The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #292

NOTE: In addition to the lovely Mrs. al in la, Jon Stewart, Johnny B and a couple of guys named Eric, the people for whom this blog is a must-read include those responsible for the New Yorker Caption Contest. (They once sent me an email, that's how I know.) So let me take this moment to tell you stuffed shirts that this is one of the worse images every used for the contest. Just terrible.
Surreal and stupid stuff just doesn't work. Stick with dogs in an office setting, business man in jail and couples in awkward after-sex situations. This cartoon may have had some merit if everything was the same except that one of the two couples was black. Or what if it was two same-sex couples? (The boys could even be on the bottom, if you like.) But, alas, the New Yorker does not have those kind on balls. This is a crappy cartoon that drew only modest interest--that's all I'm saying.

WINNERS FIRST PLACE "˙ooʇ 'ʎuunɟ ʞlɐʇ ʎǝɥʇ ʇǝq ı" --cta. (JUDGE'S COMMENTS : Like a woman with fake knockers winning a wet tee-shirt contest, cta's ability to write upside down may have given this entry an unfair advantage -- but who cares? What could be more Anti-Cap than a cap flipped on its head? A perfect metaphor for what we are looking for. Even better, the caption -- "I bet they talk funny too" -- makes a comment about the territorial instincts of people who are very similar yet slightly different. A slam dunk winner.)

SECOND PLACE "Your dumbass brother wanted to impress me by pretending to read the New Yorker. But he was holding it upside down. Try explaining that one." --Damon (JUDGE'S COMMENTS : So the man being confronted has an idiot brother with self esteem issues who trys to impress his sister-in-law by reading a high brow magazine. Got it. Forget for a moment that this makes absolutely no sense, it takes a stab at explaining why we have an upside down image. Take the rest of the day off Damon, you ve earned it)

THIRD PLACE
"God, I hate interleague play!"-- Tim H (JUDGE'S COMMENTS : Baseball purists will get this. Like the two images, the two leagues are very similar, yet the are many subtle differences that set them apart. It seems unnatural to have, say, the Texas Rangers play the Mets--but since the Mets bitch slapped them on Saturday with 14 runs, I'll allow it.)

HONORABLE MENTIONS Find 10 differences between these two pictures - Highlight.--JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENTS: Kind of a cute little comfort food Anti-Cap that recalls Johnny's formative years. It also helps explain the level of sophistication he brings to us week after week.)


"Hey, Asshole- Get your own cartoon!" --Steve_O (JUDGE'S COMMENTS: This reminds us that the world of professional cartooning is a bastion of back stabbers, opportunities and wannabes. Get a few drinks in Bil Keane someday, he'll tell you.)

"Oh, there are noting but Troglytes on Stratos!" --Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Pudgy middle Americans often have elitist attitudes that are hard to justify. If I remember, my DS9 correctly, it was the hardworking Troglytes who made life possible in the city of Stratos. For their efforts, they were exiled to the planet surface and forced to adopt the appearance of an inferior race that consumes charred animal flesh, macaroni salad and Bud Light. It's a cruel universe.) 

"I wonder what it would be like if our pants were a little bit longer."
or
"This is the most confusing way I could think of to show how little we actually change over time, while also commenting on the monotony of every day life. Sorry, I'm drunj." --Andrew Allingham (JUDGE'S COMMENTS : A new player, Andy shows an eye for detail and a willingness to favor profound over funny. We can do without the "or" between caps, and drunks seldom acknowledge that they are drunk [much less apoligize], but these both have Anti Cap cred. Welcome to the show, kid.) 

"The Hor d'oeuvres here are missing." --Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENTS : A real reach to cough off a classic. I would bet $10 that the person who posted it had to look up the spelling of hor d'oeuvres [lower case "h" by the way.] We appreciate the effort.) 

Conn Smythe winner Tim Thomas wows the neighbors by barbecuing while standing on his head.--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENTS : This references the MVP of the Stanley Cup playoffs. If his neighbors are Bruins fans, they are already impressed [what the hell is "wowed," by the way.] At least this year the Cup didn't go to a team from Canada or, worse, "Carolina.")

"Apparently, the alt-universe in which Buckner fielded that grounder is equally bland" --Redd Fucks (JUDGE'S COMMENTS : So, you're saying if the Red Sox hadn't choked in the '86 Series and hadn't provided me and all Mets fans with the most intense moment of sports-related joy we will ever know, the world would be pretty much the same. I just don't buy that.) 

"Mean Kirk and his squeeze, Kind-of-Bitchy Yeoman Rand, cause a temporal rift with a fly-by death stare at Nice Kirk and Tranny-Gorn."--L. Imoy-Nay (JUDGE'S COMMENTS : This goes a long way to make a point. Even if the humor is on impulse power, the obscurity of the reference may be just enough to keep Mr. L. out of summer school. Trekkies remember the episode where the crew encountered their evil counterparts. Spock had a goatee and tried to kill Radosh Kirk so he could take over the Anti Cap contest Enterprise. This seems to be sort of like that. So be it.)

"Don't know why my baby never looked so good before
I don't have to wonder no more
She been cooking all day and it's gonna take me all night
I can't eat all that stuff in a single bite."-- Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENTS : As everyone knows, or should know, the next few lines of the Dylan song "Nettie Moore" are:

The Judge is coming in, everybody rise
Lift up your eyes
You can do what you please, you don't need my advice
Before you call me any dirty names
you better think twice

I am sure this was Dylan commenting on my role as the Anti-Cap judge.)