:35 PM

    "You know, honey, I'm thinking crop rotation may address some of our sexual incompatibilities.”


    ---blw

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  18. DamonOctober 10, 2011 at 12:46 PM

    "I was okay with this at first. But I keep finding pieces of our new housemate in your poo."

    ReplyDelete
  19. Norm McDonaldOctober 10, 2011 at 12:51 PM

    "Apparently, we need to quit feeding the dog corn. (because everywhere he shits, it grows corn.)

    ReplyDelete
  20. UtellmeOctober 10, 2011 at 1:00 PM

    The childless of the corn.

    ReplyDelete
  21. boneguyOctober 10, 2011 at 1:03 PM

    Great choice. Arugula was so last year.

    ReplyDelete
  22. AnonymousOctober 10, 2011 at 1:07 PM

    "Dear, Sears has pants - size Husky - on sale. Speaking of husky, why do we have pug?"

    ReplyDelete
  23. NJ-to-TXOctober 10, 2011 at 1:10 PM

    "Hmm, baby, the moment is right. Bring your corn hole over to daddy."

    ReplyDelete
  24. Tim HOctober 10, 2011 at 1:15 PM

    "O.K. Now, this time I'll play Cary Grant and you'll play the crop duster pilot."

    ReplyDelete
  25. AnonymousOctober 10, 2011 at 1:16 PM

    “You know, even if we suggest anything about this scene is ‘corny’, alinla will sentence us to caption limbo for eternity.”

    ---blw

    ReplyDelete
  26. AnonymousOctober 10, 2011 at 1:16 PM

    “I’m all about this ‘back to earth’ craze, honey, but don’t you think we should first move out of Manhattan?”

    ---blw

    ReplyDelete
  27. AnonymousOctober 10, 2011 at 1:17 PM

    “I got it all for a steal from Terry Collins over at Citi Field. Seems the Mets never even used the outfield this season except to grow disbelief, disillusionment and some corn.”


    ---left coast wayne

    ReplyDelete
  28. AnonymousOctober 10, 2011 at 2:44 PM

    "And again, we are left to wonder why Victoria Roberts has a thing for pugs, and her women look like the men, only in drag. Corn?"

    ReplyDelete
  29. Dr SumguyOctober 10, 2011 at 3:06 PM

    So. Your "Genie in a Bottle" wish was to meet Dr Kornfeld?

    ReplyDelete
  30. Dr SumguyOctober 10, 2011 at 3:46 PM

    "Is that Cary Grant cowering in the corner?"

    ReplyDelete
  31. Eric GOctober 10, 2011 at 7:03 PM

    You're in my chair

    ReplyDelete
  32. Eric GOctober 10, 2011 at 7:08 PM

    While we're on the subject, the, um, bearded barley is getting a bit thick.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Horny ChipOctober 10, 2011 at 7:46 PM

    "Take off your clothes, honey, I'm Fri to lay."

    ReplyDelete
  34. boneguyOctober 10, 2011 at 8:57 PM

    Any problem with the crop duster using your landing strip?

    ReplyDelete
  35. Dr SumguyOctober 10, 2011 at 11:07 PM

    "We are a net exporter of ethanol. The company name is OPECKER, after the famous Irish Mohel!"

    ReplyDelete
  36. Dr SumguyOctober 10, 2011 at 11:07 PM

    "We are a net exporter of ethanol. The company name is OPECKER, after the famous Irish Mohel!"

    ReplyDelete
  37. Quinn the EskimoOctober 11, 2011 at 5:04 AM

    "Please stop calling me Kernel, dear."

    ReplyDelete
  38. ShellyOctober 11, 2011 at 6:48 AM

    "Edgar, why must we keep displaying that picture of the twister that took the farm in '07?"

    ReplyDelete
  39. AnonymouseOctober 11, 2011 at 7:05 AM

    "Honey, didn't Willie Maize once play for The Amaizin' Mets?"

    ReplyDelete
  40. DamonOctober 11, 2011 at 7:32 AM

    There will be no caption contest this week. Please enjoy this whimsical cartoon advertisement Victoria Roberts drew for Metamucil instead.

    ReplyDelete
  41. BLONDEOctober 11, 2011 at 8:54 AM

    "You'll get that blowjob when he corn is as high as an elephant's eye!" so stop your sulking Harry!!

    ReplyDelete
  42. BlondeOctober 11, 2011 at 2:59 PM

    "A-MAIZING but true!" ok I finally said it and I'm glad-

    ReplyDelete
  43. JuanOctober 11, 2011 at 3:16 PM

    "You know I prefer flour tortillas."

    ReplyDelete
  44. David MacharelliOctober 11, 2011 at 5:54 PM

    "I hate those magpies."

    ReplyDelete
  45. Suzanna L.October 11, 2011 at 5:56 PM

    As the uber-busy CEO of ConAgra Foods, Gary Rodkin never noticed he was being bugged at home by a cockroach on stalk no. 1.

    ReplyDelete
  46. DexOctober 11, 2011 at 6:02 PM

    "Reaper? I barely knew her!"

    ReplyDelete
  47. NJ-to-TXOctober 11, 2011 at 7:14 PM

    "What's a 6 letter word for 'couple that grows corn in their apartment'? Start with ID and ends in OTS."

    ReplyDelete
  48. AnonymousOctober 11, 2011 at 7:51 PM

    "I'm bald, but I've always wanted corn rows."

    Jim Cavanaugh

    ReplyDelete
  49. boneguyOctober 11, 2011 at 8:46 PM

    Granted the CC&Rs for this co -op are a bit odd. At least they don't let in Jews.

    ReplyDelete
  50. Quinn the EskimoOctober 11, 2011 at 9:07 PM

    "You always were good with a crop."

    ReplyDelete
  51. Steve_OOctober 11, 2011 at 9:12 PM

    "..." (Clearly there's no one talking.)

    ReplyDelete
  52. Dr SumguyOctober 11, 2011 at 9:25 PM

    "Did you know the previous occupant-Cornel Wilde?"

    ReplyDelete
  53. BlondeOctober 11, 2011 at 9:26 PM

    Herbert sat transfixed deeply pondering the design for his newest crop circle.

    ReplyDelete
  54. BlondeOctober 11, 2011 at 9:32 PM

    A typical evening in the Niblet's household.

    ReplyDelete
  55. UtellmeOctober 12, 2011 at 3:11 AM

    Honey, why is the scarecrow on the couch? Oh, it's you.

    ReplyDelete
  56. UtellmeOctober 12, 2011 at 3:15 AM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  57. UtellmeOctober 12, 2011 at 3:20 AM

    "Your friend, Mark, called."
    "What'd he say?"
    "Lend him your ears."

    ReplyDelete
  58. AustinOctober 12, 2011 at 4:55 AM

    Have you ever wondered where the Lilliputians keep getting these magic beans?

    ReplyDelete
  59. Tim HOctober 12, 2011 at 3:34 PM

    "Well, yes, I did say I was in the oil businesss. I just didn't tell you that it was corn oil."

    ReplyDelete
  60. DexOctober 12, 2011 at 4:12 PM

    Damn, I thought they pay you to not grow corn.

    ReplyDelete
  61. Rich LathersteinOctober 12, 2011 at 4:43 PM

    Somewhere, Orville Redenbacher prepares to awaken from his best dream ever and, yes, his tummy will be covered with his own special butter.

    ReplyDelete
  62. boneguyOctober 12, 2011 at 5:11 PM

    I sold all our Apple stock and put the money into corn futures.

    ReplyDelete
  63. Slob on My CobOctober 12, 2011 at 10:26 PM

    "Cornelia, your legs look amaizeing in those stalkings."

    "Aw, shucks."

    ReplyDelete
  64. Hominy Hominy HominyOctober 12, 2011 at 10:30 PM

    After being called "flakes" by the neighbors one too many times, the Kelloggs came up with a brilliant idea for a breakfast cereal.

    ReplyDelete
  65. This Corntoon ShucksOctober 12, 2011 at 10:45 PM

    Earl Cobb decided to turn his home into a corn euthanol energy processing plant.

    Being there were only two vehicle prototypes world-wide designed to run on corn fuel, Mrs. Cobb felt he was putting the cart before the horse.

    Funny, she didn't say that when he slept with her on the first date.

    ReplyDelete
  66. UtellmeOctober 12, 2011 at 11:08 PM

    The previous evening, Morty had cut off an ear, wrapped it in newsprint and handed it to a prostitute who said, "I don't get it."

    ReplyDelete
  67. AnonymousOctober 13, 2011 at 6:18 AM

    The Duffeldorfs were experts in hiding their pot plants.

    ReplyDelete
  68. Dr SumguyOctober 13, 2011 at 1:42 PM

    "Jimmy crack corn and I don't care, Jimmy passed gas and I do care!"

    ReplyDelete
  69. Kathy HOctober 13, 2011 at 2:30 PM

    "Hey, who's up for some Cornish hens?"

    ReplyDelete
  70. Quinn the EskimoOctober 13, 2011 at 8:42 PM

    "I'm not wearing tassels ever again, so don't even think about it."

    ReplyDelete
  71. AnonymouseOctober 14, 2011 at 6:39 AM

    "Honey, have you seen my Korn CD?"

    ReplyDelete
  72. Tim HOctober 14, 2011 at 6:43 AM

    "Honey, what's a 10-letter word for "a symbol of abundance and nourishment"? I have blank-blank-blank-blank-ucopia."

    ReplyDelete
  73. ctaOctober 14, 2011 at 9:10 AM

    Your Victory Garden Counts More Than Ever!

    ReplyDelete
  74. ctaOctober 14, 2011 at 9:11 AM

    Your Victoria Garden Counts More Than Ever!

    ReplyDelete
  75. Steve_OOctober 14, 2011 at 10:49 AM

    "Oh my god- I can't believe I never noticed this before. I'm a farmer, not a banker!"

    ReplyDelete
  76. Steve_OOctober 14, 2011 at 10:50 AM

    "Oh my god- I can't believe I never noticed this before. You're a man in a wig!"

    ReplyDelete
  77. Kathy HOctober 14, 2011 at 1:23 PM

    "I remember reading somewhere that nutty salmon with grilled corn on the corn and vegetables make a great dinner."

    ReplyDelete
  78. holden_cOctober 15, 2011 at 11:51 AM

    When a body meets a body, coming through the rye.

    ReplyDelete
  79. Ho, Ho, HoOctober 15, 2011 at 12:50 PM

    Cornel had no idea his wife was cheating on him with the Jolly Green Giant, despite the fact that his seed was everywhere.

    ReplyDelete
  80. Gary POctober 15, 2011 at 1:45 PM

    "God, I love the Woodstock album. Are you going to put on side 2, or should I?"

    ReplyDelete
  81. AnonymousOctober 15, 2011 at 2:42 PM

    "And I say without a pitchfork, our attempt at 'American Gothic' fails miserably."


    ---left coast wayne

    ReplyDelete
  82. SatireguyOctober 15, 2011 at 8:23 PM

    "Remember, Emily, the walls, floors and long leafy plants have ears."

    ReplyDelete
  83. Angus PodgornyOctober 16, 2011 at 7:58 AM

    "In lieu of tenants, we've got kernels."

    ReplyDelete
  84. AnonymousOctober 16, 2011 at 2:11 PM

    Remember when this contest had balls?

    ReplyDelete
  85. smuckOctober 16, 2011 at 3:09 PM

    "You'll never guess what I found in my stool this morning."

    ReplyDelete
  86. AnonymousOctober 16, 2011 at 4:02 PM

    "Well, I see your sneaky little paramour, Johnny Cornseed, continues his reckless reproductive shenanigans whenever I'm out of the apartment."


    ---blw

    ReplyDelete
  87. AnonymousOctober 16, 2011 at 4:07 PM

    “’Oh beautiful for spacious skies, for amber waves of . . . ‘ oh, shit, it’s supposed to be grain.”


    ---left coast wayne

    ReplyDelete
  88. AnonymousOctober 16, 2011 at 4:20 PM

    “Hunted like a crocodile, ravaged in the corn, I offered up my innocence and got repaid with scorn . . . but that’s OK, honey. You just enjoy your newspaper.”


    ---Bobby Z

    ReplyDelete
  89. SatireguyOctober 16, 2011 at 5:19 PM

    Victoria's secret is revealed: she likes to draw corn.

    ReplyDelete
  90. Gary POctober 16, 2011 at 7:49 PM

    "According to the paper, we both died in a fire last Monday and had to be identified by dental records. What do you want for dinner?"

    ReplyDelete
  91. AnonymousOctober 16, 2011 at 8:55 PM

    "I shall not today attempt further to define the kinds of material I understand to be embraced within that shorthand description of hard-core cornography . . . But I know it when I see it."


    ---Potter Stewart

    ReplyDelete
  92. Steve_OOctober 17, 2011 at 5:24 AM

    "You know what would be even more absurd than corn in your living room? Alligators on the subway! How crazy is that!"

    ReplyDelete
  93. Richard HOctober 17, 2011 at 8:15 AM

    "Sorry, Nigel, but it seems the corporate-owned media are still refusing to report on Occupy Living Room."

    ReplyDelete
  94. SeptienOctober 17, 2011 at 4:12 PM

    "Over there, out of the picture, sweetie, one of our stools has corn in it."

    ReplyDelete
  95. AnonymousOctober 17, 2011 at 9:06 PM

    "We're still here? I feel like we're trapped in a corn maze!"

    ReplyDelete