Sunday, September 11, 2011

The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #302


The call came sometime around twilight Sunday while I was unloading canned goods and lunch meat from the trunk of my car. It was Mrs. alinla She was over at her mom's house doing laundry and watching the Emmys. There was excitement in her voice. "Are you watching this?" she queried with a gleeful lilt. "Watching what?" I countered trying to stay polite while juggling groceries. "Radosh just won an Emmy! He's on stage right now with Jon accepting it!" After a pause to digest I said "That's nice." And I really meant it.

Jon of course is Jon Stewart and Radosh is Daniel Radosh, the founder of the Anti-Caption contest who went on to join the award-winning writing staff of The Daily Show. When he landed the gig he dropped us like a hot rock reluctantly stopped blogging. So the contest is like that tiny night club in Hamburg where the Beatles played in their early days, or Tom Hanks' time on Bosom Buddies.
We knew Daniel when he was just another nebbish writer with a receding hairline and pocket full of dreams. While it is true that even the most devoted fans of The Daily Show still don't know who the hell he is, I believe most Anti-Cappers will sigh wistfully upon hearing Radosh took home an Emmy. We watched lttle Dan-Dan grow up. He's our boy, even though he never calls or writes.
WINNERS
FIRST PLACE“I know we’re in a crisis, but where there’s a Wilbury, there’s a way.”--Dex. (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is not even close to being the best cap but it is a personal favorite. The man with the notes swirling around his head does look like Roy Orbison aka Lefty Wilbury and there is a nice little pun so I give you this week's winner.)

SECOND PLACE"I'm just asking you to fucking marry me. You don't have to be a cunt about it." --Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This works because it mocks control freak rich guys who believe romantic gestures can be used to acquire goods and services. If he hires a sliky-voiced crooner and asks for her hand in front of their co-workers, she'll agree if for no other reason than to avoid an awkward moment. This also marks the first ever appearance of the c-word in the winner's circle )
THIRD PLACE"I didn't have the jingle yet so I panicked; and, like a godsend, this guy was right outside with a cup . . . I'll go clean out my desk."--Sarah Nade (JUDGE'S COMMENT: People in a jam will do most anything to get out of it. That's what this tells us.)
HONORABLE MENTIONS
"Ask him to sing tenor. Tenor twelve miles away." --cta (JUDGE'S COMMENT: When I played the glockenspiel in band class the teacher asked if I knew how to play "Far Far Away." Everyone laughed. This reminded me of that.)

"Shut him up, Bob. Anybody can outsing you."--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I'll give this props because it is inspired by a classic, but it better not be Dylan you're dissing.)

"Christ, what an alto." --Dex (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Another pun-splashed classic.)

Falsetto, you crazy bastard! How are you?--Jim Cavanaugh (JUDGE'S COMMENT:Jim you once again reach far yet grasp little. Why would he be saying that to the woman? I'll give props for the classic, though.)

"The 'No Stairway' sign was working, so why the hell did you yell out 'Free Bird'?" Glenn (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is needlessly confusing. Led Zep is to Skynard and what masterpiece is to mush. Nuff said.)
"I can't wait 'til he goes back to the clip-on parrot." --LR (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This also gets charity props. )
"Not only does Mr. Dd like to copy Dylan's licks but seems he's not even creative in his cartoon drawings either."#232 & #246 --Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This points out that the cartoonist is a predictable hack creature of habit. And Dylan does not have "licks," he has classics.)
"Me? Well, I like to hit a few balls in a batting cage and then go ice skating at Sky Rink. And you?" --Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Not really sure what point K.H. is angling for but it confirms that she is following, so at least there's that. )
at

101 comments:

  1. DexSeptember 11, 2011 at 9:30 PM

    "Christ, what an alto."

    ReplyDelete
  2. SatireguySeptember 11, 2011 at 9:48 PM

    "They asked if I could look after Garrison Keillor just for the day."

    ReplyDelete
  3. boneguySeptember 11, 2011 at 10:41 PM

    Christ, this feels familiar.

    ReplyDelete
  4. AustinSeptember 12, 2011 at 4:43 AM

    New security measures counteract suspected Chinese listening devices.

    ReplyDelete
  5. NJ-to-TXSeptember 12, 2011 at 4:54 AM

    "The 'No Stairway' sign was working, so why the hell did you yell out 'Free Bird'?"

    ReplyDelete
  6. Kathy HSeptember 12, 2011 at 6:16 AM

    "Hi. My name is Art Garfunkel."

    ReplyDelete
  7. Eric GSeptember 12, 2011 at 6:57 AM

    Yes how many sales did we close last month? The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind...

    ReplyDelete
  8. NJ-to-TXSeptember 12, 2011 at 7:14 AM

    "Where's that electric chair when you really need it?"

    ReplyDelete
  9. Mike MarianoSeptember 12, 2011 at 7:39 AM

    "If you put all of Drew Dernavitch's cartoons together, you'll have a conference table that spans four football fields."

    ReplyDelete
  10. AnonymousSeptember 12, 2011 at 8:03 AM

    "Shut him up, Bob. Anybody can outsing you."

    ReplyDelete
  11. NJ-to-TXSeptember 12, 2011 at 8:24 AM

    "I don't know how Roy Orbison's ghost qualifies as a motivational speaker, either, but you must admit that it's haunting."

    ReplyDelete
  12. SatireguySeptember 12, 2011 at 9:19 AM

    "I figured reporting the quarerly report in song would make it a little easier to take."

    ReplyDelete
  13. ctaSeptember 12, 2011 at 9:22 AM

    "His sales pitch is a little off."

    ReplyDelete
  14. Dr SumguySeptember 12, 2011 at 9:26 AM

    "It's the Bankruptcy Song."

    ReplyDelete
  15. ctaSeptember 12, 2011 at 9:34 AM

    "Ask him to sing tenor. Tenor twelve miles away."

    ReplyDelete
  16. ctaSeptember 12, 2011 at 9:40 AM

    "You just had to yell 'Encore!', didn't you?"

    ReplyDelete
  17. LRSeptember 12, 2011 at 12:01 PM

    "I can't wait 'til he goes back to the clip-on parrot."

    ReplyDelete
  18. boneguySeptember 12, 2011 at 12:48 PM

    I'm trying different ways to fire people. Before you pack up your desk tell me what you think.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Dr SumguySeptember 12, 2011 at 1:58 PM

    "The Nearness of You" again. Care to switch seats?

    ReplyDelete
  20. AnonymousSeptember 12, 2011 at 1:58 PM

    I can kill a man with a pen.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Tim HSeptember 12, 2011 at 2:02 PM

    Mad Men officially jumps the shark.

    ReplyDelete
  22. AnonymouseSeptember 12, 2011 at 2:05 PM

    ♪ ♫ ♫ "What notes floating around his head?" ♪ ♫ ♪

    ReplyDelete
  23. AnonymousSeptember 12, 2011 at 2:46 PM

    "Not only does Mr. Dd like to copy Dylan's licks but seems he's not even creative in his cartoon drawings either."

    #232 & #246

    ReplyDelete
  24. badmanSeptember 12, 2011 at 4:29 PM

    This is actually an improvement. Last week, he jerked off.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Quinn the EskimoSeptember 12, 2011 at 7:03 PM

    "Tomorrow I'm trading him in for a Hummer."

    ReplyDelete
  26. AWSeptember 12, 2011 at 7:04 PM

    "HR has really lost it this time. Singing peace songs isn't going to help. I still hate you."

    ReplyDelete
  27. boneguySeptember 12, 2011 at 7:11 PM

    The CFO is singing Guatemalan love songs and my right arm is bloodlessly detached from my body. Told you your first day would be weird.

    ReplyDelete
  28. BlondeSeptember 12, 2011 at 8:57 PM

    Yeah - yeah I know - he's playing our song !!!

    ReplyDelete
  29. BlondeSeptember 12, 2011 at 9:04 PM

    "Melancholy Baby?" Crap sounds like our 3rd quarter number's are in the toilet-

    ReplyDelete
  30. AnonymousSeptember 12, 2011 at 9:37 PM

    LMAO @Steve_O.

    ReplyDelete
  31. LondeSeptember 12, 2011 at 9:45 PM

    If he breaks into a chorus of Kumbaya I'm outta here!

    ReplyDelete
  32. UtellmeSeptember 12, 2011 at 9:48 PM

    I'm sorry. I hired him to sing "Pretty Woman" for Sandy. I didn't know she was sick and that you'd be here instead. Roy, do you know "Hound Dog"?

    ReplyDelete
  33. Dr SumguySeptember 12, 2011 at 10:30 PM

    My favorite? "Elizabeth Taylor Eyes, Kentucky Fried Chicken Thighs."

    ReplyDelete
  34. Dr SumguySeptember 12, 2011 at 10:47 PM

    "As a favor for Herve, could you play, Five Foot Two, Eyes of Blue?"

    ReplyDelete
  35. Sarah NadeSeptember 13, 2011 at 12:23 AM

    "I didn't have the jingle yet so I panicked; and, like a godsend, this guy was right outside with a cup . . . I'll go clean out my desk."

    ReplyDelete
  36. UtellmeSeptember 13, 2011 at 12:34 AM

    "I call him 'Little Stevie Wonderhosen'. Wait'll you hear him do 'Shoo-Be-Doo-Be-Doo-Da-Day' in Yiddish."

    ReplyDelete
  37. AnonymousSeptember 13, 2011 at 3:37 AM

    "Sorry. Can't spare a sheet."

    ReplyDelete
  38. JohnnyBSeptember 13, 2011 at 5:50 AM

    Everyone knows his musical notes are just clipped tones.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Kathy HSeptember 13, 2011 at 6:21 AM

    "Me? Well, I like to hit a few balls in a batting cage and then go ice skating at Sky Rink. And you?"

    ReplyDelete
  40. AnonymouseSeptember 13, 2011 at 6:22 AM

    "Well, at least he has his head and both hands."

    ReplyDelete
  41. boneguySeptember 13, 2011 at 8:30 AM

    One guess who just got laid.

    ReplyDelete
  42. Sam AnticSeptember 13, 2011 at 10:32 AM

    "I know he's our CEO, but rhyming 'recapitalize' and 'your creamy thighs' is a bit of a stretch"

    ReplyDelete
  43. SatireguySeptember 13, 2011 at 10:32 AM

    "Nice haircut."

    ReplyDelete
  44. Sumguy M.D.September 13, 2011 at 11:08 AM

    "I find the cacophony of cackles emanating from his evacuating colostomy---amusing! Don't you?"

    ReplyDelete
  45. ctaSeptember 13, 2011 at 12:40 PM

    "He said he was just going to have to 'duet himself'. I don't know if he's being ironic or idiotic."

    ReplyDelete
  46. Kathy HSeptember 13, 2011 at 12:58 PM

    "He's the best Esperanto singer I have ever heard. Ask him to play Mack the Knife (Mack la Trancxilo)."

    ReplyDelete
  47. AnonymousSeptember 13, 2011 at 1:30 PM

    "He's a corporate raider...says he got this company for a song."

    Jim Cavanaugh

    ReplyDelete
  48. AnonymousSeptember 13, 2011 at 6:03 PM

    "No, I wasn't singing. He hit me in the head."

    ReplyDelete
  49. My Pet GoatSeptember 13, 2011 at 10:07 PM

    "Look, I'm as sorry about the atrocities as the next guy, but I just can't take another fucking tribute"

    ReplyDelete
  50. Quinn the EskimoSeptember 13, 2011 at 10:11 PM

    "I didn't say stereo type, did you?"

    ReplyDelete
  51. Quinn the EskimoSeptember 13, 2011 at 10:15 PM

    "Are you taking notes, or should I?"

    ReplyDelete
  52. AnonymousSeptember 13, 2011 at 10:16 PM

    "I admire your persistence. But there's no room in the budget for complimentary turkeys."

    ReplyDelete
  53. JohnnyBSeptember 14, 2011 at 6:25 AM

    This is what we get for hiring Mexicans.

    ReplyDelete
  54. David MacharelliSeptember 14, 2011 at 6:42 AM

    "...and to think, when the board said we'd be getting more Cash at the next meeting, I was excited."

    ReplyDelete
  55. Gary PSeptember 14, 2011 at 8:56 AM

    "He actually does have lovely lady lumps."

    ReplyDelete
  56. P.M.September 14, 2011 at 9:22 AM

    "Now that we've covered Yesterday, let's talk about this company's future."

    ReplyDelete
  57. AnonymousSeptember 14, 2011 at 10:22 AM

    "He is killing me softly with his song. And I fully expect to be dead in 15 minutes."

    ReplyDelete
  58. Tim HSeptember 14, 2011 at 10:25 AM

    "Well, the way this company is going, we'll soon all be appearing on American Idle."

    ReplyDelete
  59. AnonymousSeptember 14, 2011 at 10:40 AM

    "Send in Blutarsky!"

    ReplyDelete
  60. AnonymousSeptember 14, 2011 at 12:17 PM

    "Try to compose yourself."

    Jim Cavanaugh

    ReplyDelete
  61. AnonymouseSeptember 14, 2011 at 2:19 PM

    "Stylistically, he's a cross between Joan Armatrading and The Singing Nun."

    ReplyDelete
  62. WaltSeptember 14, 2011 at 4:51 PM

    Yeah, Staff Meeting Hero is fully compatible with the guitar, if you don't feel like springing for the tablet or the mug.

    ReplyDelete
  63. AnonymousSeptember 14, 2011 at 8:23 PM

    "The Americans With Abilities Act should be repealed."

    ReplyDelete
  64. Roger HammerpeenSeptember 14, 2011 at 10:10 PM

    Do you care what his favorite things are?

    ReplyDelete
  65. smuckSeptember 14, 2011 at 10:13 PM

    "I brought a coupe plait miget*, do you mind?"

    * French for "guitar-playing accountant".

    ReplyDelete
  66. smuckSeptember 15, 2011 at 7:38 AM

    "I deff so eh dunna bovva meh."

    ReplyDelete
  67. smuckSeptember 15, 2011 at 7:42 AM

    "Well, Obama did promise us ch-ch-ch-ch-changes."

    ReplyDelete
  68. Kathy HSeptember 15, 2011 at 9:21 AM

    "He's an old cowhand from the Rio Grande
    But his legs ain't bowed and his cheeks ain't tanned
    He's the cowboy who never saw a cow
    Never roped a steer 'cause he don't know how
    He sure ain't fixin' to start in now
    Yippee i oh ti-ay! Yippee i oh ti-ay!"

    ReplyDelete
  69. Tim HSeptember 15, 2011 at 9:28 AM

    "Yes, he spent two years in Julliard, two years in Mannes, and four years in vain."

    ReplyDelete
  70. AnonymouseSeptember 15, 2011 at 9:31 AM

    "He has suffered for his art. Now, it's our turn."

    ReplyDelete
  71. Dr SumguySeptember 15, 2011 at 9:32 AM

    "He's my ride home!"

    ReplyDelete
  72. JohnnyBSeptember 15, 2011 at 9:55 AM

    not a caption
    http://www.thelocal.se/36118/20110913/
    Al in LA charged for playing Dylan song for his ex

    ReplyDelete
  73. AnonymousSeptember 15, 2011 at 10:26 AM

    Singing "Meat, the new boss" doesn't make it any less of a lameass slogan."

    ReplyDelete
  74. AnonymousSeptember 15, 2011 at 12:33 PM

    He only plays in the key of Dd. This shit's getting old.

    ReplyDelete
  75. AnonymousSeptember 15, 2011 at 3:01 PM

    "This is eerily reminiscent of when Dylan gave the annual profit margins report at the Newport Folk Festival."


    ---blw

    ReplyDelete
  76. Quinn the EskimoSeptember 15, 2011 at 8:42 PM

    "If you think the acoustics here are bad, you should see the captions."

    ReplyDelete
  77. UtellmeSeptember 16, 2011 at 12:33 AM

    Carl knows none of you believes there ever was a Crosby, Stills, Nash, Young & Fortner. That is, except you, Doris, who's experienced his expert fingering before.

    ReplyDelete
  78. UtellmeSeptember 16, 2011 at 12:38 AM

    Jerking me off under the table, Miss Jones, is NOT going to get your brother a contract.

    ReplyDelete
  79. Paul A. AbduelSeptember 16, 2011 at 12:41 AM

    "So You Think He's Got Talent?"

    ReplyDelete
  80. UtellmeSeptember 16, 2011 at 12:49 AM

    "Trust me, yodeling's making a huge comeback; as sure as I'm president of B.M. & Fartte Entertainment."

    ReplyDelete
  81. AnonymousSeptember 16, 2011 at 8:51 AM

    "Seriously? Your name is Ms. Heard Lyrics, and you're using your notepad to pad your bra."

    ReplyDelete
  82. AnonymouseSeptember 16, 2011 at 12:08 PM

    "Musical is his middle name. Unfortuantely, his first name is No and his last name is Talent."

    ReplyDelete
  83. Richard HSeptember 16, 2011 at 1:15 PM

    "I prefer the one about when his cat died"

    ReplyDelete
  84. Richard HSeptember 16, 2011 at 1:16 PM

    "Why aren't there more songs about farting in elevators?'

    ReplyDelete
  85. stcoleridgeSeptember 16, 2011 at 2:18 PM

    "I liked these meetings better with the parrots."

    ReplyDelete
  86. stcoleridgeSeptember 16, 2011 at 2:27 PM

    "Three verses of 'Where have all the flowers gone?' here are obscene."

    ReplyDelete
  87. stcoleridgeSeptember 16, 2011 at 2:34 PM

    "I like mine better."

    ReplyDelete
  88. AWSeptember 16, 2011 at 9:19 PM

    "It's the quarterly numbers report. Must be looking better. Last time he did a dirge in his son's Grim reaper costume."

    ReplyDelete
  89. AnonymousSeptember 16, 2011 at 9:55 PM

    "Who's fretting?"

    ReplyDelete
  90. AnonymousSeptember 16, 2011 at 9:59 PM

    Unfortunately, I told my kids never to say "Shut the &@#% up".

    ReplyDelete
  91. DiaphanousSeptember 17, 2011 at 5:03 AM

    "I had no idea Grandma got run over by a reindeer."

    ReplyDelete
  92. Steve FrankSeptember 17, 2011 at 6:49 AM

    But why would they call the wind Maria?

    ReplyDelete
  93. AnonymousSeptember 17, 2011 at 9:30 AM

    "'Pair of roller skates' represents the labia. 'Brand new key' means he has a newly working penis, having just hit adolescence. Any other questions?"

    ReplyDelete
  94. AnonymousSeptember 17, 2011 at 1:01 PM

    "If Simon still sat on our panel, this guy would be dead meat."


    ---blw

    ReplyDelete
  95. AnonymousSeptember 17, 2011 at 1:05 PM

    “Oh, mama, can this really be the end? To be stuck inside a board meeting with the ‘X Factor’ blues again.”


    ---Bobby Z.

    ReplyDelete
  96. Angus PodgornySeptember 17, 2011 at 4:43 PM

    "It's still better than any PowerPoint presentation I've ever seen."

    ReplyDelete
  97. Angus PodgornySeptember 17, 2011 at 4:45 PM

    "Since when does 'quarterly profits' rhyme with 'carbon offsets'?"

    ReplyDelete
  98. DexSeptember 18, 2011 at 8:06 AM

    “I know we’re in a crisis, but where there’s a Wilbury, there’s a way.”

    ReplyDelete
  99. SatireguySeptember 18, 2011 at 8:30 PM

    "Ironically, he ain't my brother but he is rather heavy."

    ReplyDelete
  100. ctaSeptember 19, 2011 at 7:42 AM

    "He saw the earnings report, so I have no idea why he is so up-beat.."

    ReplyDelete
  101. Dick the ButcherSeptember 19, 2011 at 8:01 PM

    "Recitals are my favorite part of board resolutions."

    ReplyDelete