Bonus Anti-Cap Contest

Note: Some cartoons lend themselves to Anti-Capping, some don't. Two guys sipping coffee in an office setting while watching a monster destroy their city has numerous possibilities. That's why this cartoon struck a cord. By Sunday night our little bonus contest drew an impressive 144 entries. That is, I believe, a record for this type of post and one of the highest totals seen in Anti-Caption history.
So even if you entered something that sucks (a likely occurrence), you can be proud. While, I expect it will be snubbed by the Guinness Book people, long-time Anti- cappers understand the significance. This also inspires me to cough up future Bonus Cartoons using the same approach: Find a compelling cartoon in the current issue that has a bland, pointless or lazy-ass cap and hold it up to ridicule. Let the Anti-Cappers do the rest. Thanks to all.
WINNERS FIRST PLACE "Hey, you just missed a jumper - a naked chick." --Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is much better than "I wish I had that kind of energy," but yet it's in the same vein. Jaded office drones would react to an across-the-street monster attack with bemused indifference and witty banter. And if naked chicks were plunging to a gruesome death, that would be even cooler to watch than the monster. But if any of this happened in the late afternoon, they would wonder how it might effect their commute home. Having worked most of my life in a big city office setting, I know these things to be true.)

SECOND PLACE "How come no one ever thinks to call the beast's owner?" --Rick O'Shay (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A statement about accountability and the importance of leash laws. )
THIRD PLACE He's humping their lingerie department. -- The Chexx Mixx Kidd (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Rookie upstart CMK once again jumps onto the leader board with a cap that's short, tasteless and timely. This was first cap submitted [Sunday, 4 a.m, PST] Note to fading Anti-Cap superstar JohnnyB: Watch this guy. Learn from him. In the mean time I gave him your locker.)
HONORABLE MENTIONS That reminds me, that crazy bastard Fusilli is coming to visit." --Jim Cavagnaw (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is the cap I trotted out as an example, I am not so vein as to pick it as the top winner, but I didn't want it to go unrecognized. It really is a damn good Anti-Cap.)

The irony is that he found this gig on Monster.com. --boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: No, that's coincidence, the plain vanilla cousin of irony. If these two bozos refused to evacuate because of their fascination with monsters, and were subsequently crushed like bugs by the beast, that would be slightly ironic.) "There goes the headquarters for Popeye's Chicken. If you need to take some time off, I'll understand." --Damon (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This prompted a much better response cap. See below. Damon, you've been served. )
WHITE GUY: There goes the headquarters for Popeye's Chicken. If you need to take some time off, I'll understand
BLACK GUY: You're fired. Pick me up a two-piece with red beans and rice before you go. Oh yeah, with an extra-large grape Kool-Aid and a pack of Kool 100s. --Fah Kim (African-American male with Korean great-great-grandfather) (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Nicely played but slightly baffling. The person submitting this felt compelled to offer a race-based mini-bio. So maybe Damon's tasteless but mildly funny caption hit a nerve. I hope not. It was pretty mild. I can just hear Don Rickles: "Part black,  part Korean?...This hockey puck doesn't know whether he wants to open a grocery store or go hold one up!" Or Chis Rock: "You believe that shit! Niggar got some Korean blood in him. Some bitch ask this mother fucker to do her doggy style, he don't know if he's getting laid or havin' dinner!") 
"I dunno. I think that Rick Perry is coming on bit strong. Don't you think?" --Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: If arrogance and hypocrisy were marble and concrete, Perry would be the Washington Monument.)
"So why did they put this poster up in the cafeteria?" --Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Of the several caps that suggest the monster is just an image on the wall, this was the best. It recalls those tacky work place posters that have a single word like "Perseverance" and a definition that translates to "The action of keeping your job through increased productivity.") "I wish we had that kind of synergy."--topper "I wish I had that kind of androgyny." --smuck "This upsets you? I wish I had that kind of empathy." --Jess
"私はエネルギーのようなものを持っていた希望." (Japanese for: "I wish I had that kind of energy.") --Anonymouse (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Four impressive caps that are each better than the one that actually made it to the pages of the NYer. "Synergy" is the best of the lot, if you assume the monster works for a construction company or funeral home or something. The second suggests that the monster is big in more ways than one and the third is, you know, cute. The Japanese characters are berry berry impressive, but I have no way to check the spelling.) "At least his eyes don't pop out of his head." --Satireguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Nice little dig at the the most memorable feature of this cartoonist's work) "I feel like we're a couple of midgets. Mmm, coffee. Did you grind?"-- smuck (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A twisted yet somewhat enterprising version of the quasi-classic "I bought along a couple of midget. Do you mind?) The towers here are obscene. --JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A once dominant Anti-Capper, JohhnyB now is reduced to squeezing out tired classics.) "It's not as bad as last week, when the Yankees were panned in Boston, and puns were banned in L.A." -- Milli Godzilli (JUDGE'S COMMENT: So begins an assortment of caps commenting on last week's highly controversial no pun rule. Rachel Meadows said it was a shameless power grab that would disproportionately hurt low income families. Neil Cavuto said it was long over due and that anyone who disagrees hates America: "Very George W. Bush-like," he fawned.) "You're right. It was George H.W. Bush who said, 'Read my lips: No new puns.' And we all know how that turned out." --Anonymouse (JUDGE'S COMMENT: He didn't lose, he got beat by Bubba. If The Big Dog challenges me for the Anti-Cap judgeship, I would put up a tougher fight than did Poppy. ) "He's doing a latte damage to those buildings. And fuck your no-pun rule, Al."-- smuck (JUDGE'S COMMENT: So this is your rule breaking entry? It's like you broke into a bank late at night and stole office supplies.) Word on the street is that he's looking for some guy by the name of Al who just disqualified his anti-cap entry! --Blonde (JUDGE'S COMMENT: If he catches me, I will remind him that he has far more class and creativity than any other Anti Capper.) That's al-in-godzil-la. Either the Mets lost or people in those buildings were making puns. --JohnnyB I wish I had the kind of energy it takes to judge the anti-caps, but I don't. So I'm going to throw out all the puns and just judge the 5 remaining ones. Oh look, Godzilla. --JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Like a sea turtle flipped over on its shell, Johnny is flailing away. Maybe if we help turn him over he will lay another egg. See ya next week, Johnny. Okay?) "Idiot, he found you by your IP address. " --Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Won't that be the men's room -- because that's the address where he pees? As in "I pee address?" See? I can string together words that make a good pun, I simply choose knot to.) "Dunno, he came back from upstate New York and he's been really cranky every since." --Punmeister (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Actually I am very happy to be home. If you find my manner terse and slightly condescending that is probably because you never enter anything worthwhile. But I am not cranky. To paraphrase the Hulk: You don't want to see me when I'm cranky.)