The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #294

NOTE: After more than 10 weeks away in Florida, upstate NY and NYC, I am back in Los Angeles seated in my living room watching the Mets. My father has moved to an senior residence upstate NY near one of my sisters. While in NY, I saw the Mets beat the Yanks in extra innings at Citi Field with my sister Anne. Last Friday, Mrs. al in la and I attended Paul McCartney's concert in the new Yankee Stadium (video).
Some great memories--but now I'm ready to get back to my regular routine which includes judging your caps each week. Here I go.



WINNERS
FIRST PLACE"He just needs someone to be little." --Utellme (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A rare win for the prolific but usually unfunny Utellme, this makes a statement about the type of ego needed for mid-management as well the flexibility of the English language. This was the first of several entered by Utell--the rest really sucked. Once again we see the dangers of over-capping.)
SECOND PLACE
Doctor, I'm concerned about the size and shape of his stool. --JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Another shitty cap from Johnny, but with his gross pun maybe is also reminding men over 50 to get checked out by a doctor if their shit ain't right. Maybe Johnny isn't so full of stool after all.)
THIRD PLACERepublican nominated federal judges rarely rule in favor of "the little people." --Austin (JUDGE'S COMMENT: And why should they? Little people write little checks, lead little lives and seldom submit meaningful Anti-Caps.)
HONORABLE MENTIONS"Uhhhhhhh...I give up. He's easier to reach by phone? He likes to stay on top of things? We had mice last week? Look, I'm just his fucking secretary."--OB294 (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Here we are reminded that someone just spitballing potential caps will do better that people who ponder them for days on end. [I don't mean to hit a nerve Utellme, but if the shoe fits...]) )



"Pretend not to notice anything strange. He's very sensitive about his prescription elephantiasis desk." --David Macharell (JUDGE'S COMMENT: When I was taking care of my dad in Florida, he often wanted to go to Wal-Mart or anyplace with a shopping cart that he could push. It made it easier for him to walk. Even so, he almost always refused to use his walker because he felt it made him look like an old man. This cap made me think of that. He is doing well in his new home upstate New York.)
[Correction: As I'm sure Al will realize, my second caption above should read: "I said I'd send for you and I did. What did you expect?"] --Angus Podgorny (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I was in the process of finalizing the paper work that would have banned Angus from this contest for life--but he saved himself with this red-faced mea copa. The line is, of course, from Dylan's "Tight Connection to My Heart (Has Anybody Seen My Love)" Let's be more careful in the future, Angus.)

It's the desk al sits in when judging his two bit contest. He's out of townso Rupert Murdoch is using it till he gets back. --boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Nice try but factually wrong. I usually do this in any easy chair while watching TV. This way I never have to give the judging process my complete attention. Also, there are no two-bit contests, only two-bit contestants. )
His nom de goon is al in la and sits in judgment of hapless anti-cappers. --Edward M Schupp (JUDGE'S COMMENT: In fairness, I'd judge a non-hapless capper if we ever found one.)