The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #301

Note: This week marks the 11th anniversary of my move to L.A. I moved after I landed a job as the west coast editor of a New York-based national magazine. Although I did not fly out west until Sept. 15th, I started the job a few days earlier because the parent company was having its bi-annual retreat at the Chelsea Piers.
The day was Sept. 11, 2000. The morning was devoted to seminars and meetings. In the afternoon we had free run of the place and could participate in whatever fun stuff we wanted. I opted to hit a few balls in a batting cage and then go ice skating at Sky Rink. At one point, I stood outside and marveled at the lower Manhattan skyline and mused about how much I'd miss the big busy city where I was born and raised.
Exactly a year later, that ice rink was pressed into service as a make-shift morgue. If I had stayed at my old job, I would have been on the R train headed to work. And at about 9am I would have been reaching the Cortland Street stop adjacent to the WTC. Instead, I was in L.A, safe and warm. My only duty that day was to tell the staff to go home. Nine-eleven has a certain resonance for me is all I'm trying to say.

WINNERS
FIRST PLACE"Whoah! Now where would they beheading?" --Glenn (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This has validity if you assume they have been decapitated AND had their hands cut off, yet are still able to walk. Works for me. )
SECOND PLACE"Oh great, looks like this cartoon has been decaptionated." --cta (JUDGE'S COMMENT: And this has validity if you assume there was a caption but it was somehow removed. Like this week's top winner it's flawed but worthy.)THIRD PLACEHa! No one noticed the blade in the revolving door. Sure, it's a mess to clean, but it's worth it to see their faces. --JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Even worse. Tell me Johnny, if their heads are missing how can you see their faces? You realize this is another charity win for you, right?)


HONORABLE MENTIONS"Ha, look at Bob, coming into work naked and rubbing his dick against the glass. You show em, Bob!" --Mike Mariano (JUDGE'S COMMENT: At least Mike understands that there are invisible men. Yes, this is better that the top three but not nearly as edgy.)



"Jobs program for Middle East war vets." --Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Reminds me of an anti-war poster I saw in a neighbor's home when I was a kid. It had Santa Clause carrying a coffin on his back and the caption said "Bring our boys home for Christmas." Safe to say it stayed with me.)
"When is someone going to teach these fucking Hessians to duck?" --David Macharelli (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I get the historical reference [if YOU don't, look it up] but can I once again point out that their hands are also missing. )
Go figure- job market's down and they go and hire a whole new crew of headhunters! --Blonde (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This also makes no sense. Headhunters are not looking for their own head. )
"There looking for someone to give them head."
THE NEXT DAY:
"They're looking for someone to give them head." Dr Sumguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The correction cap came 25 hours and 58 minutes after the original. This suggests that who ever submitted it went back the next day and said what Tim H. often finds himself saying: "Oh Shit!." It also suggests Sumguy is not really a doctor.)

"They may look like a bunch of empty suits, but because they work for S&P, people take them quite seriously" --Richard H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This assumes they are nice suits. Reminds me of advice I got when I started a job. A guy who had been there a while told me "Show up on time and dress nice --they will never fire you." He was laid off. )
"I'm haunted by the faces of my victims, which are in a box under my bed. The torsos I have propped up in lifelike poses." --Steve_O (JUDGE'S COMMENT: For God sake! Am I the only one to notice that hey do not have hands!! What the hell is with you people?)

I said, 'I do not fear those pants with nobody inside them.'I said, and said, and said those words.I said them. But I lied them. --Dr. Seuss (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is an actual Seuss quote so the author of this caption is not a liar, liar whose pants are on fire.)

It's been 10 years to the day. I'm starting to forget their names and faces, but I'll never forget what happened.--Jim Cavanaugh (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I appreciate the seniment, but if one of those faces played on a Staten Island high school hockey team you once coached, I'll bet you'd remember. [RIP firefighter John Patrick Tierney. I will never forget you.])
"Wall Street Journal guys. That's what they got for mentioning the Anti-Cap contest."--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I hate this because, intentionally or not, it evolkes the merciless slaughter of WSJ reporter Daniel Pearl. It also links to a Journal story that suggests Dan Radosh still judges this contest. I guess I can let that part slide.)