Sunday, August 21, 2011

The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #299




WINNERS

FIRST PLACE "Let me introduce myself. I am Juan from Column A." --Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: As if to prove that the no-pun rule has been lifted, this gem brings a long over-due win for Kathy. Even so, why would "Juan" be introducing himself to a woman who looks like him in drag?)

SECOND PLACE I finally got a column in the New Yorker.--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Congratulations! Not to piss on this lofty accomplishment, but it seems your dog also got a column. Who gets a column is very political, that's all I'm trying to say.)
THIRD PLACE 
We could be stuck without food and water until Irene blows over. You still lactating?--Jim Cavanaugh (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is bad but it could be even worse if you assume the man's wife is named Irene and he is addressing his comments to the dog. Now that would be an anti-cap.)

HONORABLE MENTIONS
"Since that's a pug, I can only assume we're on display as examples of ugly humans." --David Macharelli (JUDGE'S COMMENT: They look like a nice enough couple and pugs are cute as hell. Remember David, ugly is as ugly does.)


"Strange, but true. My name is Victoria Roberts and I peed my name in the carpet below." --Anonymouse (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Nice eye for detail and even better if you assume the dog is talking. )

"O.K. Someone's gotta pay for miscounting the Contest number. God, I wanted to be in Contest #300 sooooo bad!" --Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The same week that brings Kathy a huge win she comes up with this. Win some, lose some. )

"I've run out of things to talk about. Oh, hey...Bob Dylan!" --Anonymouse (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A included a link to Dylan's Theme Time Radio Hour. A terrible cap but nice job sucking up to the judge. )

Al says no puns, but right there on his blog page, it says "Links to this post." --Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Post is also a breakfast cereal brand and a newspaper, so it is a very pun-prone word. Besides, I also said no waste of time caps--that one is also widely ignored.)

"I was trying to think of a way to pose us to get the least interest and the fewest caption submissions. I think I did damn well!" --Glenn (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Mission accomplished. This cartoon really sucks.)

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71 comments:

  1. Kay NeinAugust 21, 2011 at 10:12 PM

    "Weird. Dogs usually have red shafts."

    ReplyDelete
  2. The Chexx Mixx KiddAugust 22, 2011 at 4:00 AM

    I don't care if she is your best friend, I'm not letting Yoko glue fruit to my naked body

    ReplyDelete
  3. The Chexx Mixx KiddAugust 22, 2011 at 4:16 AM

    Yeah, he's a BIG fan of the “Saw” franchise.... Hey! Where did he go?

    ReplyDelete
  4. The Chexx Mixx KiddAugust 22, 2011 at 4:29 AM

    Survivor: MoMA

    (groan)

    ReplyDelete
  5. The Chexx Mixx KiddAugust 22, 2011 at 4:46 AM

    “Novel practices”? From here I can see our marriage counselor speeding off with his golf clubs sticking out of his trunk.

    ReplyDelete
  6. UnbalancedAugust 22, 2011 at 5:51 AM

    "What's wrong with being a columnist?"

    ReplyDelete
  7. WaltAugust 22, 2011 at 6:23 AM

    Did you really mean that, or were you just being Ionic?

    ReplyDelete
  8. Kathy HAugust 22, 2011 at 6:28 AM

    "Let me introduce myself. I am Juan from Column A."

    ReplyDelete
  9. AnonymouseAugust 22, 2011 at 6:31 AM

    "Strange, but true. My name is Victoria Roberts and I peed my name in the carpet below."

    ReplyDelete
  10. Tim HAugust 22, 2011 at 6:38 AM

    "I don't like to brag, but I have been told more than once that I am a pillar of the community."

    ReplyDelete
  11. boneguyAugust 22, 2011 at 6:44 AM

    The rest of the Parthenon should be here by Thursday.

    ReplyDelete
  12. smuckAugust 22, 2011 at 7:39 AM

    "It's part of our contract - Victoria Roberts has to draw us in the same room as a couch. I'm calling my lawyer."

    ReplyDelete
  13. smuckAugust 22, 2011 at 7:39 AM

    "This place sucks."

    ReplyDelete
  14. Heidi SilverAugust 22, 2011 at 7:42 AM

    Honey, I've always put you on a pedestal but now I can hardly cone-tain myself. plus the dog came in third.

    ReplyDelete
  15. boneguyAugust 22, 2011 at 9:16 AM

    This is how large my prostate has to get to make it into the Guinness Book of Records.

    ReplyDelete
  16. David MacharelliAugust 22, 2011 at 10:57 AM

    "Since that's a pug, I can only assume we're on display as examples of ugly humans."

    ReplyDelete
  17. AnonymousAugust 22, 2011 at 11:58 AM

    It's been 12 hours. Where the fuck is Johhny B.?

    ReplyDelete
  18. Herr PopeAugust 22, 2011 at 1:46 PM

    “No one ever wins in Whack-a-Jew®. Jazz Hands!!”

    ReplyDelete
  19. AnonymouseAugust 22, 2011 at 2:39 PM

    "I've run out of things to talk about. Oh, hey...Bob Dylan!"

    ReplyDelete
  20. AnonymousAugust 22, 2011 at 3:02 PM

    "Why so aloof? My post is stiff for you, baby!"

    ReplyDelete
  21. AnonymousAugust 22, 2011 at 3:03 PM

    "These are all Doric. Ionic and Corinthian are more ornate."

    ReplyDelete
  22. Dr SumguyAugust 22, 2011 at 3:11 PM

    "This is the answer! What was the question?"

    ReplyDelete
  23. Dr SumguyAugust 22, 2011 at 3:13 PM

    "Last year, the debt ceiling was only this wide!"

    ReplyDelete
  24. Dr SumguyAugust 22, 2011 at 3:28 PM

    "So when they raised the urinal, I had 2 choices. Either let out less hose, or go for the piedistallo!"

    ReplyDelete
  25. Dr SumguyAugust 22, 2011 at 4:27 PM

    pedestal

    ReplyDelete
  26. AnonymousAugust 22, 2011 at 6:16 PM

    "You are statuesque, my dear. Who was it who sculpted your bust?"

    ReplyDelete
  27. DexAugust 22, 2011 at 6:39 PM

    "Alabaster? Yes, I suppose he is at times."

    ReplyDelete
  28. SatireguyAugust 22, 2011 at 6:47 PM

    "I said I wanted to be a pederast, not a pedestal."

    ReplyDelete
  29. AnonymousAugust 22, 2011 at 8:52 PM

    I finally got a column in the New Yorker.

    ReplyDelete
  30. boneguyAugust 22, 2011 at 9:14 PM

    Frieze sucker!

    ReplyDelete
  31. AnonymousAugust 22, 2011 at 11:46 PM

    "Fraternal. What else?"

    Bro

    ReplyDelete
  32. Tim HAugust 23, 2011 at 1:28 PM

    "...and that's why I put these columns in Virginia. Because who ever heard of an earthquake in Virginia?!"

    ReplyDelete
  33. SatireguyAugust 23, 2011 at 5:12 PM

    "Not only am I double-jointed, I also have a terminal case of jazz hands."

    ReplyDelete
  34. DexAugust 23, 2011 at 8:19 PM

    "As a statue, I have my limitations."

    ReplyDelete
  35. JessAugust 23, 2011 at 9:14 PM

    "Oh my God! A mouse! Karen, how can you stay so clam? And Dutchess...you should be ashamed!

    ReplyDelete
  36. Donald RumsfeldAugust 23, 2011 at 10:08 PM

    "You forgot the hood and electrical cords."

    ReplyDelete
  37. AnonymousAugust 23, 2011 at 10:34 PM

    "I hope he doesn't pun-ish us again."

    ReplyDelete
  38. ShellyAugust 24, 2011 at 4:13 AM

    "I'm sorry to have to tell you I'm leaving my post."

    ReplyDelete
  39. AnonymousAugust 24, 2011 at 5:41 AM

    Al says no puns, but right there on his blog page, it says "Links to this post."

    ReplyDelete
  40. skeeelzAugust 24, 2011 at 6:07 AM

    Before I waste my time and yours, explain to me why you feel worthy of instruction in the art of being shot from a cannon.

    ReplyDelete
  41. AustinAugust 24, 2011 at 6:47 AM

    No, I thought you had the rope.

    ReplyDelete
  42. Kathy HAugust 24, 2011 at 9:01 AM

    "O.K. Someone's gotta pay for miscounting the Contest number. God, I wanted to be in Contest #300 sooooo bad!"

    ReplyDelete
  43. NJ-to-TXAugust 24, 2011 at 1:35 PM

    "I think we can survive that tsunami-like wave of horrifying word play up here."

    ReplyDelete
  44. AnonymouseAugust 24, 2011 at 1:56 PM

    "Yes, I always get my suits at Paul Stuart because they accommodate my double-jointed elbows so well."

    ReplyDelete
  45. Dim SteveAugust 24, 2011 at 3:03 PM

    "Honey, no offense, but your dress is fuckin' ugly. I mean what is it? Balloons, Neopolitan ice cream? Look, just never wear it again, OK, at least not when I'm around. God, I just love loving you so much that I feel safe being this open with you.!"

    ReplyDelete
  46. AWagsAugust 24, 2011 at 7:42 PM

    "You're always looking down on me, you say. Well, I'm tired of it."

    ReplyDelete
  47. AWagsAugust 24, 2011 at 8:25 PM

    Introducing "Madame Tussauds" Hall of Arguments.

    ReplyDelete
  48. smuckAugust 25, 2011 at 6:40 AM

    "And so this is my model of the universe. I'm at the center, orbited by lesser beings like yourself. You do have Fifi as a moon, if that's any consolation."

    ReplyDelete
  49. boneguyAugust 25, 2011 at 12:02 PM

    I'd say my love of underage Greeks boys is completely irrelevant.

    ReplyDelete
  50. AnonymousAugust 25, 2011 at 12:24 PM

    "Am I OK with this? Sure, I am. If the oceans rise, I'll be the last to go."


    ---blw

    ReplyDelete
  51. Dr SumguyAugust 25, 2011 at 4:22 PM

    "I'm sick of these vertically challenged jokes, i.e. yo momma so short she gotta slam-dunk her bus fare!"

    ReplyDelete
  52. AnonymousAugust 25, 2011 at 11:40 PM

    "Can you take me higher?"

    ReplyDelete
  53. AnonymousAugust 26, 2011 at 4:54 AM

    "Simon says, 'do this'"

    ReplyDelete
  54. Kathy HAugust 26, 2011 at 9:17 AM

    “I know he’s the last dog left in this pound, but I still say, ‘Gas him!’”

    ReplyDelete
  55. ctaAugust 26, 2011 at 2:43 PM

    "We should never have asked your museum curator friend to put us up for the night!"

    ReplyDelete
  56. ctaAugust 26, 2011 at 2:45 PM

    "So? Is the 'ribbed for her pleasure' one worth it?"

    ReplyDelete
  57. ctaAugust 26, 2011 at 2:48 PM

    "Your friend says he 'created a unique piece of performance art' for us. Bah! See if I ever column back!"

    ReplyDelete
  58. ctaAugust 26, 2011 at 2:50 PM

    "With my chiseled physique and long-standing reputation, I'm sure to win this immunity challenge!"

    ReplyDelete
  59. ctaAugust 26, 2011 at 2:52 PM

    "Is this really the only way we can stop him from humping our legs?"

    ReplyDelete
  60. The Chexx Mixx KiddAugust 27, 2011 at 5:17 AM

    Don't get comfortable - we're just place holders for Johnny, Jimbo and Angus Podgorny

    ReplyDelete
  61. This Contest really blows, nowAugust 27, 2011 at 5:18 AM

    Quinctilius Varus, bring back our heros!

    ReplyDelete
  62. SatireguyAugust 27, 2011 at 10:15 AM

    "I said putting you on a pedestal would be ironic, not Ionic."

    ReplyDelete
  63. REXAugust 27, 2011 at 11:21 AM

    Having lived in Upper East Side Manhattan for many years, Irving and Claudia Goldstein were unfamiliar with hurricane preparedness.

    ReplyDelete
  64. Suzanna L.August 27, 2011 at 12:35 PM

    Really, I don't think Mom was considering earthquakes and hurricanes when she left me the telescope lens.

    ReplyDelete
  65. Suzanna L.August 27, 2011 at 12:43 PM

    Al and Irene are just on a mean streak, honey. I think we can come down next week.

    ReplyDelete
  66. AnonymousAugust 27, 2011 at 7:24 PM

    We could be stuck without food and water until Irene blows over. You still lactating?

    Jim Cavanaugh

    ReplyDelete
  67. NJ-to-TXAugust 28, 2011 at 4:21 PM

    "Okay, now I can tell you. I slept with your mother. On and off. For about 6 years. But it's over, now. Well, it was over way before she died."

    ReplyDelete
  68. NJ-to-TXAugust 28, 2011 at 6:26 PM

    "I was trying to think of a way to pose us to get the least interest and the fewest caption submissions. I think I did damn well!"

    ReplyDelete
  69. DieterAugust 28, 2011 at 7:06 PM

    "Now's the time on Sprocket's when we dance."

    ReplyDelete
  70. NJ-to-TXAugust 29, 2011 at 9:00 AM

    "Buck, buck, buck, bakaw!!!!"

    ReplyDelete
  71. LadnerzzsdNovember 27, 2012 at 4:01 PM

    Al says no puns, but right there on his blog page, it says "Links to this post."

    ReplyDelete