The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #293

Note: For those following my plight, I am out of Florida and now in upstate NY. My father has moved here permanently and I am hanging with friends and family. In fact I am headed down to NYC via a Trailwways bus. Here are the winnerfor for last week.
Gotta
WINNERS

FIRST PLACE"That's Arky. He's doing an Arky logical dig." --Glenn (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Granted 'Arky' isn't really a name and his digging strategy seems more haphazard than logical, but this is both stupid and creative. Good enough for me.)


SECOND PLACESure, I believe in the father, and in the son, and in-the-hole-he-goes... --Angus Podgorny (JUDGE'S COMMENT: An even beter pun with the added advantage of being sacraligious. In what is some times called the "Casper Ruling," the commissioner of the Catholic league changed "Holt Ghost" to "Holy Spirit." The Vatican's marketing department decided "Spirit" played better with their key demo. )


THIRD PLACE
You're awfully busy, Slobodan. What do you plan to put in them? --Eric G (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Possibly the only modern-day president who was more of a dick than W, Sebia's Slobodan Milošević ran Serbia with the management style of a Mafia don, only with less panache. Nice one Eric, Slightly cryptic with historical significance. But let's not forget that the people who fill mass graves seldom do the digging.)


HONORABLE MENTIONS"I think Mr. Palmer has had a few too many John Dalys©" --Andrew (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This suggests that a cocktail named for the portly, hard-drinking Daly, intoxicated golf legend Arnold Palmer to the point where he took to digging ditches for no reason. Got it. An ice tea and lemonade mix would have been a better choice--that's what this cap tells us. Extra credit for the copyright mark.)

Afflicted with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Rodney would not stop until he transformed the surface of the Earth into a giant golf ball.--Edward M Schupp (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This was the first of a bunch of caps spewed fourth by this Ed person. Ironically his first was his best. Learn when to say when, Ed and remember that 70% of the earth's surface is water so your premise is faulty.)
"Fusilli, you crazy bastard! How are you?...What's the matter? His name happens to be Fusilli.""--Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Possibly the lamest classic cap ever entered, but Kathy does raise a valid point--what if that really was his name and he was in fact a crazy bastard.)
When you asked me if I wanted to see a bunch of "perfect assholes" this wasn't what I had in mind. --Blonde (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Assholes, perfect or other wise, do not come in "bunches." If anything they usually come from New Jersey in "gaggles." I arrive at that this conclusion because that's how geese travel and since the word "goosed" often refers to inappropriate contact with the ass, this makes perfect sense--pun wise.)
Christ, what a massive hole.--JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Johnny reaches deep and pulls out a pun. We can only hope he washed his hands afterward. )
"Looks like Johnson's going to win the hole-digging race again." --Satireguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Be it politics,or advertising, the race to the bottom is a well established narrative--on that much we can all agree. )
"They complained in the EastThey are paying too highThey say that your ore ain't worth digging." --Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Kathy either knows a lot about Dylan or simply Googles this shit and enters it here in a desperate bid for recognition. Either way.)
"3,434 more holes and it'll be the Blackburn, Lancashire he remembers" --Richard H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The holes were rather small, so this makes no sense. Still, I picked this because I am going to see Sir Paul on the same field on which Mickey Mantle once played.)
"It's Henry the cellar dweller, looking for the L.A.Dodgers."--Dr Sumguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is perhaps a variation on the Basement Bertha character created by the legendary, and recently deceased, Daily News sports cartoonist, Bill Gallo. And yes the Dodgers are currently in last place.--which, by the way is fine with me. )
"Every time I see al in la toiling away, making sure the Anti-Cap Contest is the best it can be, jettisoning comments from unworthies, and, well, just bein' al, I get all misty-eyed. Now, as for that guy down in the hole..." --Anonymouse (JUDGE'S COMMENT: There a few problems with this. Specifically, I don't toil, I churn. So dry your weepy eyes and enter something funny, off beat or really stupid. We clear?)
Watched your YouTube vid. Your dad looks like a very sweet guy. He really seems to appreciate and enjoy having you there. I feel all warm and fuzzy - oops - that's my crotch. --Utellme (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Like many people he has his peaks and valleys on the sweetness scale but he is doing well. If my time in Florida taught me any thing it that a warm and fuzzy crotch in a warm and humid environment can result in a painful rash. )
"And these are his new digs. Get it!? DIGS!!! HaHaHaHaHaHa!!! Fuck you and your contest, al.--Demetrius (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is the bitter residue of a grumpy, self loathing lazy thinker. Nothing to see here folks. Move along. )
Nice dig, Demitrius. (Get it? Dig?) Just wait 'til al buries your ass on Monday. --Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Monday has came and I didn't see him as a danger so for now, he lives.)
This Contest Blows Said: "I couldn't do any better, but let's just stand here all smug like and criticize." --JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Much the way my older sister embraced the premise that "no one picks on my little brother but me," Johnny stands up for me. There is really no need. I have long shared the concern that the contest blows but in fairness some weeks more so than others. )
I was at the Mets-Yankees game on Sunday, where the Mets made Mariano Rivera look like...well, a Met. This has nothing to do with the cartoon, but I just had to gloat a bit more. --Tim H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I too was there! My younger sister and I got there at noon and got back on the seven train back to NYC at around 6pm. It was a gray rainy day and there was a two-hour rain delay but it was a great game. Nice place )
A noun, a verb, al in la and Dylan. What do I win? --This contest blows (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Consider your self honored by someone for whom you have little regard. Feels good, doesn't it?)